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Old 07-05-2005, 10:11 AM   #16
MantiZ
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Default Re: joke of the day

An elderly Italian Jewish man wanted to unburden his guilty conscience by talking to his Rabbi. "Rabbi, during World War II, when the Germans entered Italy, I pretended to be a 'goy" and changed my name from Levi to Spamoni and I am alive today because of it."
"Self preservation is important and the fact that you never forgot that you were a Jew is admirable," said the Rabbi.
"Rabbi, a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. I hid her in my attic and they never found her."
"That was a wonderful thing you did and you have no need to feel guilty."
"It's worse Rabbi. I was weak and allowed her to repay me for my efforts with her sexual favours."
"You were both in great danger and would have suffered terribly if the Germans had found her. There is a favourable balance between good and evil and you will be judged kindly. Give up your feelings of guilt."
"Thank you, Rabbi. That's a great load off my mind. But I have one more question."
"And what is that?"
"Should I tell her the war is over?"
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I wish all skinheads smelled like Mr.Clean..

"G-Unit's full of bitches
Banks is a bitch
Young Buck is a Bitch
Tony Yayo is a bitch
Fifty is a bitch
Olivia's a bitch...HOLD UP! Olivia's a man!" The Game

i can't commit suicide. suicide committed me. so my suicide is dead.
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Old 07-05-2005, 10:13 AM   #17
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Default Re: joke of the day

lmao! omg, classic
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Old 07-05-2005, 10:14 AM   #18
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Old 07-05-2005, 10:18 AM   #19
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Default Re: joke of the day

ahaha funny shit post more jokes
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Old 07-05-2005, 10:18 AM   #20
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hahah
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Old 07-05-2005, 10:19 AM   #21
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Default Re: joke of the day

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much." The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years


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Old 07-05-2005, 10:21 AM   #22
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Default Re: joke of the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by 100pr00f
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much." The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years

^MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... fuckin classic!
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Old 07-05-2005, 10:37 AM   #23
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Default Re: joke of the day

A bartender is getting ready to close for the night when a robber bursts in and pulls a gun.

“This is a stickup!” He yells. “Put all your dough in a bag!”

“Don’t shoot,” pleads the barkeep. “I’ll do whatever you say!”

The bartender stuffs all the money into a bag and hands it over. The crook snatches it and then puts the gun to the bartender’s head and says, “All right, now give me a blow job!”

“Anything!” cries the bartender. “Just don’t shoot!”

The bartender gets on his knees and starts blowing the guy. After a few minutes, the robber gets so excited he drops his gun.

The bartender picks the gun up off the floor and hands it back to the robber. “Hold the gun, dammit,” he says. “One of my friends might walk in!”
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I wish all skinheads smelled like Mr.Clean..

"G-Unit's full of bitches
Banks is a bitch
Young Buck is a Bitch
Tony Yayo is a bitch
Fifty is a bitch
Olivia's a bitch...HOLD UP! Olivia's a man!" The Game

i can't commit suicide. suicide committed me. so my suicide is dead.
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Old 07-05-2005, 10:39 AM   #24
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Default Re: joke of the day

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in Alabama. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?" The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!" The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down.She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?" Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!" The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "I say, old chap, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?" The drunk replied, "any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"
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I wish all skinheads smelled like Mr.Clean..

"G-Unit's full of bitches
Banks is a bitch
Young Buck is a Bitch
Tony Yayo is a bitch
Fifty is a bitch
Olivia's a bitch...HOLD UP! Olivia's a man!" The Game

i can't commit suicide. suicide committed me. so my suicide is dead.
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Old 07-05-2005, 10:41 AM   #25
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Default Re: joke of the day

hahah they both dope matiz..
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Old 07-05-2005, 10:44 AM   #26
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Default Re: joke of the day

A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable fidelity practices when suddenly, the woman reaches over and slices off the mans penis and angrily tosses it out the window of the car.

Driving behind the car is a pickup truck with a man and his 10 year old daughter chatting away beside him. All of the sudden, the penis smacks the pickup in the windshield and flies off.

Surprised, the daughter asks her daddy, "Daddy what in the heck was that ?!?"

Not wanting to expose his 10 year old daughter to sex at such a tender age, the father replies, "It was only a bug, honey."

The daughter gets a confused look on her face, and after a minute, she says. "Sure had a big dick."
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Old 07-05-2005, 10:47 AM   #27
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Default Re: joke of the day

hahahaha... rofl.
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Old 07-05-2005, 01:12 PM   #28
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Default Re: joke of the day

this some funny shit in here
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Old 07-05-2005, 02:32 PM   #29
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Old 07-05-2005, 02:34 PM   #30
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Default Re: joke of the day

A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches "Can I help you sir?""
Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr" the man replies.
The cop asks "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"
It wasss on the end of thisshh key" the man replies.
About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's weiner is hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.
He asks the man "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"
Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out.........
"I'll be damned ----- My girlfriend's gone, too!!!!!"
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