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Thread: \\\::... Fortunate Son 07 ...::///

  1. #1
    Veteran Member PsYkOsUs's Avatar
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    Default \\\::... Fortunate Son 07 ...::///

    Quality Audio: www.myspace.com/psykosus
    also a newly recorded Survivalist and Lost Souls
    War Machine EP comin' soon..


    \\\::... FORTUNATE SON 2007 ...::///


    Live in a cage, or keep a Nine-to-Five
    Minimum Wage is keepin’ crime alive
    Number cursed atheists, caved-in and scarred
    What’s it worth Patriot; slavin’ to starve?
    Cost of Livin’s new Price on Freedom
    Laws are written for whom writes off Eden
    Flag’s held high, bought trust to spoil
    Have Hell tried for it: blood for oil
    No Education, no faith in the future
    No Legislation, whole Nation is sutured
    When you go against their political power
    Venue’s so intense in this critical hour
    Load up your rifles, keep fightin’ their war
    Loathin’ and Strife ‘ll keep knifin’ the poor
    Forcin’ your tongue with their Corporate Funds
    That ain’t me, I’m no Fortunate Son

    Cat’s in their cradle filled with Silver Spoons
    Fascism: fatal, kill ‘em; pilfered soon
    Last war had some dead and dismantled
    Back-door Draft done let in a scandal
    Bombed our buildin’s, it’s blood and ashes
    Armed our children: begrudgin’ Fascists
    Bold-face lies of corrupted Government
    No trace, ties, or abrupt punishment
    Wolf in Sheep’s Clothin’, marchin’ with Demons
    Bullshit, keep hopin’ you’ll charge him with Treason
    You claim it’s Justice? Take me to prison
    You’ve traded Justice for Patriotism
    Load up your rifles, keep fightin’ his war
    Loathin’ and Strife ‘ll keep knifin’ the poor
    Forcin’ your tongue with their Corporate Funds
    That ain’t me, I’m no Fortunate Son

    ‘Homeless and rich’; but strugglin’? Never that
    Votin’ as if we’re ‘Republican-Democrats’
    Ugly; we’re gonna blame this whole Country
    Trust me; third of the Nation goes hungry
    Half of them Nam Vets; Notice a trend?
    Activists, bomb-threats, explosion, and then..
    Hurricanes, flooding, bodies and refugees
    We’re in pain, bloodied, rotting in Leprosy
    Lootin’ and gunned down by National Guard
    Ruthless, none bound by rational charge
    Likely with Veterans back; run for cover
    Right-Wing Confederate Fascist motherfucker
    Load up your rifles, keep fightin’ this war
    Loathin’ and Strife ‘ll keep knifin’ the poor
    Forcin’ your tongue with their Corporate Funds
    That ain’t me, I’m no Fortunate Son



    Copyright © 2007 Psykosus, The Soulless Survivalist

    Those who have something to fall back on, always do.

  2. #2
    "Come as you are" Bigot Hitman's Avatar
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    My favorite part about this piece is the bridge

    Load up your rifles, keep fightin’ this war
    Loathin’ and Strife ‘ll keep knifin’ the poor
    Forcin’ your tongue with their Corporate Funds
    That ain’t me, I’m no Fortunate Son


    Its a nice technique, and would sound good over a track, like a chorus thats directly connected with verses. Any ways, the rhyme schemes started to get alittle predictible/annoying after the second verse, i would lighten up on them just alittle and rhyme just the end of the lines for a few bars, then go back to the technique where u rhymes 5 or 6 words in each line ya know. The flow was perfect, but it never seemed to get kinda unique, it was stagnant. Which is ok, but i would like to see sum kinda shit where u mix up the way u rhyme sentences like this:

    No matter how hard i come, i get no feed back
    I'ma do this like a donation to bill gates, i don't need that
    I could be yo child hood hero, yaw'd still hate, so feel weight
    Of three gats, stuffed down the pipe where u breathe at

    That would make the audio flow alittle more live, different from the flow of the rest of yo verse. Which is why i say the flow is stagnant, but even. No true wordplay, which is ok, i don't understand that much politics becuz i'm just 16, an don't care about that shit yet so i can't say your metaphors were non-sense, they just don't make sense to me cuz i lack the knowledge in that area.

    Overall: 9.5/10

    Definetly sum of the better stuff on this site.
    Last edited by Bigot Hitman; 02-24-2007 at 10:00 PM.
    The dealer of hope is selling me lies
    Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
    This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
    Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
    Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
    For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
    http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by SpOk3N View Post
    i don't think psy needs anymore feedback from cats.

    i think hhe's in a league of his own, with the lyrical content alone.

    so, psy...i'll keep yo
    u company soon enough...lawls.
    co sign that

    Tables Turn..Which Made it Worse, Engaged N' Searched..
    for a Way ta' Learn, how ta Take tha' Curse of the Weight of Earth
    Incase it Curved, and Strained my Nervous System..
    Rage it Burst, n' Explained in Words how ta Further Wisdom

  4. #4
    "Come as you are" Bigot Hitman's Avatar
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    Well maybe i didn't do it for him
    The dealer of hope is selling me lies
    Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
    This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
    Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
    Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
    For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
    http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61

  5. #5
    The ABBOTT noel411's Avatar
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    I think I listened to this track on your myspace a little while back. I'd pretty much have to agree with Spoken. I certainly can't offer any constructive criticism on this, or say anything I haven't already said about other verses or songs you've done. But yeah, you certainly didn't lower your standards any on this one.


    THE LORD noel411 HAS A NEW ALBUM OUT!!! Czech it out here...

    http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...80#post2575080

    Suck this drunk alcohol dick.

  6. #6

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