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Old 02-08-2007, 07:54 AM   #1
hollywoodrealty
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Default Time Machine

sacrifice the sacrificial sacraments
like a wall street killing spree, shreading up documents
dig under the pavement to find our ancestors strapped in transenders
like aliens, same gender, nobody's got the answers
coffin's are time machines, they beam into galaxy's
A higher being gave them amnesty for their travesty
its a lost paradox considered unorthodox
where u can freeze time and stop the clocks tic toc
a parrellel universe where everythings been rehearsed
they do what we do but they do it in reverse
age backwards, born at 80, die a baby, considered a hero
wombs are frozen in at tempatures below sub zero
whatever is our destiny, there's no cancelling, u cant void it
there's no escaping your fate, u cant avoid it
who destroyed the 1st earth and killed the dinasaurs
im battling and examining, damn my eyes are sore
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Last edited by hollywoodrealty; 02-08-2007 at 09:14 AM.
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Old 02-08-2007, 04:59 PM   #2
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Good creativity, short verses like these are good cuz your more likely to stay on topic. Nice imgination and new concepts on that, and the flow was never uneven throughout. No metaphors or similes, which is ok for this type of short piece. No multies cept for the closer, which is cool but i would of mixed a couple in their to make it sound smoother. 8/10
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Old 02-10-2007, 07:41 AM   #3
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yo thanks for the comments, ya i was trying to stay on focus with the subject, i was high and up late writing this shit, thanks for the comments, peace
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Old 02-10-2007, 07:49 AM   #4
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woo da butcher is back !!!! sup man! diggin this!
feelin da begging alot! really captivates ya read into staying entertained and wanting to acutally read it. rather then the reader feelling like he is forceing himself to read it. very nice potrayed. stay up keep blessin
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Old 02-10-2007, 11:57 PM   #5
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Not bad. A few interesting concepts in there. It read smoothly. Maybe a subject that could have used a little more depth and detail, but not bad for a quick drop.
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Old 02-11-2007, 06:11 PM   #6
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yo white and dangerous, thanks for stoppen by and showing love, ya i never really went anywhere, i have just been working on audio lately, i didnt want to let all thsoe rhymes i wrote go to waste so ive slowly peiced them together into over 20 tracks on my soundclick page, give it a listen sometimes, thanks for droppen feedback, peace.......

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Old 02-11-2007, 06:13 PM   #7
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yo noel411, thanks for droppen me some feedback, u are considered one of the best on this site so its an honor to get some nice comments from u, thanks and peace
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Old 02-12-2007, 01:26 PM   #8
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Tight i like your style, the way you put your lines together's real original!
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Old 02-13-2007, 08:54 PM   #9
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a parrellel universe where everythings been rehearsed
they do what we do but they do it in reverse

Love this line....nicely done, sometimes with concept raps, we wanna cram so much shit in and it flows shitty, but u did a nice job.
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Old 02-15-2007, 06:33 AM   #10
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yo jts, thanks for reading this piece, keep your eyes peeled for more of this type of shit, thanks for droppen feedback, peace
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Old 02-15-2007, 06:34 AM   #11
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yo nicky tooch, thanks for peepen this verse, ya i was loving that line also, i try not to kill a concept song, usually i dont even set out to make it that way, i just look for a good opening line and then let my mind put it together from there, thanks for checken out this page, peace
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