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Old 09-22-2008, 11:04 PM   #901
Bigot Hitman
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChristO View Post
...and so is the depression, deep...but trues, that is what we're to build in...
Yeah, i got diagnosed with Major depression in june, it started in may, and i recently got diagnosed with Social anxiety disorder, which is what caused every problem i have today pretty much cuz i've had it since alittle kid.

I'm growing up so fast right now, over the past 4 months i've done alot more than build.
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The dealer of hope is selling me lies
Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61
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Old 09-22-2008, 11:05 PM   #902
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Default Hope starved

I won't stand to fight
This every single day
I am giving in..to my shade

Sleep on ice caked rocks
Smile with bloody teeth
The sinking ship is floating out of reach

This is much too strong
The double edge splits my head
Life is much too wrong, as is death

I'll never reach the sky
My feet can't seem to touch the ground
Dying in disguise of painless sound

I never should have been
The walking curse was born
to spend its time in eyes of its storms

Now I can't feel the point
in living as forbidden weeds
Every dirty glove grasps at me

And who would want this mind
Who could bare to try to change
The truth bound tight in concrete chains

Comfort me with trash
Drown me in your foulest stream
Let the blue moons pass, still here i'll be

For me, i never asked
Now why would I ever want
Pictures without backs and without fronts

I've lost all touch of me
Hopes not to be seen
My world druels in hunger, as i bleed
__________________
The dealer of hope is selling me lies
Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61
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Old 09-25-2008, 04:33 PM   #903
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Default Blood stain

Next steps become waking motivated
to climb mental walls that
Are made of fears forcing feet to fall back
In my mind, i speak with alll that
self defeats like
Evolvling hairless in the coldest lands an'
Still far from careless with the rarest hand in
my game where, jokers are kings
and Aces and two's have a one fall in between
That can't find a slot in a full deck
I'm that one,
Who sits in sunken ships as the sunsets
I'm loosing air, trying to escape through darkness
frantically looking for ways out, as
waves of doubt rock the boat an'
I sink lower feeling as though i'm float'in
A unnatural high of dying, fly'in out of my mind
out of my focus as pain approaches
Close'in the lense on my hopes which
Represent my last defense
Against a life of lifelessness in righteousness
__________________
The dealer of hope is selling me lies
Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61
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Old 09-27-2008, 01:31 AM   #904
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Default Breaking A shell

Razor sharp thoughts that go against
eighteen year old grain,
Dance on the stage of my brain
Causing barely visible pains
Allday everyday, it seems
Nothing can get between
My, soul and the ground to lift it
Hours become days, seconds become minutes
Dawns become dusks as God becomes trust
in the last thread in a rope to break
its the last light in a hopless fate
A reason to hold on aproaches fake, status
Looking into a mirror of
Deep sadness with a face of focused hate
How can the real me rise
When the disorders in my mind collide
To form a flipping double edge
that rests its weight upon my head
There's no easy way out of a maze with no walls
Just empty space and, flashes of amazement
From depths of problems in my history
Measured through old memories
Ressurected by daily expieriences
Inducing fatalities of positive feelings
That create fences with,
Tops so far up they're out of sight
They're out of mind, like a cloudy future
I endlessly climb, sensing the urgency of
running out of time...
__________________
The dealer of hope is selling me lies
Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61
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Old 09-28-2008, 02:51 PM   #905
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Default Free Shadows

Tied to train tracks, knowing that there's
No trains expected
I can't stop the fears as common feelings get ressurected
I'm not collected, like a deck of cards
Spread throughout two states
With blended boarders so crossing isn't hard
They are Anxiety and depression killing in unity
Forming a off balance three man community
Two are best friends, the other's mood
Flocks south fast
Trying to outlast lonely darkness the clouds cast
Struggling to find himself in a land of shedded skins
And skeletons from nobodys that died tryin to fit in
Nothing was ever just right,
Like a pack of racoons without the cover of dark nights
Something essential restricting potential
All past comforts of acceptance proved detrimental
Blues bled through pencils and pens is
the only way to see a path traveled clear
or to be traveled,
Now feeling delayed impacts of each gavel
from each descision I chose with blurred vision
Months of prision inside of me
Shackled by personality and lack of variety
In a conform together society
Held in check by a yawn revealing lion teeth
And to show your own is to be alone in a crowd
Of outcasts who will not throw in the towel

