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Old 06-29-2005, 09:04 AM   #1
arcane
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Default What the hell should I do?

I'm interested to get feedback in an anonymous setting about this: all my friends and people close to me will have a biased opinion, so I'd like to hear what people here have to say.

My girlfriend of about 6 months and I had a great relationship (literally almost no problems) until a couple of weeks ago she just brushed me off a couple of times for no reason. I eventually got it out of her that she's basically scared to commit to a long-term relationship. That's fucked up right? - normally it's the guy who goes through that shit. I went through it in a different relationship once before and now I'm on the opposite end.

Anyway, she's very adamant that she loves me, but that she needs time (without breaking up with me) and space to be with her friends and figure things out for herself. You're probably thinking that I came on too strong and smothered her, but it's really not like that. She just all of a sudden pulled back when things were going really well.

I promised to be patient while she sorts this out, and we'll hang out whenever she feels like it - yeah, that's probably a chump move, but I honestly think she has good intentions and it's worth it to me to give it a chance.

My question is: how patient would you be if you knew you could have your best relationship ever, just by enduring these conditions?:

What you have to put up with:

-She doesn't call you unless you call her first
-She'll spend basically one day per week with you
-She gets your hopes up and lets you down on a daily basis
-She seems unresponsive in casual conversation
-She tells you that the situation is stressing her out (even though she caused it)

What's keeping you in it:

-When you spend solid time together, she's really sincere and open
-She thanks you for being patient with her
-She's convinced that this is just a phase that will pass
-She says you're "the guy of her dreams"
-She acknowledges that I've been nothing but good to her

By the way, take the following at face value: she feels bad for putting me through this, and that it's definitely not about another guy.

Nice guys finish last, I fucking swear it.
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Old 06-29-2005, 09:07 AM   #2
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Default Re: What the hell should I do?

Sounds like she is gettin ass else where.
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Old 06-29-2005, 09:09 AM   #3
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Default Re: What the hell should I do?

Yep, I know that's what it sounds like, but for the purposes of this discussion, assume it's not that.

By the way, we're both almost 23 years old - that might be useful information.
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Old 06-29-2005, 09:12 AM   #4
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Default Re: What the hell should I do?

shes sounds confused like a lot of girls, she cant trust herself enough to trust you, shes confused, shes really is scared of another's love and how far it can take her, shes confused, she really doesnt think she cares right now/or doesnt care for a loving relationshit, or shes confused, or shes just stuck up...
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Old 06-29-2005, 10:45 AM   #5
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Default Re: What the hell should I do?

i've been thru shit like this, it sounds like she just wants to be single still if she said she can't commit...ur best option is to just take an official break, to see if u still have feelings and she does for u...good luck homie
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Old 06-29-2005, 10:57 AM   #6
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Default Re: What the hell should I do?

There is nothing you can do really. Everyone goes through this. At your age its typical. I remember one of my boys went through this with his ex girlfriend, and a few months ago it was over after 3 years.....just because he started flippin about it. And today he admits it was his fault....even though he couldnt admit when people told him so during the phase. Today he doesnt care about it....he has moved on.

She is right, it is a phase that will just pass. This has nothing to do with being confused. But yes, it is one of the worst of the common phases.

The only good thing about this phase is, if she costs you a lot of money, this is the time you get to save
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Old 06-29-2005, 10:52 AM   #7
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Default Re: What the hell should I do?

make the decision that will get this cleared up fastest

even if it involves ending the relationship

you are too young to have to waste your time on this indecisive shit

ask her to marry you

if she says no

then bounce

PEACE
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Old 06-29-2005, 11:01 AM   #8
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Default Re: What the hell should I do?

haha - thanks Prolifical. That's good insight.

Peace to I-legit, mn and LHX for your feedback too.

The more perspectives the better - keep 'em coming.
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Old 06-29-2005, 11:09 AM   #9
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Default Re: What the hell should I do?

Peace, it seems she appreciates you to the fullest, yet she is still unwilling to go for a long term relationship...
how many relationships has she had?? it seems that going for a long term realtionship is too big of a move for her.... thats not good though as she seemingly likes you so much.

i know you have done this before, but you gotta talk 2 her.

most of us can give advice, yet we dnt know u both.

i'd talk, be patient, and if nothing works, tell her that you may think about breaking up cos u are in a relationship that is continuing but going anywhere. its like a long term relationship without character, feel me?

peace yo
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Old 06-29-2005, 11:28 AM   #10
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Default Re: What the hell should I do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Princerai
Peace, it seems she appreciates you to the fullest, yet she is still unwilling to go for a long term relationship...
how many relationships has she had?? it seems that going for a long term realtionship is too big of a move for her.... thats not good though as she seemingly likes you so much.

i know you have done this before, but you gotta talk 2 her.

most of us can give advice, yet we dnt know u both.

i'd talk, be patient, and if nothing works, tell her that you may think about breaking up cos u are in a relationship that is continuing but going anywhere. its like a long term relationship without character, feel me?

peace yo
Word - trouble is, it's tough to talk to her because that tends to add to her stress, which then adds to mine... To answer your question, she's had way more relationships than I have, but only short ones. She's never been in a long-term thing before... Pretty much your classic girl who's afraid to get close to people. And it wasn't at all a problem until just recently.

Thanks for the feedback. Peace.
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Old 06-29-2005, 11:12 AM   #11
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Default Re: What the hell should I do?

dont let it affect ya sleep

life is loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong

save ya energy
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Old 07-01-2005, 11:29 AM   #12
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Default Re: What the hell should I do?

Don't do the "suspiscious husband" bit yet, just cool out for a minute...she prob'ly is sincere, just forgetful, or busy with something...but don't take this seriously if you consider the fact that I'm 15...I'm older than my age, though, namean?
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Old 06-29-2005, 11:12 AM   #13
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Default Re: What the hell should I do?

lol or that ^

peace
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Old 06-29-2005, 11:32 AM   #14
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Default Re: What the hell should I do?

Peace Arcane, i knew someone who said she really loved me etc, but she also only had very short relationships but very many of them getme?lol, sorry 4 how i phrased dat.

wat im suggesting (not conclusively) is that, maybe she cannot have a long term relationship, and she is trying to end somewhere, but finds it hard to do it cos she has strong feelings 4 u.

i slept on it 4 a while and let her go cos i was pissed in the end and you will end up with a high phone bill and for what??

peace, hope you find a way.

pm me whenever glad to help!
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Old 06-29-2005, 11:34 AM   #15
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Default Re: What the hell should I do?

from the hagakure:

"When one has made a decision to kill a person, even if it will be very difficult to succeed by advancing straight ahead, it will not do to think about going at it in a long roundabout way. One's heart may slacken, he may miss his chance, and by and large there will be no success. The Way of the Samurai is one of immediacy, and it is best to dash in headlong."

i'm telling you:

marry her or forget it

give yourself a deadline of like - now - and get it done with

there's forums to post at and governments to overthrow and space to explore

P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-PEACE

we'll all be here for you if you have a hard time adjusting

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