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Old 10-20-2009, 12:47 PM   #511
J.T.S.
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Thanks for the love guys!!
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Old 10-20-2009, 05:25 PM   #512
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Yo, I dont know if this is the right thread, but ive been writing for a few months, im trying to get some criticism or feedback on how I can improve, heres a few of my verses.

my raps can split an atom, i spit science of rockets
burn corneas i scorch eyeballs out of the sockets
dont knock it, i can magnetize money out your pockets\
inspiration, hit a wall jumpover dont writers block it
dont question my methods, i spit lessons
have you chopped like some meat in a delicatessen
felon obesseive, what comes out my mouth is agressive
vocal vibrations creating conjugating a hidden message
see the truth for what it is illuminati
pump shotty for interlopers who tryn to stop me



apply the skin to the skeleton the scipture to the scroll
paint a picture with the melon and, the knowledge yo behold
into the mold i pour the liquid wax for the creation
causein fresh impressions, and unfamilar sensations
mutation of the natural toungue has been enhanced
but acknowleging the culture like natives fire and dance
transplant wisdom of the old into the youth of today
a formula for innovation, dettering dismay
whatever articulated rises up and implodes
sending shrapnel every which way wisdom bestowed
i hold the key that opens the vault of creativity
music drops it unlocks spillin words hit the beat
way of attacking emcees is similar to military
divide and conquer but its stealthy to the contrary
from here he ties the loose ends and adds finishing touches
x marks the spot so now i got em in my clutches


do rappers a favour my flavour is immpecable
im intellectual when you spit its inacceptable
my tech is full of full metal jackets im packin ratchets
infact im john mackinroe hit you with a tennis racket
my team aline in formation speak divin information
line for line its amazin combine divine innovation
writin rhymes in the basement strategic placement
your facing embrace the content i live with no laments
ima marksmen my bars are like 50 cal razors
with a red dot lazer attached able to hit from far back
ive attacked wack fools on the tarmac in preschool
so listen up because im here to teach rules
one, dont mess with the 7 letter smooth
ill remove your head from your shoulders if i disaprove
two, dont speak to me once ive begun
i spit words sicker then h 1 n 1
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Old 10-22-2009, 12:49 PM   #513
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my raps can split an atom, i spit science of rockets
burn corneas i scorch eyeballs out of the sockets
dont knock it, i can magnetize money out your pockets
Dope



apply the skin to the skeleton the scipture to the scroll
paint a picture with the melon and, the knowledge yo behold
into the mold i pour the liquid wax for the creation
causein fresh impressions, and unfamilar sensations
nice wordplay
way of attacking emcees is similar to military
divide and conquer but its stealthy to the contrary
from here he ties the loose ends and adds finishing touches
x marks the spot so now i got em in my clutches
also nice
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Old 10-22-2009, 02:35 PM   #514
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thanks for the feedback

exploitation of mistakes we got choices
my sentiment inaudable i write to voice it
mind over matter, words can shatter a persuasion
will power decisions is the correct equasion
you could become a private stand and suffer inline
take orders from everybody not utilisin your mind
approach the situation when you in position of demand
choake the weakness that inhabits you and start makin commands
when the hands of all humans crush the shallow
i will emerge from the sand with deathly hallows
shoot burning arrows at all of the opposition
your eyes is mad narrow so open your mental vision
accept my manner, every man for himself
you slept, i aint changed, its the cards i was dealt
each and every person has weakness and strengths
so embrace the good and tolerate to a length


thoughts on bicycles while im rollin down streets
my brain spins like the chain interlocking the teeth
mocking this beat, zoom into it like binicoluars see
unpopular he let his mind drift, the lockers empty
the concrete seen many things, people rise and fall
a good kid growing up comprimising it all
falling off, teachers askin where he been cant recall
now hes rollin in stalls scralliin words on the wall
the sky darkens, birds will vanish and hide, they can sense it
the atmosphere is getting darker and cold, growing tension
dissension sun and cloud fighting for attention
bad surroundings can inffluence bad result suspension
precipitation foggin windows is holdin him back
gotta get out, lockeddown,hes shackled and trapped
when the sky clears he disappears, persevere,
shed a tear move on, the concsience is clear


^dont have much experience writing with that style, what yall think
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Old 11-02-2009, 12:30 PM   #515
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Never tolerated the overrated this spots mine dictated
Many fables faded due to what he created the date stated
On the finished production the beats seduction to the eardrum
Pressed, and packaged to arrive on shelves by tomorrow at one
will it sell or flop? Will it collect dust, or will he have to restock?