Free shadows unconnected to the actor's bow
__________________
The dealer of hope is selling me lies
Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61
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Old 09-29-2008, 07:50 PM   #906
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Default Destryoing & building

Critically restless but physically fatigued
Mentally confused and sick
I can barely stand as i refuse to sit
and watch my conditions totally control
the water flow to the roots of my soul
Warm futures, i pursue in the cold
As i leave my dead youth in the snow
But sometimes one must relive his past
Because often it fostered
The current bent out of shape posture
that makes ice sweat and water boil
Leaves fall from above and rest upon dry soil
Turning the lively lifeless gradually
This will outcast a rose as a weed
Showing no biased,
Even if that fold has a seed
As i scroll past a pleed, I pled in old memories
In nights when deep pains rolled into me
became unwrapped, setting off delayed traps
Manufactured by actions i cannot take back
They say don't say that
I say, "i don't say, what you say don't say"
"But i say what i feel"
Because i'm incarcerated in shackles of steel
Which are things that still haven't been solved
as they've evolved into life long deals
And freedom deals long life...
But until then, the green remains the only wrong light
__________________
The dealer of hope is selling me lies
Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61
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Old 10-05-2008, 09:32 AM   #907
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Default Landscape escape

Old dried river beds, hollowed out trunks
stretched leathery skin laces stained bones
Skies go unseen, just blackness in different tones
Holes with measurable depths of no means
Forgotten colors of blues and greens
Fires run free fueled by the evidence of death
Which are ready to spread stronger, with a wrong step
All in a ongoing sequence, long kept secret
By a face in distress, words can't express the pain
As he searches ashes for hope, he collects in shame
Denial, a tactic used to protect the brain
Just gave time for the archer to perfect his aim
And now the clout is unwrapped, exposed to shots
That go as punishment to who that gave what he got
The strikes didn't leave him bloody, but internal scars
That burn non stop as every day they're recharged
At the sights of what's wanted, whats needed
To make the ill-defeated captive, feel completed
As his, will fades away and the flowers grow old
TIme becomes a constant pressure, the hours don't fold
He looses feelings quickly, from a power so cold
It freezes tropics swiftly, with a strength to mislead
the bold to points where their lives become dispensable
ENding it all, in a last fall, becomes so sensible
Love starved from lack of contact to feed off
The stranded beings were found and lost by these thoughts
Much more sicker than a wheeze with a weak cough
Decapitating breezes left the tops of the trees caught
In a self-defeating cycle, disconnecting mind from soul
Flying in never evers, and cant's, trying to find a though
__________________
The dealer of hope is selling me lies
Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61
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Old 10-06-2008, 05:24 PM   #908
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Default Who am I?

So its built a bridge
Between two lands i cannot roam
And its patched a fence
That keeps me from me
Reflections can't show who i am
I've been kept from me by sicknesses
I've been kept from me by nature
Loneliness lead me lost
Being found by people, kept me lost
Now I need that train
Tie me to those tracks tight
I won't attempt escape
I'll be bound by skewed vision
Fish don't swim in loose dirt
Worms don't dig in deep water
Counting wooden rings won't tell
It won't tell how long i've grown ill
Now I play with my mistakes as
I cry with my mistakes
I tie knots with what unties
I grow fodder with what i've burned
I melt glaciers with what freezes
In hellos I wave good bye
But to who I am one day i'll say
Hello....with no goodbye
__________________
The dealer of hope is selling me lies
Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61
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Old 10-12-2008, 11:58 AM   #909
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Default Elsewhere

From bone to skin I'm frozen
The heart is shattered broken
Beyond a lively motion
I'm not here

Hung in jungle vines
Aware of what's behind
It sends chills up the spine
I'm not here

Prisoner of a demon
Stealing all your reasons
To stay another season
I'm not here

Half-dead, i'm lost and lonely
Wondering where could home be?
Who'd care enough to hold me
I'm not here

Why waste the time to find me
You'd search death and blindly
And with the perfect timing
I'm not here

The evils reign supreme now
The ruthless don't seem wild
As a 1 man double team I'll...
not be here
__________________
The dealer of hope is selling me lies
Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61
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Old 10-13-2008, 10:34 PM   #910
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Default Medication

All this posed freedom, proves containment
If my fate's young death, i don't want to change it
No water's clear enough to show what's sunk
No canyon's wide enough to ground my jump

The spiked walking cane
A white pill
The straw that broke the back
Seroquel
The new, oldest snow
A white pill
The last stand and attacks
Seroquel

Leave all your joy outside the city's walls
And suffer the side effects, of its cause
The surface of your floors press across your ceilings
A cost of this armor is the loss of feelings....

