Feedback neeeeeeeded

[DJMethods]

Ay yo. Wrote this last night at 5am-ish, fucking delusional from lack of sleep. Bout an MC, weight on his conscience, depressed from all sorts of shit and what not. He's dead in the first verse but the next 2 lead up to the death.. kinda starts at the end. Tell us if you get the rhyme scheme. Peace!

He could never afford turntables or mpc's
was just another juvenile delinquent slash wannabe emcee
livin the next day, gettin pay, nothin was a guarantee
to use a cliche, no one believed in this b
he was always known as a no good drug fiend
so he turn to crime and put the drugs straight in his blood stream
to know whats on the other side, spent most his time wondering
what'd happen if he died, and ended the suffering
he failed at school, but it wasnt coz he was slow
he failed because he already knew what there was to know
to survive on the streets, and philosophy on life
more interested in beats, and avoiding the knife
his past was littered with hate n drugs
his childhood filled with fakin thugs
when he passed out and nothin in the world could wake him up
his mind flashed back to all the mistakes he's done...

Wrote about his life, and the pain he feels
halfway through he wonders if anyones goin thro the same deal
can only compose on paper, but he's quite articulate
the hip-hop caper, this kids quite sick with it
his schitzophrenias startin to play tricks on the mental
so turns up the volume on the slick instrumental
sick of the commercial rap, to societys detrimental
so makes a pact to take it back like its a rental
only thing keepin him sane was the hip-hop environment
or his team being up when the final siren went
hip-hop was crashing, they're aint no denyin it
tired of stashin it, so he showed where the fire went
every night he wrote till 5 in the morn
about all the sins hes commited, how his disturbed minds torn
how hes submitted to darkness, and will never be reborn
even though he was aquitted, still pricked by the roses thorn

taking the knowledge inspired by the books hes read
he uses his talent to write truths that needs to be spread
like, how the cultural differences may always be vast,
but in the one man race we all finish last
tryin to inspire using love and serenity
through rhymes as he sits with a bottle of hennessy
sayin hes a changed man, askin god why isnt he gettin any
puts the gun to his mouth until the barrel is empty

I wrote it to a beat I'm tryina get... its off a mate of a mate, absolutely hot beat, real soulful and kinda depressing. just wrote to how it made me feel.. But yeah, the bars fit perfectly and what not, more interested in feedback on lyrics!