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Old 08-12-2005, 10:50 PM   #1
Queen Of Poetry
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Default Just a Poem.......

I thought there was a poetry section but I couldn't find it so mods please move this where it needs to be......thx and sorry.


Tall Dignified Honorable
He has the strength of 1,000 men
And yet has passion and compassion
I look at him in awe everyday
He has shown me how to respect myself and others
May not like my way of life or the path that I have chosen
But he tells and shows me everyday how proud he is of me
The fact that I have made my own way
Nobody in the world will ever love him as much as I do
Greatest man alive
My Dad


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Old 08-14-2005, 04:11 AM   #2
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Default Re: Just a Poem.......

I think this was a poor verse (especially when it is on creativity). You put it in a very generalized fashion. And descriptively it wasn't quite nice. Anyone can put a verse like that but if you Dad had to read this verse- you might getthe odd compliment, but really it not good as a poem, try and be more creative. I don't think in real life that's how your dad would like to be known as? And to cap it of you actually go on to say "Greatest Man Alive",please help us!!!!
Don't give us your excuse of Poetry and Rap its all the same just how you put it accross.

Let me think of something .........................okay (this ones for you)
"I was riding to work yesterday, i usually do for 10 to 12 km's going and the same when returning home, this other road i use had a pothole, not created by a poor tarred road, but because there was an underground pipe, which had burst and clean water was sipping to the surface, where it flooded the small delapidated area, as i approached a little bird out of flight went into the stagnent pool and started bathing, yes nature was at work plus it is summer here, so i dodged that area since i was still in motion from riding my mountain bike, as i passed ahead there was this guy and his girl, must have been in their late 20's, and the female was swinging her body, whilst i was tempted to see her face, and know how she looks like, i did not just then i recalled that we are still in this universe,as i reached the service station near work, just to get a mango fruit joice".
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Old 08-14-2005, 08:26 AM   #3
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Default Re: Just a Poem.......

I appreciate ur honesty and I was going for very simplistic.......just simple. I have no excuses for anything I do......u know, I have read many books and alot of poets say it's about what is in ur mind. Not everyone will appreciate it or like it and I guess u fit that...........


Nice flow...........thx again for the comment.
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Old 08-14-2005, 12:07 PM   #4
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Default Re: Just a Poem.......

i like it... there's a flow to it... the message is straight on point... i think it is kinda short but you didnt miss anything in the message, so there's no problem... keep writing...
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Old 08-14-2005, 12:13 PM   #5
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Default Re: Just a Poem.......

Peace Queen...

nice read...



never mind the negative comments if this is how you felt then run with it....
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Old 08-14-2005, 10:11 PM   #6
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Default Re: Just a Poem.......

It's nice to read your words, Queen. Your spirit is pretty and I like that. Go shine that beautiful smile at that pretty girl for me.

peace
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Old 08-14-2005, 10:44 PM   #7
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Default Re: Just a Poem.......

to explore the mentals....beyond ass and tits....to come with smarts and wits...
its ashame it dont make hits......to come with words of heart felt ...
truly is just that......
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Old 08-15-2005, 12:38 AM   #8
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Default Re: Just a Poem.......

Quote:
Originally Posted by Queen of Poetry
I appreciate ur honesty and I was going for very simplistic.......just simple. I have no excuses for anything I do......u know, I have read many books and alot of poets say it's about what is in ur mind. Not everyone will appreciate it or like it and I guess u fit that...........


Nice flow...........thx again for the comment.
What a beautiful way to take a constructive criticism ... and you are so right. Not everyone is going to receive your message simply because everything is not for everybody ... some are far better at expressing their thoughts than others, but as long as someONE does, you have succeeded. As long as you're putting forth a real effort, what more can we ask for? With that being said, just keep putting out what's inside of you.

Peace Queen
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beautiful seeds that sprout flowers thatís deeply rooted
your weak style-diluted with concepts thatís so polluted
my words flourish, creating jewels the conscious will cherish ...

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Old 08-15-2005, 12:40 AM   #9
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Default Re: Just a Poem.......

I don't care what anyone say's, I liked it, just cause it's in the Temple, doesn't mean everything has to rhyme, it had a deep message, and was beautiful, peace.
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Old 08-15-2005, 12:45 AM   #10
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Default Re: Just a Poem.......

Careful now ... we don't want to praise her too much ... we've all seen what can happen if you do ...

ROFLMAO Sooooooooooo Hard ...

Peace Queen
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I sew...
beautiful seeds that sprout flowers thatís deeply rooted
your weak style-diluted with concepts thatís so polluted
my words flourish, creating jewels the conscious will cherish ...

-- Dae Ja Nae

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Old 08-15-2005, 12:51 AM   #11
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Default Re: Just a Poem.......

True, lol, ummmmm, errrrr.............
































































Fuck it, I still loved it !
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Old 08-15-2005, 02:36 AM   #12
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Default Re: Just a Poem.......

Quote:
Originally Posted by Queen of Poetry
I appreciate ur honesty and I was going for very simplistic.......just simple. I have no excuses for anything I do......u know, I have read many books and alot of poets say it's about what is in ur mind. Not everyone will appreciate it or like it and I guess u fit that...........


Nice flow...........thx again for the comment.
Thanx i did not want to seem as an expert, but it might be i have not seen much of your style. But i suppose you have your point there. And its not that i always recommend such poems in such a way but. I hope i did offend you or the other guys?
But i had to put that accross, lets try and be serious especially when it comes to family!!!!

Peace
PS: Like to see more of your lyrics, but to tell you the truth specifically for this verse-i did not appreciate it because it was for you dad!! If it was for some other person not family i would have accepted it.
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Old 08-15-2005, 08:41 AM   #13
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Default Re: Just a Poem.......

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dae Ja Nae
Careful now ... we don't want to praise her too much ... we've all seen what can happen if you do ...

ROFLMAO Sooooooooooo Hard ...

Peace Queen
OK......I'm lost. What happens when u praise me too much? What did I miss?
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Old 08-15-2005, 08:44 AM   #14
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Default Re: Just a Poem.......

I appreciate everyone acknowledging this thread and seeing that sometimes simple can be ok. Not everything has to be 500 lines with 10 words per line. Also, like I said before, it's my expression and only I know what is going on in my mind (y'all know that can be a scary spot).....LOL......anywho.......thx for all the comments and criticisms.......all is welcome.


Respect
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Old 08-15-2005, 09:29 AM   #15
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Default Re: Just a Poem.......

Quote:
Originally Posted by Queen of Poetry
OK......I'm lost. What happens when u praise me too much? What did I miss?
I was just kidding around ... being a little sarcastic in light of previous days events ... it wasn't any disrespect towards you at all Queen.

Peace Ma
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I sew...
beautiful seeds that sprout flowers thatís deeply rooted
your weak style-diluted with concepts thatís so polluted
my words flourish, creating jewels the conscious will cherish ...

-- Dae Ja Nae

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http://wutangcorp.com/showthread.php?t=11503

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