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Old 09-14-2005, 11:37 AM   #1
Locust
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Default Australia

funny shit..

>>The questions below about Australia, are from potential visitors.
>>They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers
>>are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously
>>have a sense of humour.
>>
>>Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain
>>on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
>>A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around
>>watching them die. <http://graphics.hotmail.com/i.p.emrose.gif>
>>
>>
>>Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
>>A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
>><http://graphics.hotmail.com/i.p.embeer.gif>
>>
>>
>>Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
>>tracks? (Sweden)
>>A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
>>
>>
>>Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
>>A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
>>
>>
>>Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me
>>a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
>>A: What did your last slave die of?
>>
>>
>>Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in
>>Australia? (USA)
>>A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
>>Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which
>>does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday
>>night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
>>
>>
>>Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
>>A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get
>>here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
>>
>>
>>Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
>>A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
>>
>>
>>Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
>>A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y,
>>which is...oh forget it.
>>Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings
>>Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
>>
>>
>>Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
>>A: You are a British politician, right?
>>
>>
>>Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
>>round? (Germany)
>>A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
>>Milk is illegal.
>>
>>
>>Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
>>rattlesnake serum. (USA)
>>A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
>>Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled
>>and make good pets.
>>
>>
>>Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I
>>forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
>>A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop
>>out of
>>Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You
>>can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you
>>go out walking.
>>
>>
>>Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
>>A: No, WE don't stink.
>>
>>Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.
>>Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
>>A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
>>
>>
>>Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female
>>population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
>>A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
>>
>>
>>Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
>>A: Only at Christmas.
>>
>>
>>Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the
>>girl I
>>dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
>>A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
>>
>>
>>Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
>>A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
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Old 09-14-2005, 12:06 PM   #2
Reggie_Noble
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Default Re: funny shit

retards...
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Old 09-14-2005, 01:34 PM   #3
Locust
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Default Re: funny shit

yeah, you can see how many people are stereotypes
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