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Thread: Bigot Hitman's Book

  1. #856
    "Come as you are" Bigot Hitman's Avatar
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    Default Under my smile

    The dark clouds of confusion are poised to rain
    Which flows rivers of tears into deep seas of pain//
    The sun shines for just a few hours a day
    As my banks of hope are eroded by powerful waves-
    -of reality, its the main cause of my misery
    I don't have friends, but i can claim a few enemies//
    They're all inside of me right behind my steering wheel
    Taking my emotions for deadly rides whenever they feel//
    Under my smile's a person who only comes out when
    His positives manifest in the form of a friend//
    Or at least a person he wishes would be, then as they leave
    Lakes of positivity become puddles as hope recedes//
    Then its time for depression to take back over
    Now i'm in a desert searching for four leafed clovers//
    Luck and God become my last lines of defense
    From the pack rabid dogs about to jump the fence//
    Somedays i don't run, somedays i won't fight
    Because i've reflected on my past i can tell i'm not right//
    The light of joy soon fades from sight
    Then i grip a blade or knife just to take a life-
    -that i can't stand, as an arm from god picks me up
    From the depths of definite hell, then i wonder what?//
    Am i meant to be alone because i can't breathe here
    My hole's too deep to look around and see clear//
    I can extinguish this hell on earth's flames
    But not without knowing any rules to the game//
    I'm so lost, i'm not even walk'in anymore
    Because i can't tell if i'm moving to peace or war//
    The dealer of hope is selling me lies
    Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
    This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
    Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
    Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
    For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
    http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61

  2. #857
    "Come as you are" Bigot Hitman's Avatar
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    Default As the darkness darkens...

    After years of absence, i get visits every other day
    From rare tears i'd never thought would wet my face//
    I'm not struggling anymore, i've just thrown the towel in
    My blood's soaked the ring, plus all of my power's spent//
    Failure is tower'in over my lifeless carcass
    I feel there's not enough energy left to light this darkness//
    The survival instinct is becoming overruled
    Most of my will's gone, so i'm just trying not to move//
    Because if i lose any more ground, i'm off the cliff's edge
    As i think about my past deeply i see i wasn't mislead//
    My head was going to abandon everyone i left stranded
    Regardless of circumstances, now i'm the only one stand'in//
    In a one man audience watching a depression play-
    -a major part in how i act, feel, and what i say//
    I've now learned i can't pass this test without some help
    I got to cheat thru medication cuz there's nothing else-
    -that i can feel i have the potential to do
    I've gone years without what's probably essential to you//
    A clear head, steady mood, and hope that i might change
    I'm trying to find support for my legs as my life hangs//
    The noose makes it hard to remember any joy daily
    I say goodbye in advance incase a doctor can't save me//
    The dealer of hope is selling me lies
    Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
    This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
    Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
    Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
    For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
    http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61

  3. #858
    "Come as you are" Bigot Hitman's Avatar
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    Default On my own, Helpless

    Death crowds my thoughts as i perform my last words
    My pain's sound is unlike any you hear or have heard//
    Everything hurts so, the only things i can cherish still
    Are my last people of hope yet to drop from my ferris wheel//
    They don't know how much i value their presence
    And might never know until i wane my last crescent//
    Its killing me to rise, but i'll die if i stay down
    When i strive, i sustain relapses every day now//
    My childhood is like a vast river with no bridge
    I can't get over it, but where i stand i won't live//
    There's happiness on the other bank i belong in
    But depression's hand cuffed me so i don't swim//
    I'm seeing keys and i don't know how to pick'em up
    My fear's that they'll break if they're messed with enough//
    All i do now is turn to god and i cry
    Grasping pain and false hope-
    -from the hands of lies as i analyze-
    -Am i lost in ropes of failure,
    Struggle'in hard to be free and am i tied?//
    Its like i have no head to think, no feet to walk
    No arms to reach and no speech to talk....I'm helpless//
    The dealer of hope is selling me lies
    Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
    This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
    Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
    Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
    For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
    http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61

  4. #859
    aka The Chaotica SHEEPISH LORD OF CHAOS's Avatar
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    damn u writing some deep inter-personal shit man

  5. #860
    "Come as you are" Bigot Hitman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SHEEPISH LORD OF CHAOS View Post
    damn u writing some deep inter-personal shit man
    I've written over 30 verses since the beginning of June all about my depression and what causes it. They type of depression it is, is chronic which lasts for atleast two years says the doctor, with the symptoms no going away for more than two months, so i'll be writing this type of stuff for a while with ease.
    The dealer of hope is selling me lies
    Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
    This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
    Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
    Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
    For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
    http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61

  6. #861
    "Come as you are" Bigot Hitman's Avatar
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    fuck, i can't take this
    Last edited by Bigot Hitman; 07-20-2008 at 12:28 AM.
    The dealer of hope is selling me lies
    Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
    This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
    Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
    Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
    For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
    http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61

