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Old 01-13-2007, 07:09 PM   #1
MenaceSkilledWitWiz
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Default Menace Flow

(lemme get some feedback/suggestions/comments)

my rhymes circle my mind, creating shield
i observe thru smelted sand, survey the field
witness the opposite of yield, i strike viscous
my fists is heavy and soft, products of fitness
disdain i frame mentally with the occipital flash
blinding, just as you blink, ya dome crash
bone crack like the drug, as if penetrated by a slug
the shit hit the wall, you hit the floor
i give it you raw like minus protection
plus the product is like insemination
ya situation is sticky, iffy, i give it to you swiftly
this nigga in front of you is multiple beings
with equal visionary damage, its hidden like UFO seeings
my magic fingers even type genius flow in seconds
the words speak to mental solely, crows it beckons
black clouds inundate the sky in minutes, Bizzy in the center
i zap you with my finger minus the friction, i wield the golden scepter
natural disasters quake to my beat in unison
i drop knowledge from space like comets smash perception
where's the atom splitting explosions? my attack is muted
halted like a stop light cuz it couldn't be computed
i make a breakthrough inevitably bring music to the people
they scavenge up evidence, try to prove my shit is evil
my attack continues like game over in video games
meditation increasing chi infinitely like reproduction of virus
you fail to pilfer my wiz, you fake ass pirates
the scar got you branded with a black "M" in the middle of ya dome
it means Menace, nigga, visible veins indicate you ain't alone
my influence augment your physical, you're my newest rebel
under my thumb soldier, still below my level like a pebble
i bequeath a solid sword, many men, one common accord
my brother, we abide by one word
revolution, ruthless fuckin with the heart of the populace
we're outnumbered, with the sign of the one Menace fist
intrigue, we complete our mission with fission
concealed sniper slay the leader, i take on the role of top position
new czar, bright as a star with spatial reign like galaxies
then Bizzy concede, temporary power, just to prove the possibilities
is infinite like air molecules, i'm above the ozone in spirits
i scream a tirade down to y'all ears so everyone can hear it
verbal worship, it's like a subliminal slap to the face
disrespected, like my tag graffitied on ya walls purposely to deface
to disgrace it, i hope ya head is boiling like eggs in water
i salt ya eyes and proceed to physique slaughter
poetically, visually, mentally, i'm immaculate like proactive skin
i unconciously damage a whole era like the original sin
i mix in a lil intellect with creativity to make my alter ego
resulting in a nigga named Bizzy aka Menace, the original confused negro
with twisted motives, secret motives, ill like gas chambers
traces of compassion like gas chambers plus hidden dangers
aint really hidden just below the surface, like atlantis
i cut short all air supplies leavin' niggas endangered species like praying mantis
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Old 01-14-2007, 01:01 AM   #2
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If you added all the stuff u rappin, wit some schemes, and shorter lines, u'd be dope. nice verse though 7.5/10
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Old 01-14-2007, 01:19 AM   #3
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thaat was maaaaaad sick bruh i like the word selection gives it a scentific GZA feel cool calm type rhyming....

this line was one of my favorites.

"i mix in a lil intellect with creativity to make my alter ego
resulting in a nigga named Bizzy aka Menace, the original confused negro"
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Old 01-14-2007, 12:55 PM   #4
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thanks for the criticism & the compliments.
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Old 01-14-2007, 02:50 PM   #5
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dope verse i just couldn't find a distince flow
8/10
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Old 01-14-2007, 08:35 PM   #6
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thanks but yea i guess i dont have any distance on that flow.
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Old 01-15-2007, 10:51 PM   #7
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...im really just giving props to anyone who read more than the first for lines of this piece... good work... scrap that... no flow, no point, not to be rude man, but there wasnt one quotable, and anyone who knows me knows you gotta have one quotable line... but man keep writing, write something thats not

i am the birth of the emcee with lucifers tounge
watching from the woods as a UFO from jupiter comes

...its just blah... you got a decent vocab just move beyond wasting your time...
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Old 01-16-2007, 09:44 AM   #8
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Pretty decent 7/10.
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Old 01-18-2007, 02:48 PM   #9
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thanks for ya opinion brotha. i got mixed reviews so i don't know what to go by. i just wanna get a general review of my "talent" & "style". good lookin out though.
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