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Old 10-18-2005, 10:45 PM   #16
JOHNNY_TICAL
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Default Re: need critizicm

Sounds.. Pretty .. Coo 2 Me.. > Just Practice.. Wit Every Thing .. {thats What I Did.. And Still Am} On Freestyle.. On Written.. . N E Thing That Comes 2 Ur Head.. Just Keep It In Mind.. Or .. Scribe.. So.. When.. U Write.. U Can Either Go Wit Something That Is On Ur Mind.. Or. . Something That Got Ur Attention ..

Good Shit.. > I Put It Down..!

Peace !!!
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Old 10-19-2005, 09:37 PM   #17
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Default Re: need critizicm

good looks
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Old 10-19-2005, 10:07 PM   #18
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Default Re: need critizicm

yo,i love chillin listenin to that old school shit/
learn somethin new from somethin old, thats how i do shit/
fuck all this new shit, they dont think they just spit/
listen to me quik peace to big and all the hip hop legends/
cuz im bettin they battlin up in heaven/
i can see em now just sweatin/
waitin for me to show up they begin stretchin/
gotta teach this kid a lesson/
lick my lips to get ready for the words that im wettin/
comin from the kingdom i giv u a blessin/
i continue stressin hopin i can make it thru the obstacles i will soon ensue/
gettin wile spittin it heavy thru and thru/
im comin for my crown cuz its long overdue/
u askin who am i, nigga who r u i spit that ill shit like i got a speech impedement/
fuckin wit my shit will lead to ur detrement/
my flows kickin like bruce lee so i like to chew peppermint/
comin against me these mc;s are easy come easy go/
thinkin they got skills but a flow is easy when its slo/
here we go....again ima a shoalin monk but i sin/
i degrade the forest wit my twin/
pissin on trees so people know where i been/


heres some more stupid shit i just put together, lemme kno
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Old 03-05-2006, 12:12 AM   #19
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Default Just so ill

havent been on the site in a while but check it

you kno it shulda been told or even written in the scrolls/
that no mc culd be released from my lyrical threshold/
i bless those, who dont got the gift that i possess yo/
jump on a chics chest and i show her ma breaststoke/
so lets go, im wit it, you call it impossible wen i done did it/
u tryin to stop the flo but i continue on wit it/
u gonna get swung on kid so quit it/
yo, my rymes are above and beyond fame son so u can just chill/
poison ya brain wit no vaccine cuz im just so ill/
its easy to see that im greater cuz im the kid from the hill/
just like method man my clan never ran never will/
look, niggas cant stand the shit that i write wit my right hand/
ayt than, you can neva match ma might man/
i fight man, my battles are lopsided despite the fact that im white man/
u tried to step up but fell off the edge of the knife man/
yea i c u got a vest on ya chest, and/
kevlar cant stop a 50 to ya brest, dam/
c in my clic there is no such thing as snitchin/
cuz at point blank range theres no such thing as missin/
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Old 03-05-2006, 01:13 AM   #20
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Yeah Really feelin this last verse of yours man, the flow was there, and your creativity elevated nicely since i first read ya ish, good shit. ill opener man remember da opener is everything, n then again its nothing.

stay up and keep blessin
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Incase it Curved, and Strained my Nervous System..
Rage it Burst, n' Explained in Words how ta Further Wisdom
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Old 03-05-2006, 11:03 AM   #21
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thanx everybody for u replies, believe it or not its little comments like urs that make me wanna keep rytin
peace
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Old 03-06-2006, 04:00 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by adedwutang
thanx everybody for u replies, believe it or not its little comments like urs that make me wanna keep rytin
peace
I concur it also helps when constructive criticism is made...PeacecaeP
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Old 03-07-2006, 04:33 PM   #23
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just somethin i got on my profile for aol
check it



The Lift
i woke up to a phone at 5 after 8/
my mouth was filled with a bitter sweet taste/
it was ma man callin up sayin meet me at the place/
so i went to the bathroom and washed the sleep out ma face/
he said i aint got much time and i gotta quikken up ma pace/
so my slo motion movement turned to a race/
grabbed the jewelry out ma case/
then said by to ma baby cuz i knew i plucked an ace/
waitin for my ride on the corner of the street/
ma walkman playin and my head bobbin to the beat/
thinkin to myself how i didnt get enuff sleep/
then i felt a vibration at the bottom of ma feet/
a car approached the curb and it was ma boy in the jeep/
we drove away calm and collective, lookin all sleek/
he drove real slo so i dozed off in the car/
he said wake ya ass up cuz we not that far/
we got to the place and i realized it was a bar/
we went inside and took the lift to the loft/
a man opened the door i said can we speak to the boss/
he said "listen kid u better get lost"/
my ass, i kno every man has his cost/
slipped him a twenty and he said the niggas in the back/
walkin thru the room and saw everyone was wearin black/
aint hard to tell that they was sellin crack/
the rocks was big and the pockets wasnt flat/
herd a deep voice in the shadows that instructed wut our mission was/
wasnt listenin to wut he said except "u gonna need some slugs"/
later found out we had to prove our worthiness in the set/
veterans was arguin as they were settin up a bet/
"betcha the white boy backs out" forget that man i gotta rep/
this is my life man i cant live off of checks/
my boy told me we had to merc some kid/
they didnt even let us kno what this little nigga did/
i thought to myself this is some fucked up shit/
wut could of this little boy done to get this bid/
gotta do wut i gotta do, never mind wats rite/
creeped up to his buildin in the middle of the nite/
saw him chillin on the corner so we stayed out of site/
i hesitated as my man started out into the light/
confronted him real nice, n he said wutup u wanna fight/
had my ghat in hand and i was holdin it tight/
i made a movement real slight, and this dude pulls a 40 from the right/
we open fire at eachother and he hits my man in the chest/
i emptied my clip and put my hand to rest/
then i was shocked by wut had happened next/
a cop comes around the corner so i run till im out of breath/
a quik cut to the side alley and into a random door/
i sat and waited smellin the piss on the floor/
my finger was feelin real sore, as i waited some more/
walked out prayin to god that i would b ignored/
next mornin paper says that 2 kids were found dead/
i had so many thoughts rushin to my head/
couldnt sleep all nite sittin in my bed/
woke up and looked for the paper that i had read/
nowhere to be found and i hear the phone ring once then again/
my man says where u been man how much u overslept/
i realized it was all a dream and i felt blessed/
im gettin out of this business man i never shuld of messed/

