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Old 01-15-2007, 10:47 PM   #31
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...good concept, i like that alot, but go rewrite it a couple times... fuck what people think; you as the ARTIST get to deside what it becomes... tighten the flow and get some multi syllabic rhyme schemes... but again, great concept...
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Old 01-16-2007, 06:38 AM   #32
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Not a bad drop, homie. Interesting concept. I enjoyed it enough. I say go on with it if you feel you have it in you. Don't go on with it because people told you to though. The hook could use a little re-work if you're gonna try for a tight finished product too. But yeah, nice piece.
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Old 01-16-2007, 06:42 AM   #33
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That was a pretty decent display. Definately had a few solid lines in there. Some bars ought to be shortened though. If you edit it a little to tighten the structure and flow, it would be a nice verse.
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Old 01-16-2007, 03:51 PM   #34
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Old 01-25-2007, 04:58 PM   #35
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Default Imprisoned In My Mind

I'm trapped in these walls, fallin' back into blackness
Baack into wackness, barred from the lines that I rap with
In my mind is a passion just askin' to be blasted
Let it breathe, the disease that gets released from my chapped lips
I look past it, I don't have sense I have rashness
Miraculous actions passed in disastrous rations
My rap is a coupe, I soupe it up and I gas it
Pedal to the floor boards, heavy metal music blastin'
But I crash it, it's Russian Roulette and I stack chips
I'm past ripped, hand my soul a pack of them matches
And a lighter, gasoline, a magazine and a gat, clips
And afterwards scatter ashes on my casket
I fear havin' my back lashed and strapped with a black whip
Ask my master for laxness, when he grants it I relax
But I can't quit or stand it, all I hear is the laughin'
My spirit collapses, passes back into blackness

I'll leave ya bleedin' and screamin, pleadin' and askin' what happened
Gasp for breath, slash ya chest, grab ya neck and just snap it
Serrated blade in the jacket, razors made to be jagged
Telepathic ever since Hellen Keller was splashin'
The aftermath of this psychopath's wrath is detachment
Severed heads in the mattress, cats slit wrists in the bathtub
A lonely sociopath, a killer like Zodiac
You'd have to be a maniac to actually hold me back
Like kids that flash black Macs in the street for reaction
Havin' flashbacks from droppin' to much battery acid
They just actors enraptured, just dramatic and captured
The limelight to rhyme tight, I'll 'spine write' and spit backwards/'back words'
My raps are artifacts make heart attacks so I'm claspin'
My chest, it's hard to grasp when red sheds and I'm gaspin'
My brain just bled to death so all that I'm askin'
Is for freedom from these walls, I fall back into blackness

I'm trapped in these walls, fallin' back into blackness
I'm strapped with a magnum, it's my tongue and it lashes
Like the sermons of clergymen whether Catholic or Baptist
They don't bless, they molest, it's messed up but it happens
The verbal assassin that attacks with a madness
Murderin' Fascists, hittin' birds when they flappin'
It's just rappin' that sticks to the words that I plaster
It's magic, don't ask which/witch craft did I master
Your ass'll get smashed with an axe stashed in the attic
I'm addict attracted to grabbin' asses and havin'
Erratic actions, like slappin' Rick and jackin' his crack with
Dave Chappelle raisin' hell with bad kids like the Jacksons
I might blow in the microphone for the crackle and static (pssssh)
That's the reaction of my Prozac when I snack it
My brain waves are clashin', playin' games and I'm whackin
Off, and my dick spits, coughs, and yaks in a napkin
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Old 01-25-2007, 04:59 PM   #36
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Default Ha..

Dirty Mattress Covered In Diluted Putrid Puke & Blood
Infused With Bugs As I Send Two Canines Through My Tongue
A Porous Taste, What A Horrid Waste Of Life's Elixir
Despite The Mixture, I See By Way Of Nights Old Fissure:
The Moon! Dancing Above My Shoulder, Behind The Bars
Entwined With Stars, Lost In Darkness: I Don't Find It Far
My Life Defined In Shards Of Shattered Moments Long Dead
When Attainting Insanity, A Buried Life's Hopeless Song Spread
However I Sang Effortlessly, Chest Deep, Full Of Breath
With Angels, Voice A Horde In One Accord, It Pulls My Chest
The Stoned Walls Are My Tomb & The Truth Is Ive Grown
In This Hell: Six-By-Six Cell Paded Walls Included: My Home
The Rabblings Of An Old Man Imprisoned By Social Wants
As I Stare Into The Depths With Zest, Giving Hopeful Taunts
Whats Insanity? You Dare Ask A Man With Half A Family?
Gasped In Flattery! Civil Servants Then Trashed & Damaged Me
Delay The Grade, Don't Judge Me: We Live In A Day & Age
Where Cold Fame Is Gained, Names Made But Change Is Played?
Guess Whoever You Are, You Want To Know About My Plight
So You Can Put Doubt To Flight, Look At Your Life & Count It Right?

You Act So Fucking Ugly...

