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Thread: Memories....Please READ

  1. #1

    Default Memories....Please READ

    This is a story, about a few boys and girls ..
    .. each grew up a sad life inside a sadder world

    Zach
    Born in a broken family, dad was a lord with felonies
    Mother was a whore that was always selling weed
    School was hard on him, kids loved scaring him
    "Look at Zack, you would never see him with them"
    At nine, cocain came into his life, its how he'd survive
    A young age wasted on the addictions we deprive
    Later on through life, his heart skipped a beat ..
    That beat was never found; so Zach I have 3 words ..
    .. rest in peace

    Travis
    Travis was a friend of mine, it was his birthday; his 21st
    Going from a couple of drinks to something much worse
    Him and Kenny were drunk that night; haveing some fun
    When Kenny decided to whip out his most favorite gun
    Like I said, it was Travis' birthday; his fucking 21st
    Kenny just sat there thinking you to *Fake* shoot first
    "Hey Kenny don't aim that shit at me dude, its not safe*
    *Come one Traivis man, fucking learn to be brave*
    And sure enough, Travis was shot in the head
    And I will never see his smile, rest in peace my friend.

    Danica
    A woman of natural problems, pregnent at 12
    The father was a drunk janitor; the devil of her hell
    Her mother couldnt afford any type of adopion
    And being Christians, abortion wasnt an option
    Her mother made her leave the house, one bag of clothes
    At 13 she joined all of the other women known as hoes
    She spent 10 years, living that horrible life style
    Death was the final chapter of her sad denile.

    Krista
    My ex love, a woman I cared very much about
    A few moments started in hugs and ending in a shout
    But we were pretty fucking perfect, until she left me
    For a fat kid thats four hundred pounds named Jeffery
    She's gone now, I'll remember her forever and always
    No, shes not dead just in nother place; a bit daised
    I'll find another woman, oh wait I already have
    Though Krista is stuck with her sister and drunk dad.

    These were true stories about real life people
    Who's lives were corupted and later on feeble.

  2. #2
    "Come as you are" Bigot Hitman's Avatar
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    Good use of vocab and the flow was consistent, lyrcially is was what is should be for the story tellin art, use of rhyme schemes might have made it sound smoother, overall nice piece 8.5/10.
    The dealer of hope is selling me lies
    Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
    This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
    Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
    Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
    For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
    http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61

  3. #3
    The ABBOTT noel411's Avatar
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    I was kind of disappointed by this. It was ok. Not bad at all. I was just reading some of your other threads, and thinking it would be nice to see you drop a story with that detailed and descriptive style. I’m sure you could work up some vivid imagery. This was quite simple compared to your usual style. Not bad, but not exactly spectacular either. Still, you say these are true stories, so it is what it is, and that’s cool. I just think you could have done it better.


    THE LORD noel411 HAS A NEW ALBUM OUT!!! Czech it out here...

    http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...80#post2575080

    Suck this drunk alcohol dick.

  4. #4
    PRODIGAL SUN Sizzy Up's Avatar
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    its pretty cool .. the good thing is real.. or made up but whatever it is its cool // it may seem u a bit depressed i like the last .. one .. me wtf .. ! good shit
    Trip

  5. #5

    Default

    Pretty good .



    My evidence, my own testament, written on wood
    Twelve tribes layin at the head of corners in hoods
    Hell razah

  6. #6

    Default

    yeah shit was str8 consistent

    Tables Turn..Which Made it Worse, Engaged N' Searched..
    for a Way ta' Learn, how ta Take tha' Curse of the Weight of Earth
    Incase it Curved, and Strained my Nervous System..
    Rage it Burst, n' Explained in Words how ta Further Wisdom

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