|05-06-2008, 03:49 PM||#1|
it's all gonna break
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ottawa, on
Posts: 665Rep Power: 9
Flowzz's first dart on WTC
I penned this mess on a fistful of Percocet,
I regret to inform, I deny your norm of conform concepts,
An MC Militant reppin the Bytown Regiment,
The progressive project of a descent that you cant prevent,
The mass of the high class pass by the proletariat,
What, you thinkin that they wont retaliate?
You see we live in a tragic state,
Welfare cheques aint spent on placin food on dinner plates,
Where third world oil wars are funded by rich buraucracies,
Yet you still have the nerve to call this democracy?
A work in progress, tell me what you think, I was on some Immortal Technique shit when I wrote it. comment and critique please
|05-16-2008, 04:55 AM||#2|
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 8,318Rep Power: 44
Hey bro..I'm liking the style that your showing in the short verse.
I ain't got much critique for ya. you seem like someone who's getting to grips with their verbal style so just work on practising syllable connections and building on your wordbank. You could try switching up styles during the verse like start by using multi-syllables then switch you using single syllable lines...peeps like U-God do this shit in their stride so it's all about controlling the pace without sounding the same the whole way through the verse.
keep up the good work and i look forward to seeing some more rhymes from ya fam