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Old 08-11-2005, 12:11 AM   #1
newsusw
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Default coke nights=quiet nights

My eyelides open up,
pupils swell and sinisus errupt,
to Much cocaine in the systeM equals no More sleep for us.
late night talks with hoMies seeking Mournfull reMarks,
when asking questions ,yet, that coke has left us silent for starts.


I grab a pen begin to note that numbing feeling in my throat,
cope with hate along with jealousy with verses I wrote.
I search for "liability"
to set my nose and consiouse free..
body cleansed along with voices witch could ring insanity.


your mad at me, girl please dont be, that sea is deep, i need salvation.
lost my talent 'inspiration"
due to lack of "motivation"
see when I reach that destination,
placid lands and open fields,
I'll stroll around with shoes,
not too concerned with shiny wheels.

so when the days muddy,
I 'll just think of something funny,
when no money or loving rings that those anarchistic hummings,
see the U.S.W."S with tunes,
burns a cat like open fumes,
SHIT I'll bring the hate of 20 million AZTEC attitudes!!!!!!!


so for those who's in the battle mood get fucked when I'm high
december avalanches always cause these verses to fly.

when im high.............newsone%%%unspokenwords....music for the mass.....
check out our site....www.myspace.com/unspokenwurdz
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Old 08-11-2005, 01:28 PM   #2
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Default Re: coke nights=quiet nights

Quote:
Originally Posted by newsusw
SHIT I'll bring the hate of 20 million AZTEC attitudes!!!!!!!
you speaking of the dead souls? if so, word up, i play that style too.

as for the flow, i can feel the emotion throughout, the opening got me there like i could see you and your folk sitting around sifting through thoughts and shit (not that i know what u look like, but i felt u, feel me?). i think all u gotta do is work on word placement and cuttin everything down until its sharp as possible. like when u said "body cleansed along with voices witch could ring insanity.", i know what ur saying (i think... was ring sposed to be "bring"?) but there's gotta be a more condensed why to say it.

fewest words for the largest impact, a tough balance. keep writing, PEACe.
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Old 08-12-2005, 12:53 AM   #3
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Default Re: coke nights=quiet nights

Its a nice verse, simply creative. And it flowed well, although there was a part i thought you did flow well (just one part) but it was nice.

Peace
PS: Keep posting
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Old 08-12-2005, 01:15 AM   #4
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Default Re: coke nights=quiet nights

i liked it but i didn't really get the ending
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Old 09-06-2005, 11:24 PM   #5
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Default Re: coke nights=quiet nights

thanks.......
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Old 09-07-2005, 04:54 AM   #6
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Default Re: coke nights=quiet nights

I didn't like it. I thought most of it didn't flow right and the rhyme scheme was weak. Half of it didn't make sense unless I'm reading it incorrectly.

No hate just constructive criticism.
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Old 09-07-2005, 10:49 AM   #7
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Default Re: coke nights=quiet nights

....enjoyed this... though obviously written under the influence drugs it was imaginitive... i enjoyed the abstract qualities of the piece... the rhymes, i felt we're kind of lazy but either way, i liked it... the piece flowed pretty well through out.... at times it felt kind of forced... being a former cocaine addict at one point in my life, i can, totally relate to the first two stanzas so well... you described those feelings perfectly... i don't know if i've read any of your work before but this is nice so post again...
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