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Old 07-13-2008, 07:29 PM   #856
Bigot Hitman
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Default Under my smile

The dark clouds of confusion are poised to rain
Which flows rivers of tears into deep seas of pain//
The sun shines for just a few hours a day
As my banks of hope are eroded by powerful waves-
-of reality, its the main cause of my misery
I don't have friends, but i can claim a few enemies//
They're all inside of me right behind my steering wheel
Taking my emotions for deadly rides whenever they feel//
Under my smile's a person who only comes out when
His positives manifest in the form of a friend//
Or at least a person he wishes would be, then as they leave
Lakes of positivity become puddles as hope recedes//
Then its time for depression to take back over
Now i'm in a desert searching for four leafed clovers//
Luck and God become my last lines of defense
From the pack rabid dogs about to jump the fence//
Somedays i don't run, somedays i won't fight
Because i've reflected on my past i can tell i'm not right//
The light of joy soon fades from sight
Then i grip a blade or knife just to take a life-
-that i can't stand, as an arm from god picks me up
From the depths of definite hell, then i wonder what?//
Am i meant to be alone because i can't breathe here
My hole's too deep to look around and see clear//
I can extinguish this hell on earth's flames
But not without knowing any rules to the game//
I'm so lost, i'm not even walk'in anymore
Because i can't tell if i'm moving to peace or war//
__________________
The dealer of hope is selling me lies
Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61
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Old 07-16-2008, 02:13 AM   #857
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Default As the darkness darkens...

After years of absence, i get visits every other day
From rare tears i'd never thought would wet my face//
I'm not struggling anymore, i've just thrown the towel in
My blood's soaked the ring, plus all of my power's spent//
Failure is tower'in over my lifeless carcass
I feel there's not enough energy left to light this darkness//
The survival instinct is becoming overruled
Most of my will's gone, so i'm just trying not to move//
Because if i lose any more ground, i'm off the cliff's edge
As i think about my past deeply i see i wasn't mislead//
My head was going to abandon everyone i left stranded
Regardless of circumstances, now i'm the only one stand'in//
In a one man audience watching a depression play-
-a major part in how i act, feel, and what i say//
I've now learned i can't pass this test without some help
I got to cheat thru medication cuz there's nothing else-
-that i can feel i have the potential to do
I've gone years without what's probably essential to you//
A clear head, steady mood, and hope that i might change
I'm trying to find support for my legs as my life hangs//
The noose makes it hard to remember any joy daily
I say goodbye in advance incase a doctor can't save me//
__________________
The dealer of hope is selling me lies
Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61
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Old 07-16-2008, 11:09 PM   #858
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Default On my own, Helpless

Death crowds my thoughts as i perform my last words
My pain's sound is unlike any you hear or have heard//
Everything hurts so, the only things i can cherish still
Are my last people of hope yet to drop from my ferris wheel//
They don't know how much i value their presence
And might never know until i wane my last crescent//
Its killing me to rise, but i'll die if i stay down
When i strive, i sustain relapses every day now//
My childhood is like a vast river with no bridge
I can't get over it, but where i stand i won't live//
There's happiness on the other bank i belong in
But depression's hand cuffed me so i don't swim//
I'm seeing keys and i don't know how to pick'em up
My fear's that they'll break if they're messed with enough//
All i do now is turn to god and i cry
Grasping pain and false hope-
-from the hands of lies as i analyze-
-Am i lost in ropes of failure,
Struggle'in hard to be free and am i tied?//
Its like i have no head to think, no feet to walk
No arms to reach and no speech to talk....I'm helpless//
__________________
The dealer of hope is selling me lies
Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61
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Old 07-17-2008, 01:36 AM   #859
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damn u writing some deep inter-personal shit man
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Old 07-17-2008, 09:20 AM   #860
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SHEEPISH LORD OF CHAOS View Post
damn u writing some deep inter-personal shit man
I've written over 30 verses since the beginning of June all about my depression and what causes it. They type of depression it is, is chronic which lasts for atleast two years says the doctor, with the symptoms no going away for more than two months, so i'll be writing this type of stuff for a while with ease.
__________________
The dealer of hope is selling me lies
Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61
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Old 07-20-2008, 01:23 AM   #861
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Default

fuck, i can't take this
__________________
The dealer of hope is selling me lies
Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61

