0
 

home
news
wu-tang clan
bio's
media
store
blogs
forum
contact

Go Back   Wu-Tang Corp. - Official Site of the Wu-Tang Clan > The Lab > Temple Of Darts

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-02-2011, 03:58 PM   #1
Mai Wang Tu Phat
Keep firing, assholes!
 
Mai Wang Tu Phat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Boston
Posts: 573
Rep Power: 0
Mai Wang Tu Phat iron monkeyMai Wang Tu Phat iron monkeyMai Wang Tu Phat iron monkey
Default Haven't ever really written a verse before

This an 8 bar warnin', meditate and watch your fate, start formin'
I'm a busy bee, occasionally I'm caught swarmin', an anti lawman
you can't get past doorman in this house of consequences
thought prevention, stop the tension, and oh yeah not to mention
I'm in my own class, way above the opposition
I'm sure you'd agree if you took the time to stop and listen
I used to have message, as a degenerate adolescent
crossroads of the past and present, was my last impression
I made my therapist's head explode. Confession.
Like history, I'm teaching you a pointless lesson
grab ahold of the important and start lovin' 'em close
My demeanor is so subtle I start summoning ghosts.
don't complicate plot, my whole life has been a late stop
Stop tryin' to relive the past, man...great scott


Comments and criticism?

Last edited by Mai Wang Tu Phat; 07-02-2011 at 08:43 PM.
Mai Wang Tu Phat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-02-2011, 06:02 PM   #2
llBARlllCODEll
PRODIGAL SUN
 
llBARlllCODEll's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 1,447
Rep Power: 0
llBARlllCODEll Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)llBARlllCODEll Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)llBARlllCODEll Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)llBARlllCODEll Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)llBARlllCODEll Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)llBARlllCODEll Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)llBARlllCODEll Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)llBARlllCODEll Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)llBARlllCODEll Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)llBARlllCODEll Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)llBARlllCODEll Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)
Default

its dope overall. i think sometimes ur using to many words or syllables. like here...

"I'm in my own class, way above the opposition" u could drop the I'm and let it just be In my own class


this is just my opinion tho man. im not an emcee and havent written anything in years so somebody else might say different. keep practicin tho. it wasnt wak at all IMO
__________________
llBARlllCODEll is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-02-2011, 06:42 PM   #3
SHEEPISH LORD OF CHAOS
AKA THE PROTO-CHAOS
 
SHEEPISH LORD OF CHAOS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Section 9 HQ
Posts: 9,408
Blog Entries: 1
Rep Power: 57
SHEEPISH LORD OF CHAOS Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)SHEEPISH LORD OF CHAOS Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)SHEEPISH LORD OF CHAOS Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)SHEEPISH LORD OF CHAOS Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)SHEEPISH LORD OF CHAOS Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)SHEEPISH LORD OF CHAOS Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)SHEEPISH LORD OF CHAOS Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)SHEEPISH LORD OF CHAOS Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)SHEEPISH LORD OF CHAOS Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)SHEEPISH LORD OF CHAOS Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)SHEEPISH LORD OF CHAOS Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)
Default

its a dope drop and like bar said drop the like and the an and sub those words or drop them completely
__________________

NON IGNORANT...





SHEEPISH LORD OF CHAOS is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-02-2011, 08:41 PM   #4
Mai Wang Tu Phat
Keep firing, assholes!
 
Mai Wang Tu Phat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Boston
Posts: 573
Rep Power: 0
Mai Wang Tu Phat iron monkeyMai Wang Tu Phat iron monkeyMai Wang Tu Phat iron monkey
Default

Thanks guys, the reason I had those extra words in there so it would fit the bit I was writing to.
Mai Wang Tu Phat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-02-2011, 08:53 PM   #5
llBARlllCODEll
PRODIGAL SUN
 
llBARlllCODEll's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 1,447
Rep Power: 0
llBARlllCODEll Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)llBARlllCODEll Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)llBARlllCODEll Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)llBARlllCODEll Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)llBARlllCODEll Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)llBARlllCODEll Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)llBARlllCODEll Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)llBARlllCODEll Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)llBARlllCODEll Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)llBARlllCODEll Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)llBARlllCODEll Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)
Default

yeah i'd have to hear it on the beat to give further feed but keep writin and maybe evn try recording. u might be onto somethin. u had me with the first line

i read it again

and OH yeah not to mention
I'M in my own class, way above the opposition

its just one of those words capitilized is where i think u could change it but like i said i dont know what u wrote it to so my feed could even change if i heard it recorded as far as just the lyricism
__________________
llBARlllCODEll is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-03-2011, 09:18 AM   #6
Mai Wang Tu Phat
Keep firing, assholes!
 
Mai Wang Tu Phat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Boston
Posts: 573
Rep Power: 0
Mai Wang Tu Phat iron monkeyMai Wang Tu Phat iron monkeyMai Wang Tu Phat iron monkey
Default

It was to this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYb2nkwmI0c
Mai Wang Tu Phat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-11-2011, 11:40 AM   #7
J.T.S.
God Of WAr
 
J.T.S.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 4,403
Rep Power: 29
J.T.S. Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)J.T.S. Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)J.T.S. Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)J.T.S. Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)J.T.S. Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)J.T.S. Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)J.T.S. Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)J.T.S. Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)J.T.S. Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)J.T.S. Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)J.T.S. Iron Lungs (Fists of Legend)
Default

this shit was pretty good .
__________________



My evidence, my own testament, written on wood
Twelve tribes layin at the head of corners in hoods
Hell razah
J.T.S. is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:42 AM.


Copyright 2000 - 2013 The Wu-Tang Corp. & shift-one