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Old 07-24-2005, 10:03 AM   #1
Killer Falcon
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Default Figment in a Broken Dreamscape

a song i've written for my EP, tell me what you think


as soul and spirit bind existence
moon winds... i bloomed from out the chrysalis
i glide the grimey winds of life
polluted by past rulers wicked sins and lies
abandon future, ship of life is sinking
lept off the edge, vortex of false decisions
a silent wraith... i navigate the wavelab
slide across time until my spirit lands on safe land
enclosed emotions... locked in carapace
explode from pressure of angered tarantulas
lost dreams... that never manifested
but nevertheless, my plan is still directed
morph dimensions of my exoskeleton
stretch wings, then shapeshift into a pelican
fellow spirits soar across the earth
i take shelter, in physical form, a person

chorus:
a lost soul wanders days lone
future spaceghosts... searching faith and hope
my spirit dressed in plain clothes
i'm a normal person... so where the fuck are all the rainbows

sink to nightmare crimson oceans
inner mental misled, percieve a mix of omens
feathered apparitions of death in graveyards
dark angel ravens... portraits of my insane guards
sharp beaks... storm the sanities physique
single defense... hope was shattered underneath
raging thunderbees, swarm before my mental
sting my thoughts... and make them leave the temple
my last resort i flee toward the mountains
lost in the forest, wild ambitions surrounding
as lions, tigers, wild cats in the thousands
i never catch them... too fast athletic pounces
leave the forest, retreat atop the peak
then tried to see where fortune falls as leafs
i'll dig inside my deepest nerves
to find out what the highest lord above observes

chorus:
a lost soul wanders days lone
future spaceghosts... searching faith and hope
my spirit dressed in plain clothes
i'm a normal person... so where the fuck are all the rainbows


peace
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Old 07-24-2005, 10:09 AM   #2
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Default Re: Figment in a Broken Dreamscape

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Old 07-24-2005, 10:18 AM   #3
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Default Re: Figment in a Broken Dreamscape

Quote:
Originally Posted by winte
a song i've written for my EP, tell me what you think


as soul and spirit bind existence
moon winds... i bloomed from out the chrysalis
I like the way you started
i glide the grimey winds of life
polluted by past rulers wicked sins and lies
abandon future, ship of life is sinking
lept off the edge, vortex of false decisions
a silent wraith... i navigate the wavelab
slide across time until my spirit lands on safe land
enclosed emotions... locked in carapace
explode from pressure of angered tarantulas
lost dreams... that never manifested
but nevertheless, my plan is still directed
morph dimensions of my exoskeleton
stretch wings, then shapeshift into a pelican
fellow spirits soar across the earth
i take shelter, in physical form, a person

chorus:
a lost soul wanders days lone
future spaceghosts... searching faith and hope
my spirit dressed in plain clothes
i'm a normal person... so where the fuck are all the rainbows

sink to nightmare crimson oceans
inner mental misled, percieve a mix of omens
feathered apparitions of death in graveyards
dark angel ravens... portraits of my insane guards
sharp beaks... storm the sanities physique
single defense... hope was shattered underneath
raging thunderbees, swarm before my mental
sting my thoughts... and make them leave the temple
my last resort i flee toward the mountains
lost in the forest, wild ambitions surrounding
as lions, tigers, wild cats in the thousands
i never catch them... too fast athletic pounces
leave the forest, retreat atop the peak
then tried to see where fortune falls as leafs
i'll dig inside my deepest nerves
to find out what the highest lord above observes


chorus:
a lost soul wanders days lone
future spaceghosts... searching faith and hope
my spirit dressed in plain clothes
i'm a normal person... so where the fuck are all the rainbows
Nice hook


peace
Overall I liked the last verse the flow was on point... throwing despair with imagery and lexicon might
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Old 07-24-2005, 10:43 AM   #4
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Default Re: Figment in a Broken Dreamscape

liked the whole thing
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Old 07-24-2005, 01:31 PM   #5
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Default Re: Figment in a Broken Dreamscape

