Memories....Please READ - Wu-Tang Corp. - Official Site of the Wu-Tang Clan

BoAr · 01-28-2007, 01:26 PM

This is a story, about a few boys and girls ..
.. each grew up a sad life inside a sadder world

Zach
Born in a broken family, dad was a lord with felonies
Mother was a whore that was always selling weed
School was hard on him, kids loved scaring him
"Look at Zack, you would never see him with them"
At nine, cocain came into his life, its how he'd survive
A young age wasted on the addictions we deprive
Later on through life, his heart skipped a beat ..
That beat was never found; so Zach I have 3 words ..
.. rest in peace

Travis
Travis was a friend of mine, it was his birthday; his 21st
Going from a couple of drinks to something much worse
Him and Kenny were drunk that night; haveing some fun
When Kenny decided to whip out his most favorite gun
Like I said, it was Travis' birthday; his fucking 21st
Kenny just sat there thinking you to *Fake* shoot first
"Hey Kenny don't aim that shit at me dude, its not safe*
*Come one Traivis man, fucking learn to be brave*
And sure enough, Travis was shot in the head
And I will never see his smile, rest in peace my friend.

Danica
A woman of natural problems, pregnent at 12
The father was a drunk janitor; the devil of her hell
Her mother couldnt afford any type of adopion
And being Christians, abortion wasnt an option
Her mother made her leave the house, one bag of clothes
At 13 she joined all of the other women known as hoes
She spent 10 years, living that horrible life style
Death was the final chapter of her sad denile.

Krista
My ex love, a woman I cared very much about
A few moments started in hugs and ending in a shout
But we were pretty fucking perfect, until she left me
For a fat kid thats four hundred pounds named Jeffery
She's gone now, I'll remember her forever and always
No, shes not dead just in nother place; a bit daised
I'll find another woman, oh wait I already have
Though Krista is stuck with her sister and drunk dad.

These were true stories about real life people
Who's lives were corupted and later on feeble.

Bigot Hitman · 01-28-2007, 03:50 PM

Good use of vocab and the flow was consistent, lyrcially is was what is should be for the story tellin art, use of rhyme schemes might have made it sound smoother, overall nice piece 8.5/10.

noel411 · 01-28-2007, 07:34 PM

I was kind of disappointed by this. It was ok. Not bad at all. I was just reading some of your other threads, and thinking it would be nice to see you drop a story with that detailed and descriptive style. I’m sure you could work up some vivid imagery. This was quite simple compared to your usual style. Not bad, but not exactly spectacular either. Still, you say these are true stories, so it is what it is, and that’s cool. I just think you could have done it better.

MOUSER WORDS · 01-29-2007, 06:21 PM

its pretty cool .. the good thing is real.. or made up but whatever it is its cool // it may seem u a bit depressed i like the last .. one .. me wtf .. ! good shit

J.T.S. · 01-30-2007, 11:54 AM

Pretty good .

White N Dangerous · 01-30-2007, 12:09 PM

yeah shit was str8 consistent

01-28-2007, 01:26 PM	#1
BoAr Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 42 Rep Power: 0	Memories....Please READ This is a story, about a few boys and girls .. .. each grew up a sad life inside a sadder world Zach Born in a broken family, dad was a lord with felonies Mother was a whore that was always selling weed School was hard on him, kids loved scaring him "Look at Zack, you would never see him with them" At nine, cocain came into his life, its how he'd survive A young age wasted on the addictions we deprive Later on through life, his heart skipped a beat .. That beat was never found; so Zach I have 3 words .. .. rest in peace Travis Travis was a friend of mine, it was his birthday; his 21st Going from a couple of drinks to something much worse Him and Kenny were drunk that night; haveing some fun When Kenny decided to whip out his most favorite gun Like I said, it was Travis' birthday; his fucking 21st Kenny just sat there thinking you to Fake shoot first "Hey Kenny don't aim that shit at me dude, its not safe* Come one Traivis man, fucking learn to be brave And sure enough, Travis was shot in the head And I will never see his smile, rest in peace my friend. Danica A woman of natural problems, pregnent at 12 The father was a drunk janitor; the devil of her hell Her mother couldnt afford any type of adopion And being Christians, abortion wasnt an option Her mother made her leave the house, one bag of clothes At 13 she joined all of the other women known as hoes She spent 10 years, living that horrible life style Death was the final chapter of her sad denile. Krista My ex love, a woman I cared very much about A few moments started in hugs and ending in a shout But we were pretty fucking perfect, until she left me For a fat kid thats four hundred pounds named Jeffery She's gone now, I'll remember her forever and always No, shes not dead just in nother place; a bit daised I'll find another woman, oh wait I already have Though Krista is stuck with her sister and drunk dad. These were true stories about real life people Who's lives were corupted and later on feeble.

01-28-2007, 03:50 PM	#2
Bigot Hitman "Come as you are" Join Date: May 2006 Location: Cincinnati, walnut hills Age: 22 Posts: 2,165 Rep Power: 10	Good use of vocab and the flow was consistent, lyrcially is was what is should be for the story tellin art, use of rhyme schemes might have made it sound smoother, overall nice piece 8.5/10. __________________ The dealer of hope is selling me lies Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise This life was never mine, the rivers never ran Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman) http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61

01-28-2007, 07:34 PM	#3
noel411 aka Loc Daddy Supreme Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Australia Age: 30 Posts: 2,959 Rep Power: 24	I was kind of disappointed by this. It was ok. Not bad at all. I was just reading some of your other threads, and thinking it would be nice to see you drop a story with that detailed and descriptive style. I’m sure you could work up some vivid imagery. This was quite simple compared to your usual style. Not bad, but not exactly spectacular either. Still, you say these are true stories, so it is what it is, and that’s cool. I just think you could have done it better. __________________

01-29-2007, 06:21 PM	#4
MOUSER WORDS Love Poet .. M c of Love Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: LOS ANGELES , CA / TIJUANA , MEXICO Age: 28 Posts: 1,704 Rep Power: 11	its pretty cool .. the good thing is real.. or made up but whatever it is its cool // it may seem u a bit depressed i like the last .. one .. me wtf .. ! good shit __________________ you re blown

01-30-2007, 11:54 AM	#5
J.T.S. God Of WAr Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 4,044 Rep Power: 25	Pretty good . __________________ My evidence, my own testament, written on wood Twelve tribes layin at the head of corners in hoods Hell razah

01-30-2007, 12:09 PM	#6
White N Dangerous LyRiCaL sHiNoBi Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Las Vegas Age: 24 Posts: 1,897 Rep Power: 12	yeah shit was str8 consistent __________________ Tables Turn..Which Made it Worse, Engaged N' Searched.. for a Way ta' Learn, how ta Take tha' Curse of the Weight of Earth Incase it Curved, and Strained my Nervous System.. Rage it Burst, n' Explained in Words how ta Further Wisdom

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