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07-04-2005, 09:53 AM
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#1 |
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Dr. Saunders
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Granite State
Age: 26
Posts: 2,262
Rep Power: 15   |
*****AcidPhosphates Acidic Rhymes*****
Gotcha in critical condition, about analytical missions, digital petition to remove the comission, decision about to become the incision into the heart of darkness, the start of sharpness, land locked Lochness with deadly aim, as soon as I came the game changed, nothin' will eva be the same, it's a shame for shamanistic , ballistic, sick shit that comes twisted like a cyclone, my mind's edge cuts you to the bone, streets is my home, where it's a war of clones, bullets like stones skip across the water of peace, a crease in a cease-fire by cats who be livewire, full of desire, murder for hire, the town crier, cryin', tellin' tales of treacherous tryin' and terrible dyin', spyin' like a secret agent 007, eleven eleven is twenty-two send ya to Heaven, heathen I'm neva leavin' even if I contract a disease and fall down bleedin', I'll continue to blaze trees where-ever I please until I'm deceased, oh...she's a breeze, a ho on her knees, a distraction from the real action, packin' my method of attackin' I'm never slackin', I remember way back when I thought this neva would happen, so I chose rappin' over cappin' or slappin', slangin', bangin' or head-rangin', no shame in shakin' when I came in, I'm not blamin' you for flamin' at me, I'd the same if my girl was wavin' at me, cravin' that sheek, sleek cat with the sweet , sly speech, you within my reach, you a beach that doesn't deserve the sea, understand what I mean? get off my scene bitch
Remember, that shit is from like 2 years ago and I did it when I should have been taking notes |
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07-04-2005, 02:47 PM
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#2 |
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LyRiCaL sHiNoBi
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Las Vegas
Age: 24
Posts: 1,897
Rep Power: 12   |
Re: I wrote this a while ago when I was still in school
its accutally good, i was feeling it. 9/10
__________________
 Tables Turn..Which Made it Worse, Engaged N' Searched.. for a Way ta' Learn, how ta Take tha' Curse of the Weight of Earth Incase it Curved, and Strained my Nervous System.. Rage it Burst, n' Explained in Words how ta Further Wisdom |
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07-04-2005, 05:15 PM
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#3 |
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Banned
Join Date: Jun 2005
Age: 25
Posts: 33,388
Rep Power: 0 |
Re: I wrote this a while ago when I was still in school
that was an insane in flame rhymes thats on fire
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07-04-2005, 08:37 PM
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#4 |
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Dr. Saunders
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Granite State
Age: 26
Posts: 2,262
Rep Power: 15 |
Re: I wrote this a while ago when I was still in school
Yo, thanks for the feedback.
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07-04-2005, 10:50 PM
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#5 | |
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The Soulless Survivalist
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: The part of Hell that froze over..
Age: 32
Posts: 809
Rep Power: 12 |
Re: I wrote this a while ago when I was still in school
Quote:
decent verse, it'd read better if it wasn't in paragraph form... PEACE PSY
__________________
 "God created you in his image, 'cause he's unsure of his existence.." --Psykosus in: "The Winter's Almost Over" from: 'Winterville: A Place For Lost Souls' EP www.Myspace.com/psykosus |
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07-05-2005, 01:10 AM
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#6 | |
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Taoist Saint
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Zambia
Age: 32
Posts: 1,271
Rep Power: 10 |
Re: I wrote this a while ago when I was still in school
Quote:
Peace |
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07-06-2005, 11:16 PM
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#8 |
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Dr. Saunders
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Granite State
Age: 26
Posts: 2,262
Rep Power: 15 |
My Ex, Stacy.
I wrote this back when I was really into the whole, "I want holes in my brain" state of my life, which was about a year ago. The flow is weird on this one. Just read it like you're reading a book.
Damn, I'm taken...spacin'...try retracin' the steps I took last night. Am I alright? Why is my nose broken....did I get into a fight? Might as well settle down before I'm dead in the ground. Back then? I was better than now. Perpetual frown whenever I come down. I've smoked coke AND crack...damn, imagine that. Throwin' powder in a bowl is where it's at. Snorting and contorting my ways. I rolled face for 8 days straight. Then I took a day break then back on with that disco cake. Wake and bake, Always rooms for shrooms but, here we all call them booms. I've seen too many friends laid in tombs. Took it too far staight to their dooms. I've taken so many pills I can't remember with what they're filled. Morphine seemed like a blast...but fuck heroin...that shit will last. Stick to my psychology, monkey on my back with no apology. I almost died, got hit by a car while I was on them yellow torches. My brain is fried, so far gone and so hot off ex my footprint scorches. I was wheelin' and dealin' to anybody who'd buy the feelin'. it was appealin' seein' my customers reelin' from quality rolls. that is until my greed got outta control. I let my boy's lil' bro get a hold of one of those yellows. it wasn't even mellow, hello...this little kid is freakin' out...tweakin' out about how he thinks he's gonna die, damn dog...i think i'm gonna cry. this is my little man right here, about to kick the can right here. shit dude, this rhyme is too deep...so now, i'm just gonna creep to sleep. Peace.
