0
 

home
news
wu-tang clan
bio's
media
store
blogs
forum
contact

Go Back   Wu-Tang Corp. - Official Site of the Wu-Tang Clan > The Lab > Temple Of Darts

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 02-06-2011, 08:21 AM   #1
Chambers
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 91
Rep Power: 0
Chambers grasshopper
Default first time rhyme spittah, peep this

As the title says, first time I've bothered to write lyrics. Been messin around with producing for a minute so thought I'd give the pen game a go. Nothing crazy bout 10 mins worth of work.
Let me know what you think though.

aye yo, im a first time rhyme spitter/
but my rhymes sicker/
bars like i like my booze, bitter/
5 mic award gripper/
once started, never a quitter/
infinite rhymes emerge from my dome/
catchin wreck like when I clap on the chrome/
shits nickle plated son, my hollow points make jacks run/
sounding like "omars commin" dun, they straight cowards when I'm seen with a gun/
born and raised in Adelaide, the city of churches/
known for smoking bud, missin bodies and murderers,
"thats why you haven't head of us!"/
rhyme style like a bomb thats about to combust/
no sketchy shit here, im the on you can trust/
always can be relied on to get my rhyme on/
venoms darts spat like a deadly python/

Last edited by Chambers; 02-06-2011 at 09:35 AM. Reason: typos
Chambers is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2011, 08:45 AM   #2
Mumm Ra
God's Replica
 
Mumm Ra's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Black Pyramid
Age: 29
Posts: 9,981
Blog Entries: 2
Rep Power: 77
Mumm Ra Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)Mumm Ra Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)Mumm Ra Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)Mumm Ra Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)Mumm Ra Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)Mumm Ra Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)Mumm Ra Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)Mumm Ra Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)Mumm Ra Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)Mumm Ra Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)Mumm Ra Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)
Default

i dont spit or anything and rarely write but...
id try having more multiple syllable rhymes (rhyme on/ python was pretty good)
and rhymes thrown in the middle of the sentence (not just at the end)
for instance, i woulda tried to say "infinite rhymes eject from my dome/ catching wreck like when i clap on the chrome"

also avoid rhyming short words that the listener can see coming a mile away (dome/chrome, run/dun/gun)

also pythons are non-venomous snakes, im jussayin

peace & thanks for sharin
__________________
Mumm Ra is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2011, 09:40 AM   #3
Chambers
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 91
Rep Power: 0
Chambers grasshopper
Default

Cheers, yeah I agree the shits a bit basic. I might give it ago again later with more multies n shit. LOL at the python thing, I know jack about snakes aye.
Chambers is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2011, 03:48 PM   #4
Poison Flowerz!
7 Golden Vampirez
 
Poison Flowerz!'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Japan
Posts: 1,591
Rep Power: 0
Poison Flowerz! Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)Poison Flowerz! Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)Poison Flowerz! Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)Poison Flowerz! Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)Poison Flowerz! Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)Poison Flowerz! Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)Poison Flowerz! Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)Poison Flowerz! Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)Poison Flowerz! Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)Poison Flowerz! Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)Poison Flowerz! Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mumm Ra View Post
also pythons are non-venomous snakes, im jussayin
lololol
__________________

https://poisonflowerz.bandcamp.com/
http://www.youtube.com/user/PoiSoNFLoWeRZ
https://www.facebook.com/PFLoWeRZ404
☰ ☲ ☱ ☴ ☵ ☶ ☳ ☷ ☰ ☲ ☱ ☴ ☵ ☶ ☳ ☷ ☰ ☲ ☱ ☴ ☵ ☶ ☳ ☷
Poison Flowerz! is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-08-2011, 04:22 PM   #5
Dirty Knowledge
I Already Won
 
Dirty Knowledge's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Shaolin South
Age: 29
Posts: 7,147
Rep Power: 28
Dirty Knowledge five deadly venomsDirty Knowledge five deadly venomsDirty Knowledge five deadly venomsDirty Knowledge five deadly venomsDirty Knowledge five deadly venomsDirty Knowledge five deadly venomsDirty Knowledge five deadly venomsDirty Knowledge five deadly venomsDirty Knowledge five deadly venomsDirty Knowledge five deadly venoms
Default

You got a poetic vibe it's more storied than actual boom bap clap bragadocious rap. It was decent for a first time rhymer. How old are you? If you're young, you'll have time to develop. If you an older cat jus' gettin in to it... it can be rough I'd say stick to the poetry.

Alot of times verses get butchered and you have to sacrifice certain words and even lines to make sure your shit flows like a waterfall my dude. Keep writing.
__________________

^ KYLE WILLIAMS POOPS THE BED ^
Dirty Knowledge is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-09-2011, 03:07 AM   #6
Chambers
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 91
Rep Power: 0
Chambers grasshopper
Default

Cheers man, I'm 21. So not that young but I'm no GZA.
Poetic aye, chilled might go read some poetry books to sharpen my swords.
Yeah I'll keep writing, so I can atleast spit some shit over my beats.
Chambers is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-10-2011, 05:57 PM   #7
Dirty Knowledge
I Already Won
 
Dirty Knowledge's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Shaolin South
Age: 29
Posts: 7,147
Rep Power: 28
Dirty Knowledge five deadly venomsDirty Knowledge five deadly venomsDirty Knowledge five deadly venomsDirty Knowledge five deadly venomsDirty Knowledge five deadly venomsDirty Knowledge five deadly venomsDirty Knowledge five deadly venomsDirty Knowledge five deadly venomsDirty Knowledge five deadly venomsDirty Knowledge five deadly venoms
Default

No doubt..you spit at all or just write?
__________________

^ KYLE WILLIAMS POOPS THE BED ^
Dirty Knowledge is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:04 PM.


Copyright 2000 - 2013 The Wu-Tang Corp. & shift-one