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Old 04-09-2006, 10:20 AM   #31
adedwutang
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cmon peoples, i wrote 5 verses since the last reply
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Old 04-15-2006, 07:15 PM   #32
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i aint post nothin in a long time here, theres no point if nobody gonna reply

get at me peoples
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cuz Big L b fuckin wit more keys then a janita/"
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Old 04-15-2006, 08:54 PM   #33
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it aint bad its str8 just need some more wordplay and better metaphors and shit like that and throw sum fancy ass slang in there too

i didnt read them all i just glanced at a few of'em real quick...but yeah there str8...keep doin ya thing


peace..............
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Old 04-16-2006, 11:37 PM   #34
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yo this kid ryte here is one sick ass basted/
steppin up means u lookin to get blasted/
blown away by these rhymes that i masted/
this aint just thought up but its crafted/
shines thru the dark no matter how bad u can bash it/
sign me up a check and then cash it/
im as good as sold homey so pass it/
cuz im just as good as ya jeezy's and lil waynes/
i can spit garbage 2 and ill make it in the game/
ill battle bow wow and romeo just to cop fame/
move up onto 50 cuz im a beast that can never b tamed/
i talk about deep shit and niggas lookin at me strange/
so i changed up to mainstream.... nah im just playin/
listen, i cant put my rhymes on paper cuz i prolly roll it up/
i dont spit it either homey i just throw it up/
up to my brain which i call the neverending abyss/
condensation causes my thoughts to constantly drip/
i heat up and vaporize the rhymes that i sticked/
causin it to b forgettin forever and dismissed/
god dam i wish i still remembered that shit/
i dont even remember wat it started wit/
next time im writin that shit down quick/
stop smokin weed, yea that myte b the trick/

get at me-
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Old 04-17-2006, 01:06 AM   #35
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my advice-

start usin rhymes in couplets

if you rhyme uneven it sounds stupid

also, start trying to incorporate wittier shit in battles, expand with your rhymes, use rhyme schemes

example

cpld scythe in hand with diabolical -cruel- intentions
slayin the weak, inadvertainly killin- fools- in -other- dimensions

add some pattern, make it sound better
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Old 04-17-2006, 03:00 AM   #36
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i read 'the lift'. it was a good read, but the uneven bars threw me off in places. is fairly solid apart from that, and its coherent. i may check some of the others later

peace
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Old 04-17-2006, 01:15 PM   #37
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good looks peeps
get at me-
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cuz Big L b fuckin wit more keys then a janita/"
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Old 04-18-2006, 10:59 PM   #38
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oh and by the way, those first couple of post were from a long time ago, id prefer it if u guys payed more attention to the later ones, but feel free to read them all if ya like lol
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Old 04-23-2006, 11:28 AM   #39
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this is somethin i got on another thread, thought i might as well put it here since its one of my verses. yo check out creepy's thread in the battlefield called the realness, go there and spit some real words


u wanna hear some real shit/
well listen to this real quick/
mainstream stayin up on the rise/
while real niggas sittin back gettin high/
we gotta get wats are's, aint no waitin in line/
fake dudes wit fake tools, waitin for a rhyme/
gettin paid any ways dam that money shuld b mine/
i put in too much time to let these niggas take it/
fuck them, they aint shit, got no skill, they cant spit/
cant battle wit a 100 bars cuz these niggas is fake shit/
my man bino shuld b in the big screen/
sittin on a caddy covered wit paper green/
bitches asses hangin all over the scene/
shit is fucked up, some niggas is crazy/
stuck wit dum luck, but then again these niggas is lazy/
aint makin money waitin for a deal, nah ya niggas is swazy/
listen, my words got levels to it like its a pizza hut deep dish/
show niggas wat it means when i tell em im puttin them to sleep fish/
creepy stay up ma dude, i hope more people read this/
cuz god knows that these real dum niggas need this/

get at me-
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Old 04-23-2006, 01:47 PM   #40
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listen, i spit rhymes like a lyrical ak/
hittin ya body u screamin out like mayday/
i must say/
wat a beautiful verse i contain in my grasps/
off the dome shit/
kinda words u spit smokin that grass/
bummin at home shit/
gettin crazy dissapatin ya ass/
nahhhh chill son/
i dont get down on that homo ish/
im sittin in a world full of loaded clips/
but on the real dun/
lookin to get out of this criminal empire/
im not made for this/
lookin to relax back and retire/
barely gettin paid fa this/
times runnin out comin down to the wire/
i wish it was all easy and simple/
already passed the puberty and pimples/
watchin my eulogy crumble and crinkle/
fuck that i aint dyin till im full of baby food and wrinkles/

