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Old 08-20-2005, 01:57 AM   #1
BrEaK'n It DoWn 2 PiEcEs
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Age: 34
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Default First Rap

Yo, I wrote this wrap while incarcerated. It is my first real song about something that is real. I don't write often at all, so let me know what you think, good or bad.

In my hood, clik's just seem the norm
They created gangsterism so they could fight the form
Five hoes fiend'n, strutin' up and down the block
Ten cops cruisin', tryin' to get your whole crew lock'd
Still, you gotta fight for the next crack chop
If not, the next man I'll be takin' your spot
Not wantin' to show up with a nine or a glock
Not wantin' to be takin' chances on your ass gettin' popped
Just stop, hold up, ease for a minute
Choke on that weed smoke, and just breathe for a minute
Take steps back, and you'll be sellin' keys in a minute
With the right grammer pa, you can breeze right through it
Cats listen up 'cause they know I've been through it
I've been 'bout it, 'bout it for years, they know I'm the truest
And to speak to it, worse than a snitch is a bitch
She can get you caught up, robbed, or have your ass hit
And that's it! You won't be selling crack no more
And you won't be leaving rubbers on your bentley floor
'Cause when I kick your door with the 4-4, you'll be down screamin'
'PIECES' don't hit me no more. So listen up,
Before your up, before you clowns get served
Step 2 my team, you just stepped on my last nerve
Even though I'm locked down, I'm gettin' out
With out a doubt, I'm comin' round 2 put your spliffs out
Thats's lights out. What ain't Understand? Is understood!
Up in Vanier spliffs get snuffed out for good.

If anybody thinks that i should keep practicing and learning, let me know. This is the first lyrics I have ever written for anyone to see.
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Old 08-21-2005, 04:23 AM   #2
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Location: Zambia
Age: 36
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Default Re: First Rap

Very gangster like. You will need to put some form to your style. Some areas you seemed to repeat the same thought (sought of stops the flow and returns then starts again, after it continues). You need to improve on your flow just goes with your style. But you have some good creative style the way you describe the certain scenes ( like the way you placed them) kind of neat.

PS: Keep posting
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