Only time will tell the release date as avid fans flock
To purchase the LP we saw lines for blocks
Boosters, mad cops even copped it the day it dropped
people are pleased singing the hooks, and lyrics driving high speed
verses memorized by seeds who just learned how to speak
The songs even made enemies congregate in harmony
Congratulations on the plaque some proceeds i gave back
Signed hundreds of copies of the LP, papers, backs, and hats
Touring reassuring the critics he gives energy the game lacks
From N.Y. to L.A.X. he commands stages with tremendous effects
The workload seems heavy but he feels too blessed to rest
Assured respect to his devotion instead of coastal boasting
he continues grinding and half the worlds vibing
See's the opportunity as a pool then dives in
unaware of a situation he exits the palladium silent
Then out of nowhere things get violent
Gunshots people drop and some emcee's are still rhyming
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Old 11-03-2009, 07:19 AM   #516
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throw your axes i rack your facts get cha heads severed like live server, when i am surfing the web you best cut cha connection so you'll be deemed detected/
injected a weapon infection are you comprehending what i am saying....?
get cha team, they're all snakes bretryal waits in bushes and leave while u lay/
get cha grave symbolistically i kill rappers in a cataclysim wisdom derby
verbally worried you'll get deaded by my thought process speeds at overclocked reads/
obvious opposite drop in sets wave your flags get cha dragged to hell
excel dwellin the maze sell your soul so your a caft that just grazes/
it's the chaotic sheep sleep on me i geez your leads get cha wires crossed
electrfy the audience when i throwdown break you bulls back down to cows/
you can't prowl round my sound it's too murky like a rainy day with fog on the way
so if you wanna stay safe you best not come toward chaos
or odds being hell will you be breathing/
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Old 11-06-2009, 10:14 AM   #517
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SHEEPISH LORD OF CHAOS View Post
throw your axes i rack your facts get cha heads severed like live server, when i am surfing the web you best cut cha connection so you'll be deemed detected/
injected a weapon infection are you comprehending what i am saying....?
get cha team, they're all snakes bretryal waits in bushes and leave while u lay/
get cha grave symbolistically i kill rappers in a cataclysim wisdom derby
verbally worried you'll get deaded by my thought process speeds at overclocked reads/
obvious opposite drop in sets wave your flags get cha dragged to hell
excel dwellin the maze sell your soul so your a caft that just grazes/
it's the chaotic sheep sleep on me i geez your leads get cha wires crossed
electrfy the audience when i throwdown break you bulls back down to cows/
you can't prowl round my sound it's too murky like a rainy day with fog on the way
so if you wanna stay safe you best not come toward chaos
or odds being hell will you be breathing/


the bastard of swords aligned with the lord
Attack like starving alligators my prey lay dead by the door
break all your locks hardheaded with a headache
score settled you meddle forced you to freebase
Speaker blaring heaven's sake i execute the featherweight
Guns, and duct tape for traitors and snakes
after my cakes that i baked at half past eight
new breeds just wait until your disco flow skates
Back in effect butcher chop sicko's that practice incest
Hands in chess boards to master the next war
Solo rocking polo draped in muslim garments
Custom searched and after they begged for a pardon
Jums gave me street stardom the jail gave me blues
The system is designed to stagnate your moves
C.o.'s suffocating fools in life there's two sides to choose
Bundling up for these winter wars shootouts in front of schools
Blood pools babies lay in them the mothers are broken women
after every ending is a beginning my hair thinning from sinning
nothing but crying from kids dying from slugs flying
For years held back tears for fears no softies here
More murders as more years pass devil whispered in my ear
Temptation was broke the make belive solutions a hoax
Instead of going to church brothers are going to toke
Once their high their ready to roll on the block and post
Killing over notes no jokes just running from gun smoke
Hearts broke as folk question their mentality
Feeling bitter about issues of reality
Talented is wasted young girls dressed half naked
Virgins get smashed relatives cherry breaking
Wino's shaking the last drink before he collapsed on the sink
Choked on his own vomit they found him due to the stink
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Twelve tribes layin at the head of corners in hoods