  7. #862
    "Come as you are" Bigot Hitman's Avatar
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    Default Lost for too long, now forever

    I guess eighteen is a little too late to start
    To decline my irrelevant role, but i hate this part-
    -of my play, there's one actor and no audience
    In the spot light, you'd think my pain would be so obvious//
    My hope is scarce, cuz when i sail where i'm goin
    Winds of confusion turn my ship off course and keep blow'in//
    THe pattern i'm running should be easy like a streak route
    But i'm struggle'in to get off the line as sweat leaks out//
    ITs hard to love myself, dealing with people i'm retarded
    My cars the only one on the lot that hasn't been started//
    When i swim up, i sink lower, so fuck it, i'll just drown
    This life is lost now cuz happiness can't be found//
    I miss my happy side man i swear i loved that guy
    If i can't get'em back then send my soul to the skies//
    I won't live not being able to reach that high again
    Depression won't let me find which closet he's hide'in in//
    Now the tears are here to pay me another visit
    What is it that my headlights are revealing in the distance?
    Another speed bump, or maybe a sharp cliff's edge
    A broken windshield aftermath, wet and dripping red//
    Hope'in no one saves me and i know i sound crazy
    But blame it on god, i guess this is how he's made me//
    The dealer of hope is selling me lies
    Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
    This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
    Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
    Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
    For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
    http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61

  8. #863
    "Come as you are" Bigot Hitman's Avatar
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    Default Another recommitment, another try

    ITs like my legs are broken so i'm laying cold still-
    -to avoid pain,
    But on the highway of life i'll be road kill//
    That means struggling hurts and if i don't Solomon's dead
    Darkness carried me away,
    Now i'll find some light to follow instead//
    The man in my mirror was all i knew for so long
    Until my first friends revealed that my eyes were so wrong//
    I experienced the true me for about a couple of weeks
    Funny and unique,
    For the average wader i was too deep//
    Feeling real happiness for the first time in years
    Nothing could make me mad or cross any lines of fear//
    My eyes were opened and then came a dark reality
    3 years of isolation created a deamon that battles me-
    -now my true self can't even come out of my house
    Depression brings in all kinds of pains, kicking joy out/
    There are a few people that sprung the happy side out of me
    But now they can't fully suppress this depressed personality//
    I guess its about time for another recommitment
    One more conscious effort before medication ends it//
    Lets see if i can fly against the wind again
    Maybe ill get pulled from my hole by the arms of the friends-
    -i have yet to make, but failure is something i can't take
    So i'll get ready for some more tears and long heart ache//
    The dealer of hope is selling me lies
    Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
    This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
    Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
    Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
    For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
    http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61

  9. #864
    "Come as you are" Bigot Hitman's Avatar
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    Default Searching 4 support

    I told my mom about my suicidal thoughts, so she cried but-
    -two days later i'm thirsty for comfort and her sympathy's dried up//
    She said i'm depressed cuz i want to be, blame'in my music
    If i tell her truth that i've never had friends she'd still refuse it//
    Should i really let her know her child isn't right in the head
    And how speed bumps on my road leave me wishing i was dead?//
    I feel the only support i have is from people that barely know me
    If u run a race in my shoes u better lace up for being lonely//
    Because if you aren't ready to be numb, this pain's strong
    You can't feel joy as this weights on your mind all day long//
    And trying to struggle out can really make the noose tighter
    It gets to the point where no light can turn your day brighter//
    To be a 1 man army against depression is overwhelm'in
    Its like your the only one playing without pads or a helmet//
    You try to stay strong, but your being bruised and battered
    It hurts deeply to keep climbing so you refuse the ladder//
    Then you begin to sink into a dark hole with a floor-
    -called "Rock bottom", if u reach it u won't wanna live anymore//
    The roots of my misery run deep throughout my childhood
    I wonder would i still be so sick now, if then i understood-
    -the value of a friendship, and exactly how to retain it
    This storm had been forming for years now it won't stop rain'in//
    The dealer of hope is selling me lies
    Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
    This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
    Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
    Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
    For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
    http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61

  10. #865
    "Come as you are" Bigot Hitman's Avatar
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    Default As the pages turn