Fucking dope Winte. Very very nice. I love your style.
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Old 07-24-2005, 01:56 PM   #6
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Default Re: Figment in a Broken Dreamscape

make me write suin like i arch between tha existance on nonexitance coexisiting in an instance with scholastic spastics who monitored tha globe from a wheel chair seeping fru tha matrix like unregistered agents on ungodly missions seeking truth speak in tongues i leave heathens strung and weaken lungs decietful cunts who cower benith tha bible i spit tha recital of a suicidle mind full idol
decepticon get steped upon.....

nice work winte.....i only read tha first few lines.....and this is whut it i felt
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Old 07-24-2005, 04:05 PM   #7
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Default Re: Figment in a Broken Dreamscape

The first verse kills it - poetic plus fluent flow
decent hook
nice second verse but I think the first one is more precise

overall: certainly one of the best texts I've ever read in here, no doubt

can I listen to some of your songs in the net? if yes, just post the link
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Old 07-24-2005, 11:07 PM   #8
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Default Re: Figment in a Broken Dreamscape

you've got potential... i really like the first verse, though i thought it was rough around the edges, but more practice will smoothen it out... i'm not a big fan of text hooks, 'cause they're incredibly difficult to write impressively, but yours was decent... the second verse disappointed me after readin' the first... it just didn't speak the same volume... but i did like the piece as a whole...


PEACE

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Old 07-24-2005, 11:10 PM   #9
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Default Re: Figment in a Broken Dreamscape

PS. great title, but Figment OF a broken dreamscape is the better way to display it... figment in somethin' doesn't make sense, a figment of somethin' is the correct way to word it... if it wasn't for your creative title, i would've overlooked it...

PEACE

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Old 07-25-2005, 03:06 AM   #10
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Default Re: Figment in a Broken Dreamscape

It had its poetic presence, the first and second verse. the second drifted from how the first started. It seemed to progress not in content but in discribed explanations. And the verse has its own standard-searching kind of. Nice verse/s

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Old 07-25-2005, 03:51 PM   #11
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Default Re: Figment in a Broken Dreamscape

Quote:
Originally Posted by Racailla
The first verse kills it - poetic plus fluent flow
decent hook
nice second verse but I think the first one is more precise

overall: certainly one of the best texts I've ever read in here, no doubt

can I listen to some of your songs in the net? if yes, just post the link
thanks. there is a link in my sig for some of my audio, although the best are on the EP which i'll put up when it's finished

thanks psykosus, i see what you mean about the title. figment of a broken dreamscape actually does sound a bit better

peace
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Old 07-25-2005, 03:57 PM   #12
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Default Re: Figment in a Broken Dreamscape

nice shit, would sound ok on audio...sometimes recording verses dont come across as explosive as a written without purpose that flows impossibly

good emotion and imagery dude

stay up
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Old 07-25-2005, 05:59 PM   #13
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Default Re: Figment in a Broken Dreamscape

...i liked this piece a whole lot after reading the first verse and the chorus... the second verse, i felt was pretty much majorly sub par to the first... i really like the first six lines of the second verse but after that it fell off... i say rewrite that last part and it will be much better... shit if you do that, touch up the whole thing it will only make the piece deeper and better... i like that hook though... when i get some speakers on the folks cpu i'll peep your audio and thi sbetter be on there... keep writing my man... peace...
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Old 07-26-2005, 06:59 AM   #14
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Default Re: Figment in a Broken Dreamscape

the track is up on my soundclick. check the link in my sig

peace
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Old 07-26-2005, 09:28 AM   #15
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Default Re: Figment in a Broken Dreamscape

The track begins with an Aragon (a french writer) quote:

"Il fait beau mon amour; dans les rêves, les mots,et la mort. Il fait beau mon amour. Il fait beau, dans la vie."

And the last words of this track are Rimbaud (french poet of the XIX) words:

"Elle est retrouvée. Quoi? L'eternité. C'est la mer allée avec le soleil"

translation>>>> "It's found again. What? Eternity. It's the sea gone off with the sun".


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