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Thread: whers & Shizzah - Velvet Assassins

  1. #16
    LIVE AND UNCUT OTB's Avatar
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    off the top-

    so tired
    i cant go to sleep
    seedz sowed inspired grim flowz of raps reaped
    peep the overly optimal weed level in the Optimo
    tropical-red optical - the Lord'z sword chops iz droppin hoez
    top of your knot got lopped off when the windz blow
    you forgot OTB pump shots, what the blood clot-
    your momz and pops like willowz weep
    you 6 feet - i'm blowin peach philliez billowz sweet

  2. #17

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    ill
    Quote Originally Posted by IrOnMaN View Post
    If your posts are not relevant to the thread or if there's a strong indication of trolling/rudeness/slander, the post will be deleted. As a moderator, it's my job to moderate to the best of my ability.

  3. #18
    LIVE AND UNCUT OTB's Avatar
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    oh yeah^^

    nice whers!
    what up bro-

    yo shizz i peeped your asylum, ill darts-

    i saw the pics before the rimez-
    sherlock holmez, the graveyard and all that-

    nice work bro-

    peace-

  4. #19

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    Thanks OTB, you've got some mad talent from what I've seen so far. Props

    peace

  5. #20

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    See if you can comprehend this juxtaposition
    of darkness and a revolving prism, wrapped around my mind's vision
    submerged into the depths of Hades, smokin' blunts with naked ladies
    While a fierce Cerberus with rabies, guards my wealth, and jewels and babies
    puffin on clouds with angels, Celestial bodies that nave no angles
    and nobody around's a stranger, I feel so tranquil there is no danger
    it revolves again and the sun don't shine, everything's fucked and nothings fine
    but i'll be iron until when, the sun comes back around again
    Last edited by beautifulcock; 06-11-2008 at 07:05 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by IrOnMaN View Post
    If your posts are not relevant to the thread or if there's a strong indication of trolling/rudeness/slander, the post will be deleted. As a moderator, it's my job to moderate to the best of my ability.

  6. #21

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    Quote Originally Posted by beautifulrock View Post
    See if you can comprehend this juxtaposition
    of darkness and a revolving prism, wrapped around my mind's vision
    submerged into the depths of Hades, smokin' blunts with naked ladies
    While fierce a Cerberus with rabies, guards my wealth, and jewels and babies
    puffin on clouds with angels, Celestial bodies that nave no angles
    and nobody around's a stranger, I feel so tranquil there is no danger
    it revolves again and the sun don't shine, everything's fucked and nothings fine
    but i'll be iron until when, the sun comes back around again
    Motivate from the gate y'all B-Rock's in the house!!

  7. #22
    Hip Hop aholic Sinapse's Avatar
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    I don't really fuck wit text rhymes...but i figured i'd comment on this, i'm high and listening to some beats, decided to peep some text rhymes...

    First, i enjoyed reading these...i read them with beats on in the background and the verses are full of imagery and in general worded quite well. I figured i'd give you some real feedback in case you want it....I felt both of you guys have a somewhat poorly structured flow, it was hard to get bars on beat consistently..cuz the spacing of ya rhyme syllables is not balanced, some of ya bars are too long and also you got a lotta lines with too many non rhyming words that sorta throw off the flow, try to make a more complicated scheme...you can use more internal rhymes and generate longer multies (mostly 2 syllable rhymes i see, not a lot of 3-4 or even more) and still have rich imagery and dope metaphors, so from a rhyme complexity stand point i think you could do a lot more...having a lot of rhyming syllables in the middle of lines, not just at the end (you have some, im not saying you have none) will help create a cadence, even if you just spit it in accapella...just some thoughts...still good creative lyrics...PEACE

  8. #23
    Fukkin Vet!!!! Lil' Ruger's Avatar
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    Paragraphs infect the minds of young children
    supa hero type rest on sky scrapers and buildings
    smooth operator i felt it cloaked in red velvet
    the blood you smell it Slice the heads off of the mentally dead
    im credited with sellin medicine to heretics
    the hatchet ive never buried it its in my left
    cuz i never do the right thing i aint spike lee
    smite me im too sick u catch pnumonia tryna battle me
    my goons pack them ratchets they'll blast it
    with a black casket to lay down you ungrateful bastards
    mastered this artform the darts swarm
    and torn your heart warm ive scorned
    felt forlorn since i was born and ive never been on the norm
    murderous like freddy krueger
    carry a german luger despite my user ive disregarded lil ruger
    im a shooter lil wayne leave you witta little stain
    cuz ive riddled ya frame leave you maimed when i belittle the game
    then twiddle your brain cuz ur fickle and lame


    lol had too drop a free that was so dope keep it going if u guys want text collabs hit me up.

    Killbot Beats 2008 NIGGGAAAAAAAAA
    http://www.soundclick.com/bands/defa...?bandID=842145
    Lawrlz Ya Sniffs???

    "we laptop nigga, thugs on a computer." -TheShaolinAssassin

  9. #24
    God Beside Me Guarded By Martyrs's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OTB View Post
    the joker/crow linez are straight SPECIAL homey-

    peace-
    keep postin gemz-
    Thanks a lot bro...How you been ?
    Yeah I thought it was a bit strange when I came up with it !!!!!
    Spooky.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sinapse View Post
    I don't really fuck wit text rhymes...but i figured i'd comment on this, i'm high and listening to some beats, decided to peep some text rhymes...