Last edited by Bigot Hitman; 07-20-2008 at 01:28 AM.
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Old 07-20-2008, 01:24 AM   #862
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Default Lost for too long, now forever

I guess eighteen is a little too late to start
To decline my irrelevant role, but i hate this part-
-of my play, there's one actor and no audience
In the spot light, you'd think my pain would be so obvious//
My hope is scarce, cuz when i sail where i'm goin
Winds of confusion turn my ship off course and keep blow'in//
THe pattern i'm running should be easy like a streak route
But i'm struggle'in to get off the line as sweat leaks out//
ITs hard to love myself, dealing with people i'm retarded
My cars the only one on the lot that hasn't been started//
When i swim up, i sink lower, so fuck it, i'll just drown
This life is lost now cuz happiness can't be found//
I miss my happy side man i swear i loved that guy
If i can't get'em back then send my soul to the skies//
I won't live not being able to reach that high again
Depression won't let me find which closet he's hide'in in//
Now the tears are here to pay me another visit
What is it that my headlights are revealing in the distance?
Another speed bump, or maybe a sharp cliff's edge
A broken windshield aftermath, wet and dripping red//
Hope'in no one saves me and i know i sound crazy
But blame it on god, i guess this is how he's made me//
__________________
The dealer of hope is selling me lies
Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61
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Old 07-22-2008, 11:22 AM   #863
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Default Another recommitment, another try

ITs like my legs are broken so i'm laying cold still-
-to avoid pain,
But on the highway of life i'll be road kill//
That means struggling hurts and if i don't Solomon's dead
Darkness carried me away,
Now i'll find some light to follow instead//
The man in my mirror was all i knew for so long
Until my first friends revealed that my eyes were so wrong//
I experienced the true me for about a couple of weeks
Funny and unique,
For the average wader i was too deep//
Feeling real happiness for the first time in years
Nothing could make me mad or cross any lines of fear//
My eyes were opened and then came a dark reality
3 years of isolation created a deamon that battles me-
-now my true self can't even come out of my house
Depression brings in all kinds of pains, kicking joy out/
There are a few people that sprung the happy side out of me
But now they can't fully suppress this depressed personality//
I guess its about time for another recommitment
One more conscious effort before medication ends it//
Lets see if i can fly against the wind again
Maybe ill get pulled from my hole by the arms of the friends-
-i have yet to make, but failure is something i can't take
So i'll get ready for some more tears and long heart ache//
__________________
The dealer of hope is selling me lies
Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61
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Old 07-23-2008, 01:30 PM   #864
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Default Searching 4 support

I told my mom about my suicidal thoughts, so she cried but-
-two days later i'm thirsty for comfort and her sympathy's dried up//
She said i'm depressed cuz i want to be, blame'in my music
If i tell her truth that i've never had friends she'd still refuse it//
Should i really let her know her child isn't right in the head
And how speed bumps on my road leave me wishing i was dead?//
I feel the only support i have is from people that barely know me
If u run a race in my shoes u better lace up for being lonely//
Because if you aren't ready to be numb, this pain's strong
You can't feel joy as this weights on your mind all day long//
And trying to struggle out can really make the noose tighter
It gets to the point where no light can turn your day brighter//
To be a 1 man army against depression is overwhelm'in
Its like your the only one playing without pads or a helmet//
You try to stay strong, but your being bruised and battered
It hurts deeply to keep climbing so you refuse the ladder//
Then you begin to sink into a dark hole with a floor-
-called "Rock bottom", if u reach it u won't wanna live anymore//
The roots of my misery run deep throughout my childhood
I wonder would i still be so sick now, if then i understood-
-the value of a friendship, and exactly how to retain it
This storm had been forming for years now it won't stop rain'in//
__________________
The dealer of hope is selling me lies
Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61
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Old 07-26-2008, 02:12 AM   #865
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Default As the pages turn

