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Old 08-23-2005, 10:14 PM   #1
adedwutang
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I'm Just another kid usin criminal ways to get thru the day/
i got a short vocabulary, but i do wut i can to get paid/
i drop a few rhymes on the street and listen to what people say/
not like those normal kids who like to chill back ad play/
this enviorment around me causes my brain to decay daily/
i continue to wonder why do these people hate me/
just because they see different colors these mutha fuckas turn crazy/
why dont i fight back, iono maybe cuz im lazy/
or maybe cuz i didnt c my fate turnin this way mainly/
my voice is crackin and i cant find the words to speak/
fuck man im doin a mixtape wit my cuz next week/
please let me land a deal and become one of the elite/
this way the next day i kno exactly wut im gonna eat/
is this just a dream, am i in a deep sleep/
please somebody make me bleed so i can wake and get this dragging feeling out of me/
it feels like an anchor from my heart to the sea/
only the anchor continues to fall until im down to my knees/
i pray to god that my skills pave the road ahead/
dam wut i would do to make this bread/
if i dont leave now these criminal ways will lead me to a future that involves me bein dead/
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Old 08-24-2005, 07:26 AM   #2
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Default Re: Criminal Ways

Its simple (the lyrical content) but the verse flowed. Although you kept to the same rhyme scheme ( not that its a problem) but it was very obvious how the verse continued. It just showed how you tried t make it rhyme well. Nothing bad in that away. Try other a topics to write on, might assist you but i noticed you have a certain style on portraying things through a basic question.

Peace
PS: Keep posting
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Old 08-24-2005, 11:54 AM   #3
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Default Re: Criminal Ways

thanx for the feedback cuz, will keep i mind
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Old 08-24-2005, 12:02 PM   #4
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Default Re: Criminal Ways

Good verse, like Guardianone the vocab was simple but you still conveyed yo message well. Told the story well but maybe your flow was a bit sloppy
good verse peace
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Old 08-24-2005, 12:03 PM   #5
adedwutang
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Default Re: Criminal Ways

thanx for the advice
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Old 10-14-2005, 05:33 PM   #6
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Default need critizicm

im like a yung blessed soldia on a dark battle field/
take my ice water sword cuz i only need one to get u sealed/
i got a defense for any weapon u can wield/
my words continue to grow sharper like steel/
when i shave off a little bit/
chop up ya body and i save just a little bit/
i got no mercy for this little bitch, fuck awla that quitta shit/
i go from a yung man to a killa quik/
lemme giv u a little killa tip/
n e man who say hes the top dude is the one wit a little dick/
look, i break down ya rhymes and leave em as a element/
i spit flame that can take out a whole settlement/
im not a dictionary rapper screamin out words like embezzlement/
but believe me when i tell u that ma flow is hella sick/
listen, im a little yung for the wu but i still got love for the old school/
fuck these mainstream rappers who dont kno how to hold tool/
u kno those types that put chalk around these slowa fools/
the kinda punks whos flow is pooled, just watered down to a substance that no real gangsta use/
now listen to ma gangsta views, im not very tall but i still tower dudes/
cuz i got a flow like biggie so i use the power moves/
plowin thru cars and they houses to/
now listen to my quik rhymes, kill ya wit that sick line/
u cant switch hoes like i switch mine, o shit its ma bed time/

lemme know ya, havent been writin 2 much lately, made this one up as i was typin it so be easy on me
peace
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cuz Big L b fuckin wit more keys then a janita/"
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Old 10-14-2005, 05:50 PM   #7
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Default Re: need critizicm