The closed blinding blind
A white pill
The dams that shackled rivers
Seroquel
The empty wall-less maze
A white pill
Your ever cracking pillar
Seroquel

I don't want to sleep, just to awake lifeless
The calm before the last storm is a understated crisis
Nothing can stop me from bashing suicide's bell
Except beliefs in god, and the threat of hell

I need all my tears
As i need all the smiles
I want myself in my shoes
When I walk another mile

Give me back my pains
Take this away!
Give me back the rains
Take this away!
__________________
The dealer of hope is selling me lies
Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61

Last edited by Bigot Hitman; 10-16-2008 at 11:28 PM.
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Old 10-15-2008, 11:57 AM   #911
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Default

Good stuff as always bigot Hitman long time no hear from hope all is well peace.
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Twelve tribes layin at the head of corners in hoods
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Old 10-16-2008, 11:27 PM   #912
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Default

Nothings good over here, but how u holdin up? IT seems every month i get hit with a brick, all of a sudden i'm Bipolar, From A-typical depression to Major depression, to finally Bipolar depression. THe diagnosis explains alot, but fuck, i'm struggling to finds reason to live now.
__________________
The dealer of hope is selling me lies
Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61
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Old 10-23-2008, 04:37 PM   #913
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Default Here to leave

The snow isn't cold
The water's too dry
Lies never told
Keep truth alive

Caves are too bright
Puddles are too deep
I'm waiting for light
To put me asleep

My soul's far from free
My head's far from sane
Reflections of me
Are erupted from shame

The bottom's too high
The ceilings too low
Tear you from me
To help me explode

The dealer of hope is selling me lies
Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed

Pointless blade, worthless
Born to embrace doomsday

Taken away from the blind
One less star in the sky
__________________
The dealer of hope is selling me lies
Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61
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Old 10-25-2008, 01:01 PM   #914
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Default The only way out

If i died right now, the sun would still rise
A easy breathless death, a blessing in disguise

Hope has walked away, sparking trails of flames

In which I will not stray, to follow
In which I cannot stay, to follow

I won't survive the lonely days
_______

These friends can't always be, my reasons to breathe
In everlasting pain, but I need them to leave

So I can fade away, and die in depths of shame

In which I will not lie, to escape
In which I cannot try, to escape

Who wouldn't embrace my demise?
__________________
The dealer of hope is selling me lies
Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61
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Old 10-28-2008, 09:34 PM   #915
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Default Nails in the coffin

There's something assuring my suicide
And I'm coming to accept it
Sometimes I wish the dad i never knew
Would have went in protected

I am one of god's lab rats
I know he's watching to see if I make it
I'd have a better chance If I were old,
sick, and weak, crippled on a slave ship

There's no such thing, as along run
I remember a time when I thought I knew
Who I was when I was young
When I was young, I thought I knew the sizes of shoes

As i fall, this time don't catch me
I'm hungry for the end of it all
And deaths call, is sounding like a blessing
To the new born who could never crawl

How long do i have to die before i'm just dead?
How long do i have to live before i'm alive?
Worlds full of wonders, aren't always wonderful
This one's stolen my reasons to survive
__________________
The dealer of hope is selling me lies
Reasons to live are reasons to die, in disguise
This life was never mine, the rivers never ran
Cross your arms, its too late for helping hands
Spit your pity elsewhere, there's no sympathy needed
For one who's never alive, for one who's never completed (Bigot Hitman)
http://www.wutang-corp.com/forum/sho...=25482&page=61

Last edited by Bigot Hitman; 10-28-2008 at 09:39 PM.
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