this isnt exactly how it went but i made it a little little different so i can ryme, and its more like a poem with no beat to it so u gotta add some flow to it when u read to make it sound rite
get at me
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cuz Big L b fuckin wit more keys then a janita/"
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Old 03-09-2006, 05:17 PM   #24
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you see i try to monaplize so im my friend and my enemy/
see in my eyes and im takin over the whole world steadily/
if im not the best pound for pound soon then i better b/
my flows like a plasma field, calm but deadly/
sometimes known to strike lightning so be ready b/
i dont think i even time to whoop everybodys ass hmm lemme c/
now its easy to spit words that just sound good together/
but when it makes sense you kno it sounds even better/
my verses are more like poems or even a simple letter/
sometimes i got shit that involves nines and berettas/
but i try to stay away from topics talkin bout makin cheddah/
shit syracuse beat uconn this is lookin like a great day so far/
pumped to play ball but i got no car/
walk to the court listenin to esco( )bar/
nas always a birdie dont settle for par/
inspiration to rhyme as i walk these streets/
listenin to only the old school beats/
sun shinin in my eye and this nigga lookin like he got beef/
wutchu want dooney ill bust ya in ya teeth/
dam check this shorty ass like a jeep/
seen her face and she look like she take it real deep/
shit bout now im feenin ta go ta sleep/
all this walkig bringin pain to ma feet/
nd tmoros friday so i cant eat meat/
w/e im about ta tear these dudes up/
if i hustle em write i ca get a buck/

not my best but i thought i wuld post it n e wayz
wrote it today as i was walkin down the street as you can tell i was rymin bout things i was thinkin about at the moment
get at me
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cuz Big L b fuckin wit more keys then a janita/"
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Last edited by adedwutang; 03-09-2006 at 09:56 PM.
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Old 03-14-2006, 05:05 PM   #25
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ne body care to criticize my last 2 posts or shuld i just stop posting since it seems not to many people care
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cuz Big L b fuckin wit more keys then a janita/"
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Old 03-27-2006, 09:21 PM   #26
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homey i bag hoes like crooks bag clothes/
my hooks bleed flows/
my books i read closed/
people like to look cuz they knoes/
dont nobody smokes mo droes/
gimme those/
gimme that/
gimme blunts and gimme ghats/
startin to look like a party pack/
fuck u man giv it back/
u thought i was 2 yung and culdnt rap/
well i think u thought wrong so keep thinking jack/
gettin tired of rhymin gotta stop smokin spliffs
put some words together call it a verse then call it quits/
i dont need this shit so i mite as well ditch/
no one wants to hear a kid rap so i mite as well....(shit)/
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Old 03-28-2006, 07:44 AM   #27
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Old 03-28-2006, 06:28 PM   #28
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thanx but i already got some one workin on my shit, besides im not plannin on becomin a rapstar cuz i hate mainstream music, but ill take it as a compliment

leave me 1 peace
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Old 03-29-2006, 05:04 PM   #29
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check it, cars a are driven to thrill/
criminals are driven to kill/
ima top class rapper so im driven by will/
cuz im drippin wit skill/
i stay sick and stay ill/
u half of ma stature and im the whole fill/
down south they flashin gold in they grills/
up here we smack the diamond out ya mouth wit them bills/
we dont get flashy we just chill/
stay lo pro until the first mil/
i forever stay spittin shit that b real/
u stay talkin bout people lives that u steal/
i did this and i did that/
giv us some more details wy u holdin back/
cuz u dont got the info to back it up u just crack/
keep talkin bout all the people that u clapped/
what goes around comes around, dont matter if u strapped/

its simple but im not really gettin to serious about writin ne more. lemme kno
1
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Old 04-06-2006, 04:46 PM   #30
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Listen, you can neva masta this kids statcha/
i blastcha, blow pastcha/
poison you wit every rhyme that u captcha/
watcha organs ruptcha/
you just hip to the hop, homey i out raptcha/
riptcha, body to the limit, put it to the test uh/
now lemme bless ya, wit ma lryical lectcha/
you cant touch my imperical textcha/
dont let me wetcha cuz i gotcha wen i getcha/
homey watch ya step uh/
gonna get wrecked yup/
homey got a tec wut/
puttin holes in ya chest/
yea, runnin outa breathe/
check it, i take 1 45. thats ten shots to ya body/
now you and ya hottie cant take the shots from the shotti/
watch me/
my lyrical flava you can neva test it/
cuz god has blessed it/
thats ma case son i rest it/
check it/
niggas wanna step but they aint got the heart/
cuz i split apart ya brain from the very very start/
and i am soo... very very smart/
rip ya bones from ya flesh yes every single part/
only 5'11 but im a wordplay giant/
take ya everyday common rules then i defy it/
you wanna fuck wit me homey yea u can try it/
thinkin that u betta then me, nah i dont buy it/

get at me
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cuz Big L b fuckin wit more keys then a janita/"
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