Smug, You Judge Negatively If Its Deemed Different Or Odd
Mentors Drop! The Science Age: When Stupidity's Meant To Stop?
Yet We Exist In It - This Is Shit - People Glorify Dumb
Or Defy Clubs As A Singled Out Individual, Born Denied Love
You're Realized Scum! I See Ignorance At Upper Levels
Even As Legions Hide These Facts By Battling Other Devils
The Connection Is Dumb Fucks Where The Sky's The Limit
They Get Everything With A Cherry On Top, So Why The Gimic?
Oddly, People Are Zombies In The Body With The Grunts
As Schooling Falls, Stupidity Calls! Don't Think Its A Funk
Im No Christian But Listen: Religion Is Very Key Now
Because Before I Show You Insanity, Look At Me & See How
Regular Screams Sound Forced Out Of Any Mouth But Mine
This Could Take Awhile! Line Limit Doesn't Count, Fuck Time
Insanity & Religion Were Forever Linked Originally
This Shit Gets Thick! Take That Figuratively Or Literally
Demons Are Stories? Worry: That Thought Leaves Us Caught
Nowadays If It Deals With Shades, It Then Turns To Jesus Talk
Trifle Bible Bashers & Attackers Who Don't See A Link
In Each Culture Their Are Vultured Ghosts, You Need To Think
Bored For Minutes? Its Finished! You're Then Leaving
Betelguise Without Michael Keaton, Can't I Refer To Demons?
I See Them & As Fate Has It, We Can't Even Escape Habit
Strolling Within A Holding Straight Jacket & That Ain't Magic
Sides Guarded By Royal Rabble That Travel The Farscapes
Eating Dishes Of Scarred Fates & The Shrapnel In Tart Grapes
Holed Up In A Corner, Worn & Tortured Into This Apex
While Nude: Im Naked With Satan, Trying To Loose His Graces
If A Man Sees A Shadow, A Mad Foe Or A Mantel Of Black
They're Deemed A Dream Yet Evil Exists? There's No Handling That
Cuz Money Doesn't Corrupt Souls, Nor Does Enough Gold
Its The Voice In My Ear, The Boys That I Sheered, Cuts Show
& Whats Home? A Place Where You're Alone With Spirits
Or Bone With Dearest In Darkness, Oh God Knows I Fear It
The Nearest I Can Tell We're Falling, I See The Edge
Cuz We Attack Exact & Isolate Those Most Needing Friends

And Here I Lay...

In My Own Hollow Daze, In A Phase That Remains A Fact
In This Cell Of A Hole, Spelling A Toll, It Detains My Laugh
Echoing Off Soft Stone, Im Oft Lone In Freezing Rain
In Wisdom, In The Fetal Position Enjoying The Squeezing Pain
Disease Then Came In Storms, A Form Of Rotting My Skin
Epidermis Implores Me, A Demon Exploring & Knocking Within
Im Cattle Left To Battle In Darkness During Lights Out
From Any Perspective & From Any Direction They Might Pounce
Believe Im Screaming: Tempted To Only Flee The Demons
"They Look So Beautiful" I Think, Tears Gleam When Streaming
My Hulk: An Englowing Tree! The Vines Aligned With Stalks
Spine At Fault! Luck & Hope: Fuck You Both, Rewind The Talk
Listen Closely & Know Me: This Insanity Isn't Cruel
A Family Is Futile & I'd Be Damned To Be Less Truthful
Civilization Always Deems The Unknown Immoral & Evil
Society's Canvas Of Corruption Paints Us Horrible People
You're Born All Numb, See Society Breeds Formal Dumb
See Through Proof Into Truth & Realize Im The Normal One

Because You...

Make Your Insane, Change Became The Villian In This Act
& As Days Go By, Flows Time, All Our Children're Missing Half
Growing Steadily Dumber, Into Heavenly Slumber We Go
We Had Sunlight For One Night, However Now Summer Sees No
I Bleed Yo, It Hurts Seeing & Not Believing This Shit
Im Screaming In Fits! Son Of Sam, Lets Leave Him To Shift
In His Grave, The State Saved Those They Call Worthy
But Under Rain Droplets All Are Caught Wet Cuz It Falls Purely
God Rains On The Just & Those With Lust In Abundance
Look On My Scars Real Hard, Stop The Farce Of A Stunned Glance
Locked Away, Its Not The Same Til Our Features Are Sand
In Prison, Unforgiven, Totally Insane Yet A Creature Of Man

You Made Me...
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Old 01-25-2007, 08:26 PM   #37
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Old 01-26-2007, 06:20 PM   #38
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Good shit man. I really like the style you have used on these verses. Very interesting wording and subject matter. Good structure too. Keep it up.
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Old 01-26-2007, 06:27 PM   #39
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That was fucken ill. Tight shit indeed. I haven't seen anybody with your ability come through here in a while. This is a really tight piece. It flowed so smooth with the resounding rhyme scheme. I liked pretty much everything about this piece. It would sound ill in audio if you can rap. Keep bringing the illness.
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Old 01-26-2007, 07:09 PM   #40
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Ah thx duke
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Old 01-26-2007, 07:11 PM   #41
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I like it!
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Old 01-27-2007, 09:10 AM   #42
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lol ben...

We'll I guess since that came from one of the best mc's I know on text ty
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Old 01-29-2007, 02:57 PM   #43
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How about "Raw Art" Boar, an yo shit on this page is some of the best on the thread.
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Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
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