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Thread: Menace Flow

  1. #1

    Default Menace Flow

    (lemme get some feedback/suggestions/comments)

    my rhymes circle my mind, creating shield
    i observe thru smelted sand, survey the field
    witness the opposite of yield, i strike viscous
    my fists is heavy and soft, products of fitness
    disdain i frame mentally with the occipital flash
    blinding, just as you blink, ya dome crash
    bone crack like the drug, as if penetrated by a slug
    the shit hit the wall, you hit the floor
    i give it you raw like minus protection
    plus the product is like insemination
    ya situation is sticky, iffy, i give it to you swiftly
    this nigga in front of you is multiple beings
    with equal visionary damage, its hidden like UFO seeings
    my magic fingers even type genius flow in seconds
    the words speak to mental solely, crows it beckons
    black clouds inundate the sky in minutes, Bizzy in the center
    i zap you with my finger minus the friction, i wield the golden scepter
    natural disasters quake to my beat in unison
    i drop knowledge from space like comets smash perception
    where's the atom splitting explosions? my attack is muted
    halted like a stop light cuz it couldn't be computed
    i make a breakthrough inevitably bring music to the people
    they scavenge up evidence, try to prove my shit is evil
    my attack continues like game over in video games
    meditation increasing chi infinitely like reproduction of virus
    you fail to pilfer my wiz, you fake ass pirates
    the scar got you branded with a black "M" in the middle of ya dome
    it means Menace, nigga, visible veins indicate you ain't alone
    my influence augment your physical, you're my newest rebel
    under my thumb soldier, still below my level like a pebble
    i bequeath a solid sword, many men, one common accord
    my brother, we abide by one word
    revolution, ruthless fuckin with the heart of the populace
    we're outnumbered, with the sign of the one Menace fist
    intrigue, we complete our mission with fission
    concealed sniper slay the leader, i take on the role of top position
    new czar, bright as a star with spatial reign like galaxies
    then Bizzy concede, temporary power, just to prove the possibilities
    is infinite like air molecules, i'm above the ozone in spirits
    i scream a tirade down to y'all ears so everyone can hear it
    verbal worship, it's like a subliminal slap to the face
    disrespected, like my tag graffitied on ya walls purposely to deface
    to disgrace it, i hope ya head is boiling like eggs in water
    i salt ya eyes and proceed to physique slaughter
    poetically, visually, mentally, i'm immaculate like proactive skin
    i unconciously damage a whole era like the original sin
    i mix in a lil intellect with creativity to make my alter ego
    resulting in a nigga named Bizzy aka Menace, the original confused negro
    with twisted motives, secret motives, ill like gas chambers
    traces of compassion like gas chambers plus hidden dangers
    aint really hidden just below the surface, like atlantis
    i cut short all air supplies leavin' niggas endangered species like praying mantis

  2. #2
    "Come as you are" Bigot Hitman's Avatar
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    Default

    If you added all the stuff u rappin, wit some schemes, and shorter lines, u'd be dope. nice verse though 7.5/10
    The dealer of hope is selling me lies
    Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
    This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
    Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
    Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
    For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
    http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61

  3. #3
    Fukkin Vet!!!! Lil' Ruger's Avatar
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    thaat was maaaaaad sick bruh i like the word selection gives it a scentific GZA feel cool calm type rhyming....

    this line was one of my favorites.

    "i mix in a lil intellect with creativity to make my alter ego
    resulting in a nigga named Bizzy aka Menace, the original confused negro"

    Killbot Beats 2008 NIGGGAAAAAAAAA
    http://www.soundclick.com/bands/defa...?bandID=842145
    Lawrlz Ya Sniffs???

    "we laptop nigga, thugs on a computer." -TheShaolinAssassin

  4. #4

    Default

    thanks for the criticism & the compliments.

  5. #5
    aka The Chaotica SHEEPISH LORD OF CHAOS's Avatar
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    dope verse i just couldn't find a distince flow
    8/10

  6. #6

    Default

    thanks but yea i guess i dont have any distance on that flow.

  7. #7
    the illuminated orator
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    ...im really just giving props to anyone who read more than the first for lines of this piece... good work... scrap that... no flow, no point, not to be rude man, but there wasnt one quotable, and anyone who knows me knows you gotta have one quotable line... but man keep writing, write something thats not

    i am the birth of the emcee with lucifers tounge
    watching from the woods as a UFO from jupiter comes

    ...its just blah... you got a decent vocab just move beyond wasting your time...

  8. #8

    Default

    Pretty decent 7/10.



    My evidence, my own testament, written on wood
    Twelve tribes layin at the head of corners in hoods
    Hell razah

  9. #9

    Default

    thanks for ya opinion brotha. i got mixed reviews so i don't know what to go by. i just wanna get a general review of my "talent" & "style". good lookin out though.

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