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Thread: Hell On Earth Pt.1

  1. #1
    Sticky Bandit shystar36's Avatar
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    Default Hell On Earth Pt.1

    dark angels with severed wings
    black spray paint on walls
    that reads "the ending is coming"
    repent your sins
    i walk with pagans and heavens kings
    it's hell on earth, ever since birth
    i dreamt of beauty and happiness cause it brings
    a bright existence where children sing
    life is to hostile
    i gave up on making friends
    cause they'll turn on you, christs apostles
    i murdered half of my conscience
    the darkness controls my whole thought process
    come hold my hand,
    you'll see a world gone bonkers
    death is a tv show with a world wide audience
    i've been staring at my wrists since the age of 16
    thinking about ripping them honest
    to those who flipped on me
    youre dead to me, the liqours poured
    all's those things you said to me
    had my held filled with such twisted words
    from my grown age, to my stoneage
    my life's been stuck on the wrong page
    i wanna die so i can spread my wings
    fly away, fuck this old cage(slight pause)
    lyrical bongage, physical carnage, chemical bombs
    the world comes to an end
    it does'nt matter what the fuck saddam says
    the bible is a book from the skies
    homeless men on the bus
    approach me, tell me my words are heretic lies
    some feel the ending comes by suprise
    your introduction to death
    came with the first time that you opened your eyes
    we all die...
    FCK A SHOUT OUT!

  2. #2

    Default Re: Hell On Earth Pt.1

    celan up your structure.....i cant really hear your bar pattern when u type it like that.....to many pauses...sounds wierd

  3. #3

    Default Re: Hell On Earth Pt.1

    that was tight
    pegan stuff,
    life ,
    makes alot of sense
    homeless verse was good work peace 4 4 4 trumpets
    CAN I BE ON PART 2
    WE ARE DISCUSSING THE END OF THE WORLD-OR HOW TO DELAY IT.

  4. #4
    Taoist Saint GuardianOne's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hell On Earth Pt.1

    Its a interesting verse, though the subject brings a lot of criticisim (your title). But the way you place this verse seems as though you have just broken up from some one you cared for or in a sense loved? but it was okay the verse, just some expressions that you might want to avoid "bonkers" hey it creates a lot of thoughts. Keep posting though.

    Peace

  5. #5
    Sticky Bandit shystar36's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hell On Earth Pt.1

    thanks for the input. i'll definitely post some other shit. if any one else has some comments bring it. and as far as the usage of the word bonkers, i really don't see the big deal. the word is corny, but i'm not, and neither is my voice so...
    FCK A SHOUT OUT!

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