i was just tryin somethin new, mixin up my bars and the such, lemme kno wuts good
get at me-
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Last edited by adedwutang; 04-28-2006 at 09:45 PM.
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Old 04-25-2006, 02:49 PM   #41
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anybody wanna comment on my last verse cuz im really not sure if i like it 2 much it seems kinda off 2 me but i just need sum1 elses opinion
get at me-
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Old 04-26-2006, 08:25 PM   #42
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ne body
get at me-
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cuz Big L b fuckin wit more keys then a janita/"
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Old 04-27-2006, 08:35 PM   #43
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ayt ya i just felt like writin a random verse, i kinda forced it and i changed up the subject alot but besides that it felt pretty solid on certain parts so holla back

yo i burn u from the inside out like a microwave oven/
my flow flows steady like a old man drummin/
first i work hard then i begin bummin/
just like sex/
come hard quick, then start runnin/
listen up son, im the champ wit the title/
bitchslap that brit from american idol/
take out the bitch and that nigga 2/
ima sho u how this nigga do/
compared to me ur shits lookin real shitty/
im comin wit them lines that b real grimy and gritty/
spit so hard that ma teeth lose they filling/
then ya jaw drops, and ya eyes hit the ceiling/
kick ya ass to dust now pay me for the killing/
cuz ud ratha b dead then have that real deep feeling/
of gettin ya ass shamed and ya name in need of rebuildin/
call me rambunctious, wen i b fumin/
turn up the dial, and hear the base boomin/
just to flush out the sound, of ya bitch ass losin/
im cruzin, thru these mc's, leavin them droolin/
i come by and every body got a vest on im assuming/
so i hit ya wit words strait to tha heart/
now it starts coolin/
hypothermia spreads to everyone in the room and/
dam that shit was cold, gotchya niggas poolin/
then i take ya bitches, then start spoonin/
suck they brains out the clit, leave more space for ma tool and/
heres ma number one rule man/
cut that bitch off once she starts lovin you/
cuz wen u start lovin her/
shes lovin otha dudes/
u beggin on the floor, and shes makin otha moves/
keep it strait pimpin, leave lovin to them otha fools/


get at me-
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cuz Big L b fuckin wit more keys then a janita/"
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Old 04-28-2006, 03:51 PM   #44
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chill back and bounce to the feel good music/
step hard and come strong thats how i do shit/
keep it real, keep it fresh, keep it deep, keep it blessed/
keep doin the stuff that got me cashin checks/
pushin drugs leadin to a timely demise/
fuckin wit fat asses and sexy eyes/
touchin on the breasts and them thick thighs/
doin big shit........ always on the rise/
check out the flo on this smooth ass beat/
bumpin in the back and feel it in the seat/
back to the real shit, stompin wit cleats/
cant touch it cant overcome the defeat/
step back and feel wat im bringin to the table/
heart skips a beat and u feelin unstable/

have to leave b4 i can finish it, this is actually the first verse i did with an intrumental playin in the back, so i was workin more with flow then lyrics
get at me-
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Old 04-28-2006, 05:03 PM   #45
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peep this shit, my rhymes bring they own hooks/
u prolly got ur shit out the local phone book/
spittin radio wavelengths leave ya dome shook/
nah nigga u got scared by ur own look/
my lines swarm ya body like infected insects/
i got 100 cases of proof that i just detected this reject/
im maybe b a little yung but i demand some respect/
u prolly dont walk how u talk so u need to get ya feet checked/
this nigga dont buy clothes, he bucks shots at his couch/
ur bitch dont got prada, she walkin round wit a pouch/
u spit shit like them niggas from down south/
u wuldnt kno a good line if it came out ya own mouth/
homey ill burn thru ya eyes wit my rhymes like peroxide/
u come around my block and u can run but you cant hide/
try the alley ways thats just around the side/
o yea i forgot its a dead end, sorry i tried/


these are some random little parts of old battles, just wanted some comments,
get at me-
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cuz Big L b fuckin wit more keys then a janita/"
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