 |
  |
|
08-26-2005, 04:41 PM
|
#1 |
|
Junior Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: DETROIT
Age: 30
Posts: 28
Rep Power: 0  |
A Verse I Want Feedback On
I'm Scribin Scripts And Verse's Like A Lyrical Moses/
Fictitious Thugs Smile And Style In Ridiclous Poses/ My Mental Stasis Paces With My Ticker Then The Light I Flicker/on The Blil/ To Excel My Thoughts/ Now I'm Racing Like I Just Bought A Porsche/911/ My Mind You'll Find A Weapon Sharper Than Any Blade/stronger Than Any 50 Cal Or Gauge/ I'm Stuck In My Ways Like A Old Soul With Thought Like I Read A Killers Agenda/ And I Can'T STAND Fakers Frauds And Pretenders/ I Was Raised A Paper Soilder Rise To Hustle Early In The Morning Like Folgers/ Addidicted To The Game Like A Fiend Addidicted To Rush Of Heroin In His Vein/ Just Some Random Thought Feedback Please
__________________
"HORRID TALES IN BRAILE FOR VISION IMPARED" PRODIGY FROM "GOD PT. 3" |
|
|
|
08-26-2005, 11:27 PM
|
#2 |
|
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: drastic ny
Age: 28
Posts: 172
Rep Power: 0 |
Re: A Verse I Want Feedback On
yo, i felt it but it was mad shot though
|
|
|
|
|
08-27-2005, 02:56 AM
|
#3 |
|
aka Loc Daddy Supreme
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Australia
Age: 30
Posts: 2,959
Rep Power: 24  |
Re: A Verse I Want Feedback On
I'd have to say I wasn't feeling it. Try to focus more and put together something that sounds and flows like one continuous piece. There were some decent lines in there, but they just seemed like seperate random thoughts. Even the way you typed it up gave it such an appearance. Keep at it though. It shows potential.
__________________
|
|
|
|
|
08-28-2005, 08:26 AM
|
#4 |
|
Taoist Saint
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Zambia
Age: 32
Posts: 1,271
Rep Power: 10 |
Re: A Verse I Want Feedback On
I suppose you where busting!
But you need to work on improving your lyrical content. Peace |
|
|
|
|
08-28-2005, 12:30 PM
|
#5 |
|
Are you aware I kill at will?
|
Re: A Verse I Want Feedback On
its a start you can definately write a few more drafts.... your thoughts are erratic in this piece...PEaCE
__________________
|
|
|
|
 |
| Thread Tools | |
| Display Modes | |
|
|
Similar Threads
|
||||
| Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
| Tattoos | LadySnowBlood | General Chat | 184 | 08-29-2005 11:24 AM |
| East, West, South, North, Up DOwn yada yada.. | Butter | Hip-Hop Shop | 13 | 08-20-2005 05:03 PM |
| Freedom | Born Ruler I | Temple Of Darts | 4 | 08-17-2005 09:39 AM |
| Couplet | Born Ruler I | Temple Of Darts | 3 | 08-16-2005 08:52 AM |
| Vector art by LSB | LadySnowBlood | Graphics Corner | 34 | 06-19-2005 10:54 PM |
Linear Mode