Hell razah
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Old 11-07-2009, 09:09 PM   #518
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Don't dare the tested, tried and proved, parented guidance suggested
didn't cha read the warning NOPE guess that's why you getting slaughtered/
with every verse I author
it's another lesson in verbal torture/
don't dare the best even weaponry be presented in the any version you just uploaded
get cha team deciphered and decoded when I am reloaded/
dead the stress, your just another flee I flicked off
you cannot bicker, battle against the sicker picker upper/
if you wanna get ripped to shreds like a paper towel
I suggest you take a bowl and get tossed in the toilet/
I AM RATED R, never thinking openly vicious spit acid at cha bitches
get cha shit switched swatched watch out my havoc be malicious/
speak twisted I get cha dart dipped in pools my blood be cold as ice
they're ain't no emotion there when you stare just see black holes in me/
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Old 11-09-2009, 10:10 AM   #519
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Drops burn like bleach to eyes my speeches rise
Me and hip-hop go together like
Italians and pizza pies
On beats I'm fly with my soul i socialize
Touch the sky as these scavengers die
Due to starvation
I stir up creations enemy of the masons
Degrees hotter than the basement
Every hit blood tasting
Your spots vacant
So spaced out i day dream of cosmos
Out of space conquest while eyes closed
I show them how to make mountains out of mo' hills like the volcanoes
Y'all exchange flows time to boss up
Got your jaw broken from the gossip
Drop this constipated hot shit
Spit in your hot grits grind your chick tonight
Back broke soon as she hit the lights
Heavy breathing blew out the candlelight's
Give them a lesson on how to handle dikes
While you were locked i gave her all the mail except your kites
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Twelve tribes layin at the head of corners in hoods
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Old 11-09-2009, 06:07 PM   #520
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rhyme like you got a hatchet to pick wit the Sheep didn't cha peep the sign on the entrance
“watch how you come at me” guess it's a hack-n-shaq job for me, hand me my machete/
i slit cha wrist like i'm leaving a death note in this bitch/
out cha in the cold froze flows time capsule rapture after math
draft you back in fire watch me destroy booths like Godzilla was here/
joke's on you thinking i'm the Penguin when your just frozen from the deadly combo I lay on ya head
give you more aches in pains check the way I amaze cha team by how much I fucked cha brain up/
duck from the low crush the dame you wit, crash through heads like a car HD didn't cha see me coming
I guess you'll have to die hard like John McClain/
check the game I blame the name know the chiefs I roll wit
we exiting any scene with hell from 9 different guillotines/
drop more terror than Napoleon and his regime
it's all a dream sequenced up to the drag toward hell your knee deep in/
this ain't Kansas, you better abandon ship quicker than a you dig in ya chicks clit
my flow is the flip of a light switch i'm burning down this bitch quick better say your goodbyes/
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Old 11-09-2009, 06:33 PM   #521
SHEEPISH LORD OF CHAOS
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SHEEPISH LORD OF CHAOS View Post
rhyme like you got a hatchet to pick wit the Sheep didn't cha peep the sign on the entrance
“watch how you come at me” guess it's a hack-n-shaq job for me, hand me my machete/
i slit cha wrist like i'm leaving a death note in this bitch/
out cha in the cold froze flows time capsule rapture after math
draft you back in fire watch me destroy booths like Godzilla was here/
joke's on you thinking i'm the Penguin when your just frozen from the deadly combo I lay on ya head
give you more aches in pains check the way I amaze cha team by how much I fucked cha brain up/
duck from the low crush the dame you wit, crash through heads like a car HD didn't cha see me coming
I guess you'll have to die hard like John McClain/
check the game I blame the name know the chiefs I roll wit
we exiting any scene with hell from 9 different guillotines/
drop more terror than Napoleon and his regime
it's all a dream sequenced up to the drag toward hell your knee deep in/
this ain't Kansas, you better abandon ship quicker than a you dig in ya chicks clit
my flow is the flip of a light switch i'm burning down this bitch quick better say your goodbyes/
how did the fuck you sleep
on the sheep my technique is sick
like obtuse triangle just call me oblique
the way I stretch it out like pussy that ain't been fucked yet
