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Thread: Story for ya

  1. #1
    its MF, MFers jallainINS's Avatar
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    Default Story for ya

    sorry i havent been around in a while. i moved into a new place and then my computer crashed, now i got myself a laptop and wifi, so its pretty sweet. anyways, this was really fun to write, hope you enjoy.

    A boy sits in his room all alone
    Patiently waiting for a call on his phone
    Feels small in his home, though the place is gigantic
    Parents workin too much at a pace thats frantic
    So while they race around, he's pacin now
    He calls his friend to plead his case and how
    The girl's calls yet to come, now hes wonderin
    Could she be blunderin? Outside the sky's thunderin
    He dials her cell, no answer, and her
    Mom on her home phone tells him "I banned her
    from leavin, but she ducked down, snuck out."
    Believe it, he is stuck now, lucks out
    But he just can't rest his breath tonight
    'Till her breast's on his chest and her head's alright
    He saddles up his bike and he hits the road
    The rains pourin down by the bucket load
    The mall and movies a lot, the usual spots
    Plenty of girls there, but his beautifuls not
    The clock keeps tickin and he's startin to worry
    Ridin so fast visions gettin blurry
    But he's got to hurry
    God forbid if someone hurt his girl they'd have to face his fury
    Rain changed to flurry, its snowin now
    Dude tells him where she's at and its goin down
    "She's chillin at a party with Marty."
    That ain't smart b, the only thing he hears is his heartbeat
    He stops hops off his bike pops in the crib
    Drops his wet lid gets props from his kid
    He asks "Where's my girl with the beautiful brown hair?"
    "Aiyyo I'm pretty sure that I seen her go downstairs."
    He's happy but he fears for her safety, cuz maybe
    Marty wants to party forcin her to get crazy
    Grabs a baseball bat, to place all that
    Anger and stress that seems to trace all back
    To Marty, or any dude that's with her now
    Covered in mud, coveting blood, its a blur now
    He runs downstairs not tryin to be rude bro
    There's his girl nude, on top of a dude "NO!
    What have you done? I can't believe that you did that!"
    Closes his eyes and takes a swing with the big bat
    He never stops swingin 'till they both hit the ground
    They don't make a sound, he can't coax himself to look down
    Pedallin home, hopin the pain stops as he nears
    His face is soakin wet from rain drops and tears
    He's filled with regret, remorse without restitution
    Wants to forget the course he took to resolution
    His parents are too busy to comfort their son
    So he comforts himself by kissin his daddy's gun
    Family protection was the dad's only aim
    Now he cries himself to sleep every night from the blame
    through songs i write, my wrongs i right
    if you wanna fight the power, get the power to fight


  2. #2
    The ABBOTT noel411's Avatar
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    Default

    Good shit homie. I really liked that. Probably the most enjoyable drop I've seen in here for a while. It moved along really well, and although the story was predictable, it was pretty cool. You told the story pretty well. Well constructed too. Well balanced. Decent imagery. Didn't go over the top with rhyme schemes or vocab or anything. Good stuff.


    THE LORD noel411 HAS A NEW ALBUM OUT!!! Czech it out here...

    http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...80#post2575080

    Suck this drunk alcohol dick.

  3. #3
    its MF, MFers jallainINS's Avatar
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    yo thanks so much for the feed man. that means a lot to me especially coming from you. i didnt know about your story verse until after you left me feed and i saw the link in your profile. so for someone thats done that, to still find my verse decent, it means a lot man.
    through songs i write, my wrongs i right
    if you wanna fight the power, get the power to fight


  4. #4
    Rap Name: SkiLLs adedwutang's Avatar
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    yea that verse wus tight dun, isnt it fun to rite those up, its almost easy since u already got the concept in ur head, just gotta make it rhyme. but nice job that was a good read.
    peace
    "i got drug spots from NY to Canada/
    cuz Big L b fuckin wit more keys then a janita/"
    Follow me @SkiLLs456

  5. #5
    its MF, MFers jallainINS's Avatar
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    yeah man it was my first attempt at writing a story and all that so it was pretty fun. ill def do it again some time.
    through songs i write, my wrongs i right
    if you wanna fight the power, get the power to fight


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