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Old 08-30-2005, 11:42 AM   #1
Jabba Jaw
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Default just a quicky

im perverted it seems, since the lord deserted my dreams
im always broke,dont provoke if its worth it i'll scheme
kick the real shit ya couldnt deal wit, a mercilous feind
i write the tragic ,servin emcess, wit a side of salad,
the styles tip top, i make hip hop my bride for marriage
you tried to manage, but couldnt disguise the damage
you guys have had it,
im the headless horseman of rap, enforcin my facts
leavin contortions on cats, n straight scorchin the wack
half of yall traded in ya skills for a porsche and a gatt
fuck poppin lead im choppin heads like swordsmen in fact
the last real rapper, im the unheard myth that you fear
you strickened in fear when my names whispered in ears
more bite than bark turn light to dark n cause mass panic
lookin for a fight to start with a mic in grasp, i blast faggets

just a lil verse
tryin to elevate ya know
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Old 08-30-2005, 12:29 PM   #2
Robert
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Default Re: just a quicky

Nice verse homie, your flow and rhymes were good for the most part. However, the fiend to salad part didn't flow for me, I thought it over in my head and it seemed too abrupt, nah mean? Overall, good verse with the flow a little uneaven at times
peace
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Old 08-30-2005, 05:20 PM   #3
noel411
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Default Re: just a quicky

Nice little piece. Short and simple, well constructed. Some pretty decent word play. Not a bad effort.
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Old 08-31-2005, 01:06 AM   #4
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Default Re: just a quicky

wordplay was aight, better than most of the drops here, overall it was a nice piece, but try to make your lines shorter
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