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Old 08-28-2005, 03:44 PM   #1
takeover
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Age: 22
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Default startoff

making niggas bow down when they step to me
have u feeling like u had a hysterectimy
im quick on my feet man
when it comes to rapping
making niggas bounce back and start the clapping
have u feeling like a ceaser up on stage
stop trying to hind behind the shade
u ain't jonny cage
u getting straight up playd
u better step correctly if u feel like a man
have u getting scared bout to get slapped with the back hand
getting shook when i spit
when i spit the first bar
i'll have u feeling sick
i plan to get a record deal before go
that is something u got to know
all u gotta do is listen to one line
i got ya girl number cuz im on the ground
breaking niggas heart from time to time
i put u down and make u feel unconceeded
just do like michael jackson said and just beat it
u another dude standing in my way of fame
and if u hating on me then u hating on my game
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Old 08-28-2005, 05:10 PM   #2
noel411
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Age: 32
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Default Re: startoff

I suppose it's not too bad for a 13 year old. You really need to implement some less standard rhyme schemes though, try and use a bit more vocab, and you definately need to work on your content and subject matter. I'm guessing you're new to writing. I'm sure you can improve over time if you keep at it.
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Old 08-29-2005, 01:38 AM   #3
GuardianOne
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Location: Zambia
Age: 33
Posts: 1,271
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Default Re: startoff

I suppose you were busting.

Peace
PS: Keep posting
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