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Thread: Here is an okay rhyme.

  1. #1
    Chill Member C'Dub!'s Avatar
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    Default Here is an okay rhyme.

    When I throw my shit down
    All others wanna frown/
    My rhymes is like a loaded gun
    So when a punk steps I have my fun/
    When I'm done they are blown away
    You can see it on they faces as plain as day/
    I'm on the stage bein' admired
    Meanwhile your rhymes are tired
    The crowd decides like Donald Trump "Yo' Fired"/
    After a time of silence
    People resort to violence/
    Tryin' to take me out
    I know I'll survive with out a doubt/
    Bitches so quick to grab they nines
    This is the time when my blade mastery shines/
    You wanna waste bullets like candy
    to me that's fine and Dandy/
    Barge in my door, shoutin' and more
    I gotta throw my whore on the floor/
    In the shadow, I have my blade
    You don't know yet, but you is already made/
    Close enough to smell your cologne
    Me, as deadly as a corleone/
    I slit your throught from ear to ear
    Now sets in your true fear
    That you'll lose everything that you hold dear/
    ~C'Dub!

    Please post advice and comments.
    I'm a straight up gamer
    But with a mic I am also a tamer/
    Cuz' enemies be like wild beasts never tamed
    But when i finish they're the ones that get maimed/

  2. #2
    PRODIGAL SUN Sizzy Up's Avatar
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    Default

    Its Pretty Good. But That Last Part.. The 3rd To Last.. I Just Need That One Word.. Then I Could Tell .. U ..


    U Stay..in Upland.. ? Crazy.. Im Originally From L.a .. {bell Gardens.. } But The Past 10 Years On And Off {since The First Time } I Have Been Living. In Bloomington.. {7 Since The Last Time I Moved Back } Right Now .. Im In L.a. Though.. 4 School.. Im In Whittier.. Right Now.. But I Represent.. Bell Gardens.. Not Bloomington.. {bloomington.. Is Alright Though.. } But As An M C No.. Unless Im Sly Boogie.. Its Pretty Cool Though.. Like People Near. With The Same .. Love 4 Hip Hop.. Sick

    U Got Something There.. Its Just How U C It.. All That Counts.
    Trip

  3. #3
    Chill Member C'Dub!'s Avatar
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    Default Here is another.

    Nobody knows my covered genious style that flows
    Unknown but once it starts up it glows/
    Some doubt these abilities of mine
    They dull my shine/
    You can drink my rhymes lke fine wine
    I use my knowledge to keep others in line/
    If they don't they feel the sword strike of my rhyme
    By the time I'm done they ain't worth a dime/
    It's like I sewed up their lip
    Cuz' when I unleash my genious I make average people flip/
    Walkin' through this land with a different perspective
    To see this you don't need a detective/
    Goin' through enemies like the sword of a shogun
    No need to school novice punks as a form of fun/
    I walk around with my identity behind cloak and veil
    Make opponent's rhymes as slow as the mail/
    Cuttin' down enimies rhymes til' they obtuse
    Afterwards you'll find me chuckin' the deuce/
    ~C'Dub!
    This one is my best.
    I'm a straight up gamer
    But with a mic I am also a tamer/
    Cuz' enemies be like wild beasts never tamed
    But when i finish they're the ones that get maimed/

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