    Now i've been checked but can't see another square to move to
    What would you choose to do,
    When your own air refuses you?//
    I have to deny that what my eye's see is me
    Depression hands out self hatred like "take it please, its free"//
    Loss of compassion is one of the hardest bricks to build with
    I see my mom weeping in pain but i still can't feel shit//
    But at the same time i'm sensitive to rejection-
    -from new people that have me doing constant self inspections//
    The next obstacle is a california vacation
    Before i loved isolation,
    But now i can't figure seven days of separation-
    -from my only anti-depressants, so i'm being chased
    by the reality of leaving the only ones who put smiles on my face//
    Now my whole family will witness my depressed state of mind
    Only if i didn't get lost in my war,
    and stabbed by the blade of time//
    I wouldn't be bleeding so bad today, i wish i could pass away
    Or go back into my childhood dreams in a flash to say-
    -OK, speak these words, and do these things when
    my mind was building walls between friends i could bring in//
    So i wouldn't be in a lightless hole hoping for brighter days-
    -with a soul thats been so hurt, it cowers in the sight of pain//
    Last edited by Bigot Hitman; 07-26-2008 at 01:26 AM.
    The dealer of hope is selling me lies
    Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
    This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
    Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
    Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
    For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
    http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61

  11. #866
    "Come as you are" Bigot Hitman's Avatar
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    Default My reality

    Here's an example of lyricism for the beginners out there, or who ever makes my thread get like 20 views a post. This is from the heart though, 100%.

    Daydreaming into my mirror, wondering what's next
    I'm taking pain and giving my soul, but there isn't much left//
    Its too many reality thieves stealing the hope from me
    I hear'em in my head like "how rich with failure can one be?"//
    Seventeen years of walking down all the wrong paths
    Now i'm lost, dividing a deeply depressing aftermath//
    My future isn't bright, so i dwell in my history's light
    All day i'm steady trying to solve all these mysteries right//
    I can't help to think my screws weren't meant to be tight
    As my head falls apart and i aid my enemy's fight//
    My hole is so deep, there's no reach'in high hopes
    Someone's drowning off shore and none can see its my boat//
    I'm the last pawn on the board with none to hate, none to love
    On my own just all alone except a spirit from above//
    All i have is size i don't need, family i don't want to be with
    Plus talents i can't enjoy in a life i don't want to see live//
    If i was aborted or even killed at a very young age
    That would have actually spared alot of people some pain//
    I'm so far from a goal that i'm not even on the field
    There's no way i can be stable if i have to build with what i feel//
    Which is pain, confusion, hopelessness, and self-hatred
    Add some tears every other day and i'll even bet i won't make it//
    The dealer of hope is selling me lies
    Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
    This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
    Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
    Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
    For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
    http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61

  12. #867
    Above the Clouds Surreptitious's Avatar
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    I wouldnt waste this shit on this website, its really well written
    "The skywalker, that be leapin' over planets"

  13. #868
    "Come as you are" Bigot Hitman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Surreptitious View Post
    I wouldnt waste this shit on this website, its really well written
    yup i stopped looking for feedback over a year ago on this website, my facebook page gives more than this site lol
    The dealer of hope is selling me lies
    Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
    This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
    Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
    Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
    For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
    http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61

  14. #869
    SiferBorn BornPower's Avatar
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    Fuck the feedback sun, you shinin too bright to miss.
    weep for lost babylon,
    the bleeding god, the forgotten sheep slaughtered in a forest of evil fog
    bordered by a sea of faults,
    fleeing mobs turn to see the holocaust and become kings and queens of salt
    screaming shots, police and chalk,
    wingless fallen demons walking among us as people...

    -.5Kut

  15. #870
    "Come as you are" Bigot Hitman's Avatar
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    Default Reaping what was sown

    I feel i'm loosing a grip that was never there
    Or that i lost a long time ago...
    As into a "closed door" future i stare//
    My mind will blow if i can't turn some knobs
    At night time,
    I breakdown from the fires and sob//
    I was careless, until my mental health was robbed
    Which made me seek safety in the faith of a god-
    -I had ignored, now i can't do without that
    feeling i get when i'm down...in time i'll bounce back//
    To some its hope,
    To me its the only reason i want to live
    Which is why depression's tidal waves
    create suicidal ways...//
    This condition can convince me i'll always be alone
    I'll always be a clone...enemy of positivity
    I might have been ok if this never had gotten into me
    Now i feel like the only apple rotten in the tree//
    I took my ability to feel joy for granted
    Its painful to do a thing i used to love,
    Because now i can't stand it//
    The fact i have no friends was a deep enough hole
    But falling into depression has made it,
    Hard to climb when,
    I know somewhere in the ruff there's a diamond//
    That hasn't shined in years,
    Now its blurred by confusion and tears
    Plus normal things, that for me are produce'in a fear-
    -tag teaming with pain, and unconquerable strain
    That pressures sharp objects to the skin on a vein//
    I've never been scared i'd take my life until now
    See you don't understand,
    I'm more than just sad and real down//
    No camera can capture what i see
    No nerves can create the pain that i feel...
    No legs can travel the path i've walked
    While no doctor can help, the wounds in my head heal...//
    The dealer of hope is selling me lies
    Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
    This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
    Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
    Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
    For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
    http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61

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