|02-10-2007, 04:50 AM||#1|
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Upland, Cali.
Posts: 61Rep Power: 0
Rate and Advice please.
Nobody knows my covered genious style that flows
Unknown but once it starts up it glows/
Some doubt these abilities of mine
They dull my shine/
You can drink my rhymes lke fine wine
I use my knowledge to keep others in line/
If they don't they feel the sword strike of my rhyme
By the time I'm done they ain't worth a dime/
It's like I sewed up their lip
Cuz' when I unleash my genious I make average people flip/
Walkin' through this land with a different perspective
To see this you don't need a detective/
Goin' through enemies like the sword of a shogun
No need to school novice punks as a form of fun/
I walk around with my identity behind cloak and veil
Make opponent's rhymes as slow as the mail/
Cuttin' down enimies rhymes til' they obtuse
Afterwards you'll find me chuckin' the deuce/
This one is my best.
I'm a straight up gamer
But with a mic I am also a tamer/
Cuz' enemies be like wild beasts never tamed
But when i finish they're the ones that get maimed/
|02-10-2007, 11:54 PM||#2|
aka Loc Daddy Supreme
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 3,577Rep Power: 29
You have a loooooong way to go. Keep at it if you're serious. Check out some other lyrics on here. Listen closely to different types of rhyme schemes, wordplay etc, when you listen to hip hop. This rhyme here is VERY basic. A simple rhyme scheme is cool if you have a strong grammatical form. But you've gotta draw the line somewhere, and rhymes like "flow, glow, mine, shine, wine, line, rhyme, dime" etc, just aren't gonna cut it if you don't at least have strong content, word choice and structure.
Like I said, keep at it and study lyricism to help build your understanding of it. Try different things as you pick up on them. Over time you'll build a stronger style if you're determined enough.
|02-12-2007, 02:24 PM||#3|
Love Poet .. M c of Love
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: LOS ANGELES , CA / TIJUANA , MEXICO
Posts: 1,704Rep Power: 11
sick dog .... its true // dub u got a cool style @ the moment but if u want it better >> u'll c with time .. if u cant c it think dog... it dont feel like it @ first //but rhymes are sick when u love them
you re blown