when you thought I just lost nope I got confidence
saying I got no swag is hate I just bagged and unleashed like a fireball
get cha jag back i'll blow it up after I wrap it up
wet cha like water call me condensation
increase flows watch me run a river through it
i'm colder than the arctic you just can't harbor it
i'm the van gogh wit the flow just painting shit without hearing a beat
I rape the track just as we meet I raid cha panties just call me Red n Mef Man
deadly def with jams in my head leaving victims stone cold when i'm colder than frozen food
hope you knew how sick I am when i'm sicker than any tequilla you sipping on
iller than verbals don't need cha audition
spit wisdom kill you crazy off the hinges, watch the way the doors swinging
verbally never just sick wit I through SARS at cha
watch cha body i'm the swine coming wit the flu included
didn't cha reuse them needles, i'm a diabetic eat cha up like a sugar rush
bust a more heat rocks when I dust you off like some old reeboks
you can't call it a street hop when your fleas getting stomped
don't roach up i'm potent as sprayed being sprayed out of a can of raid
check the karate i'm brazilian with my jujistu spliting you in TWO
by the FLOW that's FOUR rolled in sushi yo
don't get a clue, take a hint i'm a pinch of the sicker rippers mixed with the illest emcee
deadly invade cha inner space i'm martin short cut cha at the umbilical
splice you out cha childrens life didn't cha see click stop fast fowarding through it
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Old 11-10-2009, 09:36 AM   #522
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Split his noggin while he's jogging the bats robbing
sleep on this verse insert the burst throbbing
Opium for the numbness back slaps for the dumbness
Violators wanna spit ? Hang them by lips
spraying thick right hand too sore to grip
The Gatling state your name get your frame lit
Bus bombers full of informers slayed with llamas
Slap your favorite emcee the whole game against me
Your senses lost so you can't enforce he backed down gently
Wordplay worth a key so were in Miami with heat
Deep like cops in the street trees hidden while I'm ripping
Pedaling stress dealing with life symptoms
Topic switcher murder mystereries done like Jack the ripper
Murder written in Hebrew tablets translated to you
React rude and the ending is crude
Crucial to leave you loop holed after the feud
Exhibit D shared with a chosen few
we can relate but if you emulate your grafted by the gate
That's golden were rolling bones leaving spinsters with swollen domes
More hustling to put down mortgage for homes
Illegal life behind my past tense fix the game with my rap wrench
It's uncommon that these cats make sense sterile strength
Justice league event and I'm the enemy of the prince
For killing the king the death stroke cometh with one swing
These playground rappers aren't built to last in the ring
Chaos passed the machine were two deep backed by nine
Queens kissed our rings and the shines expanded their minds
From the hurt of being overworked hidden cultures rooted from dirt
It's earth pure at war another hollowed score
In the house boning haunted whores
Ninja without a mask that unleashed 10 percent of his wrath
Hands slashed still dashed fast as twista words
My enemies burned while they prey to Satan in expensive furs
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Twelve tribes layin at the head of corners in hoods
Hell razah
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Old 11-10-2009, 05:34 PM   #523
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Throw on darts give you vats of urine
when I'm spiting purely vicious ewwwwwww/
look at cha shit they trying to write phewwwwwwww
it's not even give him credit for trying to pass effort/
I settle the debt with a hustle that most government officials don't got
how the fuck we a trillion dollars in debt wit the Chinese and they heads fleeing at a sperm rate/
edutain the thoughts I how I should flow
get cha glow deaded by the way I lay down a royal flush did you see my full court press coming?/
check the way I force you rappers to abort projects
you can't even start when thoughts are to google what's a Techwon/
I'm the best on, check the targets i'm dead on like a rail gun
rifling hyphen get cha hype in you can't include it in your package/
once you fail these labels ain't playing ball they ain't bailing you out
they wondering if they chips are recoup-able/
now you want styles to fathom when i'm hotter than “Eyes wide Shut”
you can't put out a cigarette butt when you thinking about cha smut collection/
I put cha brain in a figure four, unlock the door your lines are poorer than the City Budget with
no Sewage plant to ship the waste out so we can filtrate you/
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Old 11-12-2009, 02:52 PM   #524
J.T.S.
