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Thread: Tearz

  1. #1
    R.I.P. Big L MX1's Avatar
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    Default Tearz

    im guna record it over the 2nd verse of the tearz beat..its a story drop..feed appreciated

    my boy T.J., got me to this one party
    it was so hyped, he might had, ta' hit somebody
    chillin', endo got his chest, ta' laughter
    relaxed room, smoke detectors, aired house
    balooned breast, see, T.J. trippin' hard now
    yelled at a swisher, who called him a sober
    aspired, to had been like his dad, aged stoner
    thirsty, so T., inhaled tha melting off shaker
    see him gummin', cheers, ta' tha wallpaper
    getting sandy skin, above a crying shore
    eyes stinged, wanting ta' take a sniff or more
    but his wiz wouldn't let him so now, he snuck out
    sprinkled dust on the porch, a blink in clout, he sniffed it down
    sat back laughing, was mass hallucinating
    saw blunts down the path stabbing, above the smoke, racing
    sought a fat one he liked, and ran after
    speeding on his side, an excursion, and ended his last chapter
    man, i miss this guy, intact, a single blood drip, sliding by his eye
    he was then forgotten from, after a year
    so after tha laughter, i guess comes the tearz
    no more albums like the 36 no more

  2. #2
    R.I.P. Big L MX1's Avatar
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    uppin for comments..
    no more albums like the 36 no more

  3. #3

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    I think verses for songs like these can't be judged too much on the lyrics, rather the delivery, but i could imagine that if you did that with a great delivery, it could be pretty hot.

  4. #4
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    i see what you mean..thanks for the feed tho, i just gotta alter some things to make the flow smoother

    uppin
    no more albums like the 36 no more

  5. #5
    aka The Chaotica SHEEPISH LORD OF CHAOS's Avatar
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    Default

    Yeah I Think For A Story Verse Is Aight But U Nailed It But I Think The Delivery Is A Better Way To Judge This Verse

  6. #6
    R.I.P. Big L MX1's Avatar
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    true true..ima post it up wen i record it

    jus need some feed and shit to re-word it or wutever..its over wus beat so if ya'll got any ideas to make it flow better, let me kno

    thanks for the feed
    uppin
    no more albums like the 36 no more

  7. #7
    "Come as you are" Bigot Hitman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by D-Infinite View Post
    I think verses for songs like these can't be judged too much on the lyrics, rather the delivery, but i could imagine that if you did that with a great delivery, it could be pretty hot.
    Nah, you can write this style with high lyrical potency, he just didn't.
    The dealer of hope is selling me lies
    Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
    This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
    Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
    Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
    For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
    http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61

  8. #8

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    Doesn't always sound as heart felt when its lyrical though.

    "I held her skin particles against my medulla oblogota, her hair fallicles were the soulstice of stigmata"

    Doesn't have the same feel.

  9. #9
    "Come as you are" Bigot Hitman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by D-Infinite View Post
    Doesn't always sound as heart felt when its lyrical though.

    "I held her skin particles against my medulla oblogota, her hair fallicles were the soulstice of stigmata"

    Doesn't have the same feel.
    You act like that line you just posted was lyrically high, you just used a bunch of big words, that's not what i mean at all.
    The dealer of hope is selling me lies
    Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
    This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
    Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
    Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
    For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
    http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61

  10. #10

    Default

    Yeh i know, i'm just using an exaggerated example.

    The point i'm trying to get across is that often in storytelling tracks like Tearz, which i assume the vibe he was going for is akin to, you don't need complex lyrics. You just need a strong delivery & lyrics that clearly get across what your saying. You CAN make it lyrically more advanced, but it doesn't necessarily mean it will make it any better.

    Common - I Used To Love H.E.R. was an unbelievable extended metaphor, but he used very little complex words. What it did was make you hang on his every word with his poetic flow.

  11. #11
    "Come as you are" Bigot Hitman's Avatar
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    I used to love her is the paragon of complex lyricism in a story verse, i don't what the fuck ur talkin about complex words for, that common song proves my point. He uses great lyricism throughout the story verses, which is what i was saying the poster could have done and didn't do.
    The dealer of hope is selling me lies
    Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
    This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
    Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
    Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
    For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
    http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61

  12. #12

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    You missed the point man.

    My point is you don't HAVE to. No need to be lyrically complex all the time.

  13. #13
    R.I.P. Big L MX1's Avatar
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    Default

    my point is just to get a story thru..not some fucking touch the stars and come back shit, its just a story drop, i didnt act to get deep in this, thanks for the posts tho
    no more albums like the 36 no more

  14. #14
    "Come as you are" Bigot Hitman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by D-Infinite View Post
    You missed the point man.

    My point is you don't HAVE to. No need to be lyrically complex all the time.
    I never said you had to be all the time, all he had to do was throw alittle imagery in their, maybe describe a person or scene. Put more substance into the story. Its a empty eggshell right now, could have been much more full of anything.
    The dealer of hope is selling me lies
    Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
    This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
    Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
    Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
    For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
    http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61

  15. #15
    SiferBorn BornPower's Avatar
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    Default

    hitman has a great point. that distinction is what makes songs ( like Notorious' Story to Tell, Nas' Small World, and Jay's You Must Love Me) stand out (along with the ones you all mentioned). Rae and Ghost do a great job of this as well (check Ghost's verse on Little Ghetto Boys).
    weep for lost babylon,
    the bleeding god, the forgotten sheep slaughtered in a forest of evil fog
    bordered by a sea of faults,
    fleeing mobs turn to see the holocaust and become kings and queens of salt
    screaming shots, police and chalk,
    wingless fallen demons walking among us as people...

    -.5Kut

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