    First, i enjoyed reading these...i read them with beats on in the background and the verses are full of imagery and in general worded quite well. I figured i'd give you some real feedback in case you want it....I felt both of you guys have a somewhat poorly structured flow, it was hard to get bars on beat consistently..cuz the spacing of ya rhyme syllables is not balanced, some of ya bars are too long and also you got a lotta lines with too many non rhyming words that sorta throw off the flow, try to make a more complicated scheme...you can use more internal rhymes and generate longer multies (mostly 2 syllable rhymes i see, not a lot of 3-4 or even more) and still have rich imagery and dope metaphors, so from a rhyme complexity stand point i think you could do a lot more...having a lot of rhyming syllables in the middle of lines, not just at the end (you have some, im not saying you have none) will help create a cadence, even if you just spit it in accapella...just some thoughts...still good creative lyrics...PEACE
    Thanks for the advice...
    I'm no Emcee...this is just some fun.
    I spat them verses over beats and they sounded fine to me...
    But I'll take your opinions on baord and try to work on that.
    Regarding too long or too many random words...
    I can spit those verses with no problem...
    But I can understand where you are comming from
    It's hard to judge others "Rhyme-Style"
    But next time I spit one...I'll take your thoughts into consideration.

    PEACE

  10. #25

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sinapse View Post
    I don't really fuck wit text rhymes...but i figured i'd comment on this, i'm high and listening to some beats, decided to peep some text rhymes...

    First, i enjoyed reading these...i read them with beats on in the background and the verses are full of imagery and in general worded quite well. I figured i'd give you some real feedback in case you want it....I felt both of you guys have a somewhat poorly structured flow, it was hard to get bars on beat consistently..cuz the spacing of ya rhyme syllables is not balanced, some of ya bars are too long and also you got a lotta lines with too many non rhyming words that sorta throw off the flow, try to make a more complicated scheme...you can use more internal rhymes and generate longer multies (mostly 2 syllable rhymes i see, not a lot of 3-4 or even more) and still have rich imagery and dope metaphors, so from a rhyme complexity stand point i think you could do a lot more...having a lot of rhyming syllables in the middle of lines, not just at the end (you have some, im not saying you have none) will help create a cadence, even if you just spit it in accapella...just some thoughts...still good creative lyrics...PEACE
    Basically, I write verses on topic. And like whers said, for fun. I don't intend to record. But if you look at it, it's hard to put up twisted images and good flow. To put up images you need various adjectives that sometimes are hard to structure in rhymes. But I try to adapt it to the flow as much as I can.

    I feel you on the complexity, and the syllable opinion. English is not my primary language. So basically, I have a lot of time to improve on that.

    PEACE to you.

  11. #26
    Hello, everybody! DR. NICK RIVIERA's Avatar
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    I really like to read stuff like this - and I'll contribute - gotta write some crazy Weraziel shit to be on ya level
    bring back begongo!!

  12. #27
    LIVE AND UNCUT OTB's Avatar
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    whenever a biterz found, i bind 'em in ropes and vices
    no hope for their limbz, i'm bringin down 12 inch miter slicez
    polo and timz stay spotless, blood runz down the drain

    blanked-
    yo line 4 whers or shizz??

    peace-

  13. #28

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    Quote Originally Posted by OTB View Post
    whenever a biterz found, i bind 'em in ropes and vices
    no hope for their limbz, i'm bringin down 12 inch miter slicez
    polo and timz stay spotless, blood runz down the drain

    blanked-
    yo line 4 whers or shizz??

    peace-
    Chop your head off, it's gonna leave a stain?... maybe... I wanted to chop a head off... or...

    When you cross me, you'll learn the definition of pain

  14. #29
    God Beside Me Guarded By Martyrs's Avatar
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    whenever a biterz found, i bind 'em in ropes and vices
    no hope for their limbz, i'm bringin down 12 inch miter slicez
    polo and timz stay spotless, blood runz down the drain...



    Just Like Your Paper Boat You Wont Float...You'll Sink...And Never Be Found Again
    Like My Man OTB I'm "On The Brink"...Of Insanity
    Yall Hug The Floor Like A Manatee When I Bring The Catastropy
    This Ain't No Fallacy...When I Point My Index...Like RZA I Bring The Tragedy
    Last edited by Guarded By Martyrs; 06-20-2008 at 07:56 AM.

  15. #30
    Hello, everybody! DR. NICK RIVIERA's Avatar
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    Somebody said 'Tragedy'? Some MCs are pussies, so why the faggotry?
    Weraziel, crazy as ever, only getting more inhuman and better, sunlight is killing me
    so I'm gonna kill the sun, with my shoulder cannongun
    and then I hid my mechanical parts inside of me and scare a bum
    Armageddon touch, killing all snakes with a Cobra clutch
    I allow myself a lot of things, and I don't have any guts!!
    I am my own king, I rule the same for all my body parts
    and I don't react in the hug of a poisonous tarantula attack
    High Definition brutality for ya, my words are sharp
    like a double-edged guillotine or the tip of killing darts
    I'm possesed, nobody can save me, I spit azbest
    they cutted off my head once, BAH, was that their best?
    I'm high off my rhymes, cuz extasy disappointed me
    I'm an HIV pacient, so nobody can fuck with me
    hiphop is a religion, an overdose is the right amount
    so I lay my words in catacombs, so they can be found
    u can hear my possessed voice, when u read the books
    my trophy room show skulls on rusty hooks
    I laugh without making noises in a space of endless dimensions
    vibrate my voice into waves to crash worlds, I pour attention
    chain-reactions, than I make intergalactic battleships
    outta fractions of planets, gettin' ready for another hit
    gods on thrones are over-thrown, they aren't immortal
    to me, I throw them into unknown doom-like portals
    barb wires in people throats when they speak my name
    I'm greatly known, my fame is inflicting massive pain
    I give u a revolver with six bullets at a russian roullette
    and show your guardian angel trapped in a cage




    get at me, what do ya think?
    bring back begongo!!

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