listen up punk, i got a nine in my pocket/
im lyin/
i got nine shots wit a glock in ma pocket/
for any chumps who think they can knock it but they cant knock the hustle/
my mind is shot and its troubled/
plus people get shot wen im in trouble/ cuz my shots i like them doubled/
and wen i get hot i make you bubble/.....
you think u can run around in my block/
well maybe you can but i can go faster then u just walkin on my hands/
cuz ur just a little slow/
u just learnin the shit that i already know/
and thats includin ya flo/
while u wastin time doin them hoes im lootin ya doe/
and u kno i got a sickamore style/
which is sicker and more pure then urs/
so good luck to you and ur whores/
cuz my words are pollutin your pores/
and ill knock down ur confidence/
they way the cops knock down and shoot up ya doors huh
...and you kno some girls say that a guy is run by their dick/
well i didnt hear u complainin last nite wen u was ridin that ish/
plus my dick got a head wit a mind of its own/
and i seemed to have forgot my other one at home so u leave my big one alone,get it,lol
......i got a fire inside of me that'll burn thru ya eyes/
some say its called an arsenist homicide/
but i like to think of myself as a cold killin lyricist wit the rhymes/
cuz as i walk thru the valley of the shadow of death i leave dead mic trails wit they last breath/
and i must confess that if i dont get this shyt off my chest i could start grownin man breasts/
and you kno im the number one emcee/
cuz nobody can see mee/
and its easy to see this cuz theres no other emcee near me/
and i shall never fear thee for thy flo fiercly/
and i b the one who spits fire in the sea just to get these words out of me/
so u myte say that this is long but i c it as just another song/
i can switch my flo then go on and on so stay tuned for the next episode cuz im lettin my tongue roll/
and if it rolls of nice the way i roll them dice/
then u myte start hearin my lyrics for a price
.....the whole idea of u havin a career is makin me laugh/
cuz u just started writin shit that i forgot in the past/
as a matter of fact, if u sold ur best rymes u still couldnt pay for ma gas/
u so messed up in the head that u wuldnt fall over even if i kicked u in ya ass
...please stop wastin my time wit ya punk ass rymes/
and do ya self a favor/
stick to ya day job ,makin nickles and dimes/
cuz i kno its ma flo your admirin/
dont be mad other labels are hirin, and im the reason they started firin
..wit so much drama goin on in the NYC its kinda hard bein someone as fly as me,
cuz my style is deadly,
and these other rappers dred me/
cuz im on a level that is higher by ten feet/
now u say u gangsta but cmon man u aint smokin spliffs/
u 2 busy jerkin ya dick while real men are sellin them bricks/
and even tho its some small time shit/
its still big euff to get u gunned up and clapped quick/
cuz i kno a homey that knows a homey that packs 2 fo-fifths/
both of em fully loaded equals exactly 6 pounds/
together wit the keys and im spittin some heavy shit now/
people look at me and c a white boy livin upstate and then they think to themself how?/
well u must b stupid if u think im up here milkin a dam cow/
im strait street wit my rhymes/
but that doesnt mean i got to be holdin heats and packin nines
....my lyrics will have u thinkin like u were studyin/
by the time u finish readin it over its a another joint im already cuttin in/
cuz i dont sit wit a pen and think up words/
it hits me wen im chillin back and checkin out birds/
not the ones that fly!. or the ones that get high!.. cuz i need a classy chic that i can "sit in my benzz and watch time go bbyyyy"/
and u kno i enjoy to spit gangsta ish/ cuz its funny to see/
these hardcore artists who are real men but they aint no real rapper to me/
so wut u got shot in the head wit a .22/
that doesnt justify that my skills aint better then u/
an i will never battle a friend of mine/
because wen i spit my rhymes it tends to leave scars that grow over time/
and if u not readin thru this whole verse then its a shame on u/
cuz u need my fix to make it thru the life that u once knew before someone came named who?
some say kriscross some say kriddigiss,
thats my name in jibberish,
and i take pride in my name as i take pride in my soul,
cuz im so deep that i wuld give u a dollar if u found me in my hole thats filled wit the stories ive told/
thru the words comin from my lips/
wenever there rubbed together they shoot out fire like sticks/
and at the same time are known for there famous kiss/
these various styles belong to a kid named kris/
and will take on ne body who thinks they can step to this



heres another one of mine, its pretty old, found it on a old thread and i never got any opinions on it, mostly a bunch of little rhymes that i put together into a verse so ya can rate it
peace
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"i got drug spots from NY to Canada/
cuz Big L b fuckin wit more keys then a janita/"
Follow me @SkiLLs456

Last edited by adedwutang; 08-25-2006 at 01:54 PM.
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Old 10-14-2005, 10:34 PM   #8
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Default Re: need critizicm

You got creativity, but you need to work on originality. I would ease up on the "I got big gats and even bigger dick" shit" know what I mean? (unless you battle of course) otherwise it sounds just like the next guy's. Also tighten up your flow, did you try it with the beat? work on it bro, potential's there, practice is everything.
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Old 10-15-2005, 02:19 AM   #9
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Default Re: need critizicm

i didn't even try fuckin with your 2nd verse... cuz one.. ur first one was jus aight from what i gathered.. plus when i saw that 2nd verse.. no format.. and long as fuck... shit.. can u blame me for not readin it....

so.......... heres my feed......... number one... put some structure to your shit...

number two... jus keep on scriptin mayne... i liked this line

-------------

listen, im a little yung for the wu but i still got love for the old school/
fuck these mainstream rappers who dont kno how to hold tool/

^that was tight..

peace
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Old 10-15-2005, 03:11 PM   #10
adedwutang
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Default Re: need critizicm

good looks, def keep in mind, and for the structure on the second verse i didnt really organize it, just a bunch of old battle verses and stuff thats wy its not 2 original like dena said, but thanx for the info b, i needed someone to tell me this shit strait up
peace
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Old 10-15-2005, 04:50 PM   #11
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Default Re: need critizicm

Write some more, edit it, be concise, cut out what's mediocre and leave the shit that's pure gems, best is something personal. post it again and lemme know. Peace.
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Old 10-17-2005, 08:19 PM   #12
adedwutang
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Default Re: need critizicm

its funny how i b chillin down to the spine/
then a thought pops to my head, a new line/
dam that shit it ill, gotta get this down then im chill/
im thinkin im good for the day, but im feelin that feelin in me still/
got this flow in me thats gettin ready to spill/
its like sweatin on a cold hill/
its hot, but dont feel rite, gotta go against ma will/
puttin up the beat and im gettin ready to kill/
dam i got to make that mil/
i need that cake n im waitin/
got to finish this track that im rapin/
sittin in front of ma computer go back and forth pacin/
nah that word dont work lemme try another/
got that jay-z flow in me but im not bitin off ma brother/
hit that rite line and its smooth like butter/
got deadly multies and im wet so i stay cool in the summer/
only a few bars and runnin but ima quik muther fucker/
dam this beat in my head not workin wit my flo/
fuck it, it was just some lines i wanted to show/
i dont care wut none of ya think, im sick and i know/
wen i get heated i can take ne body wit the words that i blow/
u still thinkin u got skils above me, then dont/
cuz its a long fall from the top even if its slow/
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cuz Big L b fuckin wit more keys then a janita/"
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Old 10-18-2005, 04:08 PM   #13
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Default Re: need critizicm

that was dope...keep it up aded
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Old 10-18-2005, 05:07 PM   #14
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Default Re: need critizicm

ok
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Old 10-18-2005, 06:43 PM   #15
adedwutang
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Default Re: need critizicm

good looks
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cuz Big L b fuckin wit more keys then a janita/"
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