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Thread: The Fluid Druid - some of my rhymes

  1. #1

    Default The Fluid Druid - some of my rhymes

    hey im new to this forum and i write some rhymes. lemme know what you guys think or things i can improve on. any criticism welcome.

    You might steal rhymes from other people but my schemes are unreadable/genuinely deceivable but not far from believable.
    How much money does the average rapper make, I donít care most of em are so fucking fake. Tryna justify what they speak with weak ass flows/ cant measure up might as well just touch their toes. My verses are seamless like ancient ruins buried beneath us/ Like roaches in the basement unseen for weeks, starting to feel the heat I elevate off the concrete, sun shining beating, heart pounding, believe me, x-ray goggles but my visions hazy, cant see the future but still a little crazy, Beverly hills, prescription pills look at me again u gonna have a medical bill/ No joke, my flows almost on empty and im on broke. Donít try to discover my essence ill rip out every one of your fucking teeth and make a necklace, better start countin your blessings and, whenever I get bored ill just start going hectic, so respect it. I go out to eat and just dine and dash, and if I had a gun it probably go click clack, stay with me donít slip passed my quick syllables that roll off my tongue, feet sprung like grass run fast through the alley I sleep in, leave me some food or ill break into your kitchen on the weekend/ blood circulates but thereís no response, lines dead just static, find the respirator in the attic, dusty boxes but no luck might as well just call a toe truck, toe tag get the green bag, not lying this time its real, need a paramedic but my lips are sealed.

    float to the sun, my words just begun/ fill the air which i declare my space resurrect the truth, every last place/ no lifeline to be traced fate has taken over and i'm first place

  2. #2

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    No lies I speak no crime I seek/ you sound confused so take a seat, And I cant even count all the money I get, this puzzle is treacherous like the venom I spit/ watch me closely better get Your glasses on, feed you so fast and you weighed down like Genghis khan, weight of the world on my shoulders but im shruggin them all, donít hate on me cause Iím the one on the ball/ youíve fallen of the shelf so go join king Kong. Why am I to blame havenít done anything wrong/ releasin my fuel so rapidly no need to be blabbin see? Fill the room with harsh gases just to check if you breathe, chop your body into pieces then hide it under the leaves. Not tryna to deceive, feel the vibe I emulate, get ready escape redirect your thoughts into shapes so sharp, no stakes blind haters kill fakes.

  3. #3

  4. #4

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    nice bars, try having longer rhyming words though. it's not that you dont know any coz your bars are clever. try buying a book and writing down all your best ryming words in. so you got something for reference when writing. + the more rhyming words you write down the more just stick in your head, so it gets easier to freestyle.

  5. #5

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    + try sharpening your skills in the house of flying daggers. emcees are really needed atm.

  6. #6

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    ok thanks alot i appreciate the help. does anyone have like a format for all my rhymes tho? like some help with the way they go together and how to arrange them ?

  7. #7

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    anyone else wanna help me out?

  8. #8

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    My rhymes so sharp like glass in the sand
    watch closely
    understand what im spitting
    livin my life without even sittin

    Dont try to criticise me
    il split your fucking skull
    so dont even try me
    Why me? You See?
    My words hypnotize the whole fuckin galaxy

    and come to your birthday party for free
    gimme a mic, a drink some weed
    ima bleed

    I shed that skin dont be afraid
    my first name is toaster
    and my last name is brave
    Il bring you to your grave

    the fluid druid burns through your subconcious mind
    what does that formulate
    for a young gansta doin time
    lets coordinate
    for the last time il burn your apartment down, with the gas on.

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