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07-07-2005, 01:47 AM
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#9 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: mount everest
Posts: 132
Rep Power: 0 |
Re: My Ex, Stacy.
thats some crazy shit kid, were u really that fucked up? aside from the bad expirence it was an ill drop...peace and 1
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"ya'll niggas can't be serious, i was nice before ice, before christ, before the the words let there be light, and the light took over the night, i was born wit the mic, lord of the mic before all plant and animal life, took this rap shit to new heights before the wright brothers took flight, before dogfightin' and aerial strikes, before mc's picked up pens and started to write" - Canibus |
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07-07-2005, 02:31 AM
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#10 |
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Taoist Saint
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Zambia
Age: 32
Posts: 1,271
Rep Power: 10 |
Re: My Ex, Stacy.
Quite intricate, don't inform others on how they should read it (let them pick the flow). But the verse has a lifestyle that it portrays which is quite vivid and well place. Nice verse, eratic just as the lifestyle you wrote may seem. I will not comment on the flow, cause the lifestyle can create such a mixture of events (and distorted). I have not read alot of verses such as this one. Especially the content. Take care!!!!!!!!!!!!
Peace |
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07-07-2005, 09:44 PM
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#11 |
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Dr. Saunders
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Granite State
Age: 26
Posts: 2,262
Rep Power: 15 |
Re: My Ex, Stacy.
Yo' seriously thanks for the feedback. Yeah, shit was fucked then but I dunno, life is better now. That little kid I was talking about, he's doing good now but seriously, that little kid was fucked. He's like 4" flat, 14 years old and I've seen this kid do some crazy shit. It's fucked up cuz the kids he hung out with were all of us at our worst times. Those 8 days I rolled, he was tagging along with me the whole time. On the real, I got mad love for that little dude cuz he's been there for the kind of shit no little kid should be around.
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07-08-2005, 09:02 AM
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#12 |
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the illuminated orator
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 141
Rep Power: 0 |
Re: My Ex, Stacy.
...interesting script... drugs are bad... i used to do what you did in that rhyme but i dropped it... the flow is real hot at points but like a story book at others... the imagery was there... you need to write in bar format though... not much vocab beyond the drug slang... a wasted line about mushrooms being called booms i felt... all drugs stick to your psychology... and where is the drug you got your name sake from... keep scripting man...
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http://www.flying101.org |
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07-27-2005, 06:28 AM
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#14 |
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Dr. Saunders
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Granite State
Age: 26
Posts: 2,262
Rep Power: 15 |
Caught Up
wrote this last night...got some shit on my mind i needed to get out
mad strife around me, bad life surrounds me astounds me to see, that i can try but never succeed evil deeds done, come sow the seeds of fun straight up wile out, but ya last mile's out luck is runnin' down, fuck...i'm comin' down comin' round to the reality, of my criminal individuality caught up with a rep, cops hot on my step crept up cruisers, kept watch on users abusers, losers, and bruisers i got nothin' to show, nowhere to go so, i'm wishin' that this shit will just blow over and i can escape, this sobering fate what i worked to create, is about to disintigrate i hate what i've become, not so young and still dumb from shit called a town, pit-falls abound hearin' sirens sound, fearin' po-nines around i get away to scrape by another day either way, this shit isn't okay what will i say please, how will i stay free god, save me...i crave thee to raise me up from the grit and grime, to a more innocent time how can i survive when fives ride, must hide buy a minute, caught up...stuck in it called a game but you'll never win it once you begin it, you'll never finish diminished hope, failed ways to cope light at the end of the tunnel? nope i'm coked, stoked...choked by the rope strung up, hung up, caught up and legally shot up
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07-15-2006, 12:14 AM
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#15 |
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Dr. Saunders
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Granite State
Age: 26
Posts: 2,262
Rep Power: 15 |
Get Burned Wit Acid Pee
Alright, here goes nothing...
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