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Thread: funny shit

  1. #1
    Lyrical Toilet Paper Locust's Avatar
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    Default Australia

    funny shit..

    >>The questions below about Australia, are from potential visitors.
    >>They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers
    >>are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously
    >>have a sense of humour.
    >>
    >>Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain
    >>on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
    >>A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around
    >>watching them die. <http://graphics.hotmail.com/i.p.emrose.gif>
    >>
    >>
    >>Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
    >>A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
    >><http://graphics.hotmail.com/i.p.embeer.gif>
    >>
    >>
    >>Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
    >>tracks? (Sweden)
    >>A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
    >>
    >>
    >>Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
    >>A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
    >>
    >>
    >>Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me
    >>a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
    >>A: What did your last slave die of?
    >>
    >>
    >>Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in
    >>Australia? (USA)
    >>A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
    >>Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which
    >>does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday
    >>night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
    >>
    >>
    >>Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
    >>A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get
    >>here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
    >>
    >>
    >>Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
    >>A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
    >>
    >>
    >>Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
    >>A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y,
    >>which is...oh forget it.
    >>Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings
    >>Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
    >>
    >>
    >>Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
    >>A: You are a British politician, right?
    >>
    >>
    >>Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
    >>round? (Germany)
    >>A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
    >>Milk is illegal.
    >>
    >>
    >>Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
    >>rattlesnake serum. (USA)
    >>A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
    >>Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled
    >>and make good pets.
    >>
    >>
    >>Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I
    >>forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
    >>A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop
    >>out of
    >>Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You
    >>can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you
    >>go out walking.
    >>
    >>
    >>Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
    >>A: No, WE don't stink.
    >>
    >>Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.
    >>Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
    >>A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
    >>
    >>
    >>Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female
    >>population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
    >>A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
    >>
    >>
    >>Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
    >>A: Only at Christmas.
    >>
    >>
    >>Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the
    >>girl I
    >>dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
    >>A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
    >>
    >>
    >>Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
    >>A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

  2. #2
    "Old-timer" Reggie_Noble's Avatar
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    Default Re: funny shit

    retards...
    Shithouse who?

  3. #3
    Lyrical Toilet Paper Locust's Avatar
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    Default Re: funny shit

    yeah, you can see how many people are stereotypes

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