Now i've been checked but can't see another square to move to
What would you choose to do,
When your own air refuses you?//
I have to deny that what my eye's see is me
Depression hands out self hatred like "take it please, its free"//
Loss of compassion is one of the hardest bricks to build with
I see my mom weeping in pain but i still can't feel shit//
But at the same time i'm sensitive to rejection-
-from new people that have me doing constant self inspections//
The next obstacle is a california vacation
Before i loved isolation,
But now i can't figure seven days of separation-
-from my only anti-depressants, so i'm being chased
by the reality of leaving the only ones who put smiles on my face//
Now my whole family will witness my depressed state of mind
Only if i didn't get lost in my war,
and stabbed by the blade of time//
I wouldn't be bleeding so bad today, i wish i could pass away
Or go back into my childhood dreams in a flash to say-
-OK, speak these words, and do these things when
my mind was building walls between friends i could bring in//
So i wouldn't be in a lightless hole hoping for brighter days-
-with a soul thats been so hurt, it cowers in the sight of pain//
__________________
The dealer of hope is selling me lies
Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61

Last edited by Bigot Hitman; 07-26-2008 at 02:26 AM.
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Old 07-28-2008, 12:19 AM   #866
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Default My reality

Here's an example of lyricism for the beginners out there, or who ever makes my thread get like 20 views a post. This is from the heart though, 100%.

Daydreaming into my mirror, wondering what's next
I'm taking pain and giving my soul, but there isn't much left//
Its too many reality thieves stealing the hope from me
I hear'em in my head like "how rich with failure can one be?"//
Seventeen years of walking down all the wrong paths
Now i'm lost, dividing a deeply depressing aftermath//
My future isn't bright, so i dwell in my history's light
All day i'm steady trying to solve all these mysteries right//
I can't help to think my screws weren't meant to be tight
As my head falls apart and i aid my enemy's fight//
My hole is so deep, there's no reach'in high hopes
Someone's drowning off shore and none can see its my boat//
I'm the last pawn on the board with none to hate, none to love
On my own just all alone except a spirit from above//
All i have is size i don't need, family i don't want to be with
Plus talents i can't enjoy in a life i don't want to see live//
If i was aborted or even killed at a very young age
That would have actually spared alot of people some pain//
I'm so far from a goal that i'm not even on the field
There's no way i can be stable if i have to build with what i feel//
Which is pain, confusion, hopelessness, and self-hatred
Add some tears every other day and i'll even bet i won't make it//
__________________
The dealer of hope is selling me lies
Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61
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Old 07-28-2008, 03:20 AM   #867
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I wouldnt waste this shit on this website, its really well written
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Old 07-28-2008, 09:09 AM   #868
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Surreptitious View Post
I wouldnt waste this shit on this website, its really well written
yup i stopped looking for feedback over a year ago on this website, my facebook page gives more than this site lol
__________________
The dealer of hope is selling me lies
Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61
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Old 07-28-2008, 08:32 PM   #869
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Fuck the feedback sun, you shinin too bright to miss.
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weep for lost babylon,
the bleeding god, the forgotten sheep slaughtered in a forest of evil fog
bordered by a sea of faults,
fleeing mobs turn to see the holocaust and become kings and queens of salt
screaming shots, police and chalk,
wingless fallen demons walking among us as people...

-.5Kut
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Old 07-31-2008, 01:53 PM   #870
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Default Reaping what was sown

I feel i'm loosing a grip that was never there
Or that i lost a long time ago...
As into a "closed door" future i stare//
My mind will blow if i can't turn some knobs
At night time,
I breakdown from the fires and sob//
I was careless, until my mental health was robbed
Which made me seek safety in the faith of a god-
-I had ignored, now i can't do without that
feeling i get when i'm down...in time i'll bounce back//
To some its hope,
To me its the only reason i want to live
Which is why depression's tidal waves
create suicidal ways...//
This condition can convince me i'll always be alone
I'll always be a clone...enemy of positivity
I might have been ok if this never had gotten into me
Now i feel like the only apple rotten in the tree//
I took my ability to feel joy for granted
Its painful to do a thing i used to love,
Because now i can't stand it//
The fact i have no friends was a deep enough hole
But falling into depression has made it,
Hard to climb when,
I know somewhere in the ruff there's a diamond//
That hasn't shined in years,
Now its blurred by confusion and tears
Plus normal things, that for me are produce'in a fear-
-tag teaming with pain, and unconquerable strain
That pressures sharp objects to the skin on a vein//
I've never been scared i'd take my life until now
See you don't understand,
I'm more than just sad and real down//
No camera can capture what i see
No nerves can create the pain that i feel...
No legs can travel the path i've walked
While no doctor can help, the wounds in my head heal...//
__________________
The dealer of hope is selling me lies
Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61
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