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We illuminate swoon on jakes in the time of one take
Hassle my squad and a hot iron steaming your face
used to move weight intestine lifted
Shitty mood my bladder shifted
Gully gifted no witness can describe the description
Of the left inscription that dictated all decisions
decisive to drama armor for missions
Expert chess player you pawns lack wisdom
Deadly environment i dissipated where the fire went
studied the books while they were chatting i was never giving in
Call me kin the blood type better match
open your back with the hatch the fugitive you'll never catch
Rednecks fade to black they encore for the cracks
Drool for the tracks raps outsmart your tricks
j.T.s. back in this bitch desert storming' emcee's tactics
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Old 11-14-2009, 05:57 PM   #525
SHEEPISH LORD OF CHAOS
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Quote:
Originally Posted by J.T.S. View Post
We illuminate swoon on jakes in the time of one take
Hassle my squad and a hot iron steaming your face
used to move weight intestine lifted
Shitty mood my bladder shifted
Gully gifted no witness can describe the description
Of the left inscription that dictated all decisions
decisive to drama armor for missions
Expert chess player you pawns lack wisdom
Deadly environment i dissipated where the fire went
studied the books while they were chatting i was never giving in
Call me kin the blood type better match
open your back with the hatch the fugitive you'll never catch
Rednecks fade to black they encore for the cracks
Drool for the tracks raps outsmart your tricks
j.T.s. back in this bitch desert storming' emcee's tactics
it's a battlefield out here get cha self blown up
by the time the flow starts you already denigrated/
you ain't ballin in my lane i'm the bruiser, the bully
watch me throw them D's watch cha kneel to ya knees like you b4 ZOD/
negro please you ain't death certified my flow is always been prescribed
check the warning on the back of the label "take wit caution"/
if you wanna put this game on “pause” you better have a good reason
you ain't got nathen not even a bio break is reasonable/
watch me peak then out weigh the whole of the sum
when I divide emcees by PIE I rip that shit apart
like eyes wide open check the flow it ain't sewn/
I can go wreck shop, detach myself from everything around me
you get tracked like phones that found with minutes on it/
stay potent you ain't gon like when we strike iron out heads with a metal striker
aim high I stay low leave you done like the blue man group, check for proof/
raise the roof you shit be a smoke stack by how much emcees I burn
destroy you like a forest fire, if you wanna be smokey the bear, I ain't gon run/
i'm a just taxidermy ya ass and lay the smack down
watch you be apart of my next carpet pattern/
can you rap or not is the question that should be posed in interviews
I can master splitter you and leave you split in two halve/
which do you want more your left or right
my lines never be drawn just grinded down til they sharp as a sword/
so if you wanted to test the best even now...best get down and put cha brows down
you ain't trying to get broke like a number two pencil when I ink the pen well/
don't try and state cha great when you ain't even in my paint let alone my rank
I am the best even now, computers rank numero uno, blame the BCS and ESPN/
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Last edited by SHEEPISH LORD OF CHAOS; 11-14-2009 